Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
While Romeo was engaged in small talk with Millen and Marinelli I choked down my sandwich as fast as I could. Just as I finished Romeo sat down.
Romeo – you really shouldn’t eat that way. You’ll give yourself heartburn.
Brick – I know, but damn I was hungry.
Romeo – I guess this means you don’t want the sub I got you.
Brick – Thanks but no, I though you had some work to do.
Romeo – Oh, it really wasn’t work, I just went and sat in the stands long enough to get on TV, that way nobody can say I wasn’t there.
Brick – good thinking
Romeo – naw, that’s an old trick, it took me longer to decide what to get at Subway.
Brick – Ham?
Romeo – damn straight.
Romeo then proceeded to take out his subs and stuff his face.
Romeo (between bites) – you know this is the one thing that Quinn got right; Subway is delicious.
It wasn’t long after Romeo finished his subs and ordered a diet coke that Ken Whisenhunt joined us. Apparently he and Romeo are old friends. After introductions I started in with my standard line of questioning.
Brick – So Mr. Whisenhunt, who is going to be the starting QB in Arizona this season.
Whisenhunt – Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place, I have the god squader or Hollywood. One guy spends every meeting trying to get me to go with him and his zombie wife to church, the other one comes in hung over everyday after trying to get into Paris Hiltons pants. What kind of looser can’t fuck Paris Hilton?
Brick – Sounds like you’ve got it tough in Arizona.
Whisenhunt – Yeh, it sucks, I never thought I’d miss that idiot Ben, but at least Brady Quinn isn’t on the team.
Whisenhunt and I laugh, Romeo sulks and steals my fries.
Romeo – fuck both of you, you weren’t going to eat these anyway.
Brick – Are you going to be active in FA? I know you have a problem with Fitzgerald’s contract tieing things up.
Whisenhunt – Hopefuly he is willing to rework things. I’d really like to bring in ____ and resign our guys. If not it could set us back a year.
Romeo – You know that Fitz ain’t going to rework that deal, nobody wants to stay in Arizona.
Whisenhunt – I think we are really starting to turn the attitude around so that guys will want to stay there. We could make an impact with the right moves this offseason.
Brick – They have been saying that about Arizona for years now.
Romeo – No shit, every fuckin year some asshole writer picks Arizona to go to the playoffs.
Whisenhunt – OK, fuck it, its not like we are on the record here. Arizona sucks, management is a bunch of fucking buffoons. Up and down the roster you might as well just write overpaid, old or bust. We have more money tied up in out #1 WR than most teams have in their QB. Our QB’s are limp wristed pansies. Our offensive line is a bunch of fat faggots, and where should I start on D, since none of them should be starting in the NFL. I go home and cry myself to sleep every fucking night just hoping that somebody puts me out of my misery.
Brick – Damn, you sound like you are about to go postal.
Whisenhunt – You know that wouldn’t be a bad idea with this fucking team.
Brick – OK, you are starting to scare me, how about the draft, there has to be someone there who can help you.
Whisenhunt – where we draft… fuck there ain’t going to be anyone left worth two shits. We are going to have to reach and overpay some slob. Which just means more of the same in Arizona. Scrubs making big time money.
Brick – well you are set at WR and QB so I’ll cross them off the list. It’s too high to take any of the olineman who are left. How about a pass rusher or a cornerback?
Whisenhunt – ok smart guy, who do you have in mind.
Brick – well Derrick Harvey should still be there, he is the kind of guy that Pittsburgh has had luck with by standing him up and playing him at rush LB.
Whisenhunt – I’m listening
Brick - Leodis McKelvin is a little small, but has some raw talent at CB
Whisenhunt – I don’t like the way he tackles
Brick - Aqib Talib is a bigger CB, but not as good in coverage.
Whisenhunt – better, but option 1 is still the best thing you’ve given me.
Brick – OK, so you have Harvey, Quentin Groves or Calais Campbell all in the same mold at DE.
Whisenhunt – now you see why I’m so pissed, you haven’t name one guy who really knocks my socks off. I would be happy with any of the guys you have named… in round 2.
Brick – Damn, you are making this hard. Would you reach for a lineman like Jeff Otah?
Whisenhunt – If we were starting a competitive eating team but I already have a fat OT that eats more than Romeo.
Romeo (between bites of French fries) you’re not that skinny yourself.
Brick – Well we are running out of options here, Felix Jones is still around, but he really isn’t the kind of power back you prefer, and its too early for Fred Davis.
Whisenhunt – You know what, I though I was depressed when I came in here. So I’m going to end this now. Put me down for Harvey, I think I can work with him. Any of those other guys and I’m headed to Ed Harts gun supply and stocking up on AK-47 rounds.
Brick – well thanks for your time Mr. Whisenhunt, and good luck to you this season.
Whisenhunt – Go fuck yourself
With that, Whisenhunt got up and left.
Brick – damn, that guy is on the edge.
Romeo – don’t worry about it, he’ll just hate fuck some cheap whore tonight and be fine in the morning.
Brick – sometimes I wish you would just not add anything.
Romeo – Would you rather he came back and shot up the place fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
11. Buffalo Bills – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
12. Denver Broncos - Kenny Philips, S, Miami
13. Carolina Panthers – D. Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tenn. St
14. Chicago Bears - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
15. Detroit Lions - Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon
16. Arizona Cardinals - Derrick Harvey, DE/LB - Florida
Showing posts with label 2008 mock draft. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2008 mock draft. Show all posts
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - Detroit, BPA vs. Need
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
The day was flying bye, I’d managed to get info on 6 more teams by 3pm, and even managed to eat a little chicken before it was confiscated by Romeo. And things were never boring with Romeo around. So I was a little disappointed when he decided that he should head out to get some work done after Lovie left. I used the opportunity to order a sandwich in hopes that I could actually get a whole meal down before he came back.
While I was waiting for my food two men burst through the door, arguing loudly.
Man #1 – I’m the GM, I’ll decide
Man #2 – We’ve tried you way for years, look where its gotten us, I’m making the call.
Man #1 looks at me – Ok how about we ask this guy who will decide.
Man #2 – Works for me.
Man #1 – Excuse me sir, I’m Matt Millen and this is Rod Marinelli, now you see I’m the GM of the Lions and he is the head coach. We are having a little disagreement here. I say that I should choose what we eat for lunch, and he thinks that he should choose what we order.
Brick – Ummmmm, well I don’t know about restaurants in Detroit, but here you can each choose your own meal, here sit down and I’ll walk you through it.
Millen – We can each choose our own meal, we don’t have to have the same thing?
Marinelli – I like this place.
Millen and Marinelli sit down, and I walk them through the process of choosing am item on the menu. Millen insists on ordering the Steak sandwich since it is the 1st thing on the lunch menu.
Millen – I don’t need a steak sandwich, but it is the highest ranked item on the board.
Marinelli orders a cheese quesadilla, he doesn’t give a reason.
While we waited for the food to arrive I asked my standard question.
Brick – So who are you guys looking to draft.
Millen – It all depends on who the best available player is when we pick.
Marinelli – Or the guy who best fills a need
Millen – best available
Marinelli – Fills a need
Millen – best available
Marinelli – Fills a need
Millen – best available
Marinelli – Fills a need
Brick – guys, guys enough…
Millen – best available
Brick – look, here is the list of players I have still available based on the other NFL execs I have talked to, which do you like?
Millen – well I obviously like DeSean Jackson, he is the highest rated guy on the board, and I always say take the best available player.
Marinelli – So help me god, if we take another Wide receiver with out 1st round draft pick I’ll go Ray Lewis on your ass.
Millen – Look at the board Jackson is the best player available. It’s a no brainer.
Marinelli – you are a no brainer. Let me see that list.
Marinelli looks over the list for a couple minutes while Millen looks over the beer menu.
Millen – I’ll take an Amstell Light, its at the top of the chart.
Marinelli – Well, we need a DT but the value just isn’t there, so I guess I’d suggest we select Jonathan Stewart, we need a RB since Jones is always hurt and we need to keep the D off the field to succeed.
Millen – Stewart, but he is the 4th guy on this list. No, we need to take the best player available.
Marinelli – Fills a need
Millen – best available
Marinelli – Fills a need
Millen – best available
Brick – I think I have the answer, you two give me a minute, and your food is here. So eat up, this will only take me a minute.
While they continued their argument between bites I pulled out a blank sheet of paper and quickly jotted down players names, positions and schools. Then crossed out the names of players already selected.
Brick – A new list has come out and I’ve got it here. Mr. Millen would you like to see it?
Millen – Are you kidding, I love lists, let me see.
Matt looks over the list, hands it to Marinelli
Millen – I think we should take Jonathan Stewart since he is the best player available.
Marinelli – I like that choice since he also fills a need.
Millen – you agree with me, really, that’s great, lunch is on me.
Millen gets up and heads to the bar to pay for lunch. While he is gone Marinelli leans over to me and whispers
Marinelli – thank you very much, we should have thought of that years ago. I’m going to go back to Detroit and try to get them to offer you a position on the scouting staff. We need your kind of skills in the war room.
Brick – while that’s a very nice offer, I’m afraid that I couldn’t put up with that nonsense every day.
Millen returns
Millen (looking at me) what have you been eating; the tab was over $600.00.
Brick – Oh, sorry about that, Romeo has been here all day.
Millen – no big deal, I’m putting it on the Lions charge card anyway. Ready Marinelli, I think we can still schedule an interview with Stewart before the end of the day.
Marinelli – I’m done here, thank again for your help.
Brick – no problem, good luck guys.
As Millen and Marinelli head to the door, Romeo comes back in holding two subway bags.
Millen – Romeo, good to see you, I see you went to Subway, I always order the Subway Club, it’s the number 1 sandwich on the board.
Romeo – That’s a sucka move, you got to get the ham fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
11. Buffalo Bills – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
12. Denver Broncos - Kenny Philips, S, Miami
13. Carolina Panthers – D. Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tenn. St
14. Chicago Bears - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
15. Detroit Lions - Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon
The day was flying bye, I’d managed to get info on 6 more teams by 3pm, and even managed to eat a little chicken before it was confiscated by Romeo. And things were never boring with Romeo around. So I was a little disappointed when he decided that he should head out to get some work done after Lovie left. I used the opportunity to order a sandwich in hopes that I could actually get a whole meal down before he came back.
While I was waiting for my food two men burst through the door, arguing loudly.
Man #1 – I’m the GM, I’ll decide
Man #2 – We’ve tried you way for years, look where its gotten us, I’m making the call.
Man #1 looks at me – Ok how about we ask this guy who will decide.
Man #2 – Works for me.
Man #1 – Excuse me sir, I’m Matt Millen and this is Rod Marinelli, now you see I’m the GM of the Lions and he is the head coach. We are having a little disagreement here. I say that I should choose what we eat for lunch, and he thinks that he should choose what we order.
Brick – Ummmmm, well I don’t know about restaurants in Detroit, but here you can each choose your own meal, here sit down and I’ll walk you through it.
Millen – We can each choose our own meal, we don’t have to have the same thing?
Marinelli – I like this place.
Millen and Marinelli sit down, and I walk them through the process of choosing am item on the menu. Millen insists on ordering the Steak sandwich since it is the 1st thing on the lunch menu.
Millen – I don’t need a steak sandwich, but it is the highest ranked item on the board.
Marinelli orders a cheese quesadilla, he doesn’t give a reason.
While we waited for the food to arrive I asked my standard question.
Brick – So who are you guys looking to draft.
Millen – It all depends on who the best available player is when we pick.
Marinelli – Or the guy who best fills a need
Millen – best available
Marinelli – Fills a need
Millen – best available
Marinelli – Fills a need
Millen – best available
Marinelli – Fills a need
Brick – guys, guys enough…
Millen – best available
Brick – look, here is the list of players I have still available based on the other NFL execs I have talked to, which do you like?
Millen – well I obviously like DeSean Jackson, he is the highest rated guy on the board, and I always say take the best available player.
Marinelli – So help me god, if we take another Wide receiver with out 1st round draft pick I’ll go Ray Lewis on your ass.
Millen – Look at the board Jackson is the best player available. It’s a no brainer.
Marinelli – you are a no brainer. Let me see that list.
Marinelli looks over the list for a couple minutes while Millen looks over the beer menu.
Millen – I’ll take an Amstell Light, its at the top of the chart.
Marinelli – Well, we need a DT but the value just isn’t there, so I guess I’d suggest we select Jonathan Stewart, we need a RB since Jones is always hurt and we need to keep the D off the field to succeed.
Millen – Stewart, but he is the 4th guy on this list. No, we need to take the best player available.
Marinelli – Fills a need
Millen – best available
Marinelli – Fills a need
Millen – best available
Brick – I think I have the answer, you two give me a minute, and your food is here. So eat up, this will only take me a minute.
While they continued their argument between bites I pulled out a blank sheet of paper and quickly jotted down players names, positions and schools. Then crossed out the names of players already selected.
Brick – A new list has come out and I’ve got it here. Mr. Millen would you like to see it?
Millen – Are you kidding, I love lists, let me see.
Matt looks over the list, hands it to Marinelli
Millen – I think we should take Jonathan Stewart since he is the best player available.
Marinelli – I like that choice since he also fills a need.
Millen – you agree with me, really, that’s great, lunch is on me.
Millen gets up and heads to the bar to pay for lunch. While he is gone Marinelli leans over to me and whispers
Marinelli – thank you very much, we should have thought of that years ago. I’m going to go back to Detroit and try to get them to offer you a position on the scouting staff. We need your kind of skills in the war room.
Brick – while that’s a very nice offer, I’m afraid that I couldn’t put up with that nonsense every day.
Millen returns
Millen (looking at me) what have you been eating; the tab was over $600.00.
Brick – Oh, sorry about that, Romeo has been here all day.
Millen – no big deal, I’m putting it on the Lions charge card anyway. Ready Marinelli, I think we can still schedule an interview with Stewart before the end of the day.
Marinelli – I’m done here, thank again for your help.
Brick – no problem, good luck guys.
As Millen and Marinelli head to the door, Romeo comes back in holding two subway bags.
Millen – Romeo, good to see you, I see you went to Subway, I always order the Subway Club, it’s the number 1 sandwich on the board.
Romeo – That’s a sucka move, you got to get the ham fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
11. Buffalo Bills – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
12. Denver Broncos - Kenny Philips, S, Miami
13. Carolina Panthers – D. Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tenn. St
14. Chicago Bears - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
15. Detroit Lions - Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - Chicago, rapping with lovie
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
The thump of old-skool rap music prevented Romeo from further regaling me of tales from Thailand. Looking toward the door a rotund black man was entering with an 1980’s style boom box on his shoulder. As the melodic sounds of A Tribe Called Quest washed over the bar Romeo jumped to his feet.
Romeo – LoveDog waz-up hommie.
Lovie Smith – R-diggity, what it is
Romeo and Lovie then go through an elaborate handshake that seems to take at least 3 minutes to complete.
Lovie – Yo, yo, yo R-diggity, you making this place your new crib or what.
Romeo – you know how I roll, I’m just here chillin like a villain
Lovie – word
Romeo – Yo, brother, why don’t you get off your dogs and have some eats
Lovie – You know that Love Dog don’t eat no swine, I’m headin to the hood to get some soul food, I was just seein if you was down.
Romeo – Man you know that soul food stuff is just the man’s way of keeping us down, a proud black man like me deserves better than grits and chitlins
Lovie – Bro, don’t be sellin out on me now, you gots to keep it real.
Romeo – I am keeping it real, I just appreciates the finer things.
Lovie – tru dat, who is this white boy you be hangin with?
Romeo – man he’s cool, he’s cool, common sit yo ass down.
Lovie sits down, and turns off the boom box. Romeo corrals the waiter and orders three fried chickens and three diet cokes.
Romeo – (looks at me) Ok, white boy, you know you want to ask Love dog your questions, why don’t you hit him up now before we get our eat on.
Brick – Mr. Smith, where are the Bears looking to go in the draft.
Lovie – man, whats this Mr. Smith stuff, Romeo I though you said this white boy was cool, call me LoveDog homeslice.
Brick – Yo, I’m cool Lovedog, I can hang.
Lovie – Man, this whiteboy is whiter than wonder bread, Ok wonder bread what was your question again.
Brick – Lovedog, the Bears need help almost everywhere, who are you looking at here at the combine.
Lovie – Man wonderbread, you is one serious MF’er, Chi-town will be right back on top this year. B-Favre ain’t repeatin, he be older than ____, T-Jack makes my boy sexy Rexy look like a superstar. D-town, its D-town fool, what they gonna do. Chi-town will be right back on top in 08.
Brick – I can dig that, but you got the pick, who ya gonna take.
Lovie – wonderbread, cut the jive talk, you cool, but you can’t hang with the jive, keep it white homie.
Brick – Ok lovedog, I’ll cut the jive talk, but how about the prospects, The Bears seem like they could go just about anywhere in the 1st round.
Lovie – I like you wonderbread, so I’m going to keep it real. Ain’t no QB that is gonna help out Chi-town this year, If B-train leaves we will be hurting at receiver, Our fatboys be solid.
Brick – That’s all true, but how about running back, Jones leaving really hurt last year.
Lovie – Aw man, why you bringing up running backs wonderbread. CB be gayer than Quinn.
Romeo – true dat, true dat
Brick – So I guess Chicago could be looking at the running backs that are available, like Jones, Mendenhall or Stewart.
Lovie – I’m down with Mendenhall, and he is down with Chi-town. He needs a bad ass nickname though, none of that R-Men jive.
Romeo – Ramen, shit bro, I could go for some Chinese food.
Then, as if Romeo was a portly genie granting his own wish, the waiter showed up with the fried chickens. I actually managed to distract myself by watching the combine on NFL network long enough to choke down a leg while Romeo and Smith tossed out potential nicknames between and during bites of food.
Romeo – Busta Runs
Lovie – Man, that’s wack, sounds like he ate too much Mexican food. How about Run RMD?
Romeo – Blank will sue for trademark infringement, How’s MC Rash grab ya.
Lovie – Sounds like he went to Thailand with Foxy, hey you ever get that cleared up?
Brick – Is the nickname really that important? Isn’t enough just to get the best player?
Lovie – Wonderbread, you ain’t from the hood, so you’ll never under stand the hood,
Brick – Fine, call he whatever you want, for my purposes, I’m putting the Bears down for Mendenhall and leaving it at that. Romeo do you have anything to add?
Romeo – What are you talking about
Brick – you know, you end each of these things with some comment in your Mr. T. voice.
Romeo – Don’t be playin me like a fool sucka, I ain’t never done that.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
11. Buffalo Bills – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
12. Denver Broncos - Kenny Philips, S, Miami
13. Carolina Panthers – D. Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tenn. St
14. Chicago Bears - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
The thump of old-skool rap music prevented Romeo from further regaling me of tales from Thailand. Looking toward the door a rotund black man was entering with an 1980’s style boom box on his shoulder. As the melodic sounds of A Tribe Called Quest washed over the bar Romeo jumped to his feet.
Romeo – LoveDog waz-up hommie.
Lovie Smith – R-diggity, what it is
Romeo and Lovie then go through an elaborate handshake that seems to take at least 3 minutes to complete.
Lovie – Yo, yo, yo R-diggity, you making this place your new crib or what.
Romeo – you know how I roll, I’m just here chillin like a villain
Lovie – word
Romeo – Yo, brother, why don’t you get off your dogs and have some eats
Lovie – You know that Love Dog don’t eat no swine, I’m headin to the hood to get some soul food, I was just seein if you was down.
Romeo – Man you know that soul food stuff is just the man’s way of keeping us down, a proud black man like me deserves better than grits and chitlins
Lovie – Bro, don’t be sellin out on me now, you gots to keep it real.
Romeo – I am keeping it real, I just appreciates the finer things.
Lovie – tru dat, who is this white boy you be hangin with?
Romeo – man he’s cool, he’s cool, common sit yo ass down.
Lovie sits down, and turns off the boom box. Romeo corrals the waiter and orders three fried chickens and three diet cokes.
Romeo – (looks at me) Ok, white boy, you know you want to ask Love dog your questions, why don’t you hit him up now before we get our eat on.
Brick – Mr. Smith, where are the Bears looking to go in the draft.
Lovie – man, whats this Mr. Smith stuff, Romeo I though you said this white boy was cool, call me LoveDog homeslice.
Brick – Yo, I’m cool Lovedog, I can hang.
Lovie – Man, this whiteboy is whiter than wonder bread, Ok wonder bread what was your question again.
Brick – Lovedog, the Bears need help almost everywhere, who are you looking at here at the combine.
Lovie – Man wonderbread, you is one serious MF’er, Chi-town will be right back on top this year. B-Favre ain’t repeatin, he be older than ____, T-Jack makes my boy sexy Rexy look like a superstar. D-town, its D-town fool, what they gonna do. Chi-town will be right back on top in 08.
Brick – I can dig that, but you got the pick, who ya gonna take.
Lovie – wonderbread, cut the jive talk, you cool, but you can’t hang with the jive, keep it white homie.
Brick – Ok lovedog, I’ll cut the jive talk, but how about the prospects, The Bears seem like they could go just about anywhere in the 1st round.
Lovie – I like you wonderbread, so I’m going to keep it real. Ain’t no QB that is gonna help out Chi-town this year, If B-train leaves we will be hurting at receiver, Our fatboys be solid.
Brick – That’s all true, but how about running back, Jones leaving really hurt last year.
Lovie – Aw man, why you bringing up running backs wonderbread. CB be gayer than Quinn.
Romeo – true dat, true dat
Brick – So I guess Chicago could be looking at the running backs that are available, like Jones, Mendenhall or Stewart.
Lovie – I’m down with Mendenhall, and he is down with Chi-town. He needs a bad ass nickname though, none of that R-Men jive.
Romeo – Ramen, shit bro, I could go for some Chinese food.
Then, as if Romeo was a portly genie granting his own wish, the waiter showed up with the fried chickens. I actually managed to distract myself by watching the combine on NFL network long enough to choke down a leg while Romeo and Smith tossed out potential nicknames between and during bites of food.
Romeo – Busta Runs
Lovie – Man, that’s wack, sounds like he ate too much Mexican food. How about Run RMD?
Romeo – Blank will sue for trademark infringement, How’s MC Rash grab ya.
Lovie – Sounds like he went to Thailand with Foxy, hey you ever get that cleared up?
Brick – Is the nickname really that important? Isn’t enough just to get the best player?
Lovie – Wonderbread, you ain’t from the hood, so you’ll never under stand the hood,
Brick – Fine, call he whatever you want, for my purposes, I’m putting the Bears down for Mendenhall and leaving it at that. Romeo do you have anything to add?
Romeo – What are you talking about
Brick – you know, you end each of these things with some comment in your Mr. T. voice.
Romeo – Don’t be playin me like a fool sucka, I ain’t never done that.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
11. Buffalo Bills – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
12. Denver Broncos - Kenny Philips, S, Miami
13. Carolina Panthers – D. Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tenn. St
14. Chicago Bears - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
Friday, March 14, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - Carolina, Temporary Normalcy
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
Thankfully, Marv’s nurse showed up right after the Rat left. So after introducing ourselves again, Romeo and I said our goodbyes to Marv. Romeo then launched into another Anti-Brady Quinn diatribe that thankfully was cut short by the waiter showing up with the orders for Marv, Shanahan and Romeo. Romeo assured the waiter that the others would return, and then happily started digging into all three meals. It was then that I spotted John Fox sitting alone at the bar. I don’t even think Romeo noticed that I left the table; he was too consumed with the spread in front of him.
Brick – is this seat taken?
Fox – No, you can sit there.
Brick – You’re John Fox right?
Fox – Yeah, wow this is the 1st time someone has recognized me outside of Charlotte.
Brick – well I guess I watch too much football. So how is the combine going?
Fox – As good as can be expected. We are stuck in the middle of round 1; the value just isn’t there this year. We are going to miss out on the top 5 guys, and overpay for someone who is should be drafted at the end of round 1.
Brick – yeah, I’ve heard that about this year’s draft, there just isn’t much value in the middle of round 1.
Fox – you’re telling me, through in the fact that every year we are picked by pundits to go back to the Super Bowl, and I’m starting to worry about my job.
Brick – well on paper your team constantly looks like the best in the South, what do you think has been the problem?
Fox – My QB can’t stay healthy, I had two running backs that can’t carry the load, I only have one wide receiver that can actually catch, and on defense other than Peppers, who would start anywhere else.
Brick – So I guess you could go just about anywhere with your pick. Although you seem to have locked up your two offensive tackles, so I can’t see you taking one of them. How about corner, you could go with Rodgers-Cromartie or McKelvin.
Fox – I like Rodgers-Cromartie’s potential, but he is very raw, you don’t think that Mike Jenkins will be there?
Brick – New Orleans seems to be resigned to take him.
Fox – Payton must be back in Parcells’ back pocket.
Brick – well you could upgrade the running back position, Mendenhall, Jones and Stewart could all be there.
Fox – yeah, but I’m just not sold on any of them being able to carry the load, they all played in college systems that don’t translate to the pro game. It would be like paying more for what we just got rid of. That’s really not an upgrade.
Brick – good point, I guess you could go wide receiver; Kelly, Jackson or Hardy could all be there for you.
Fox – I don’t like Kelly, I have enough guys with hands of stone, DeShawn would be a Steve Smith clone, and while he would help in the return game, you don’t want to run the smurfs out onto the field. Hardy is raw, but could be a real red zone threat for us while he learns the system.
Brick – so it sounds like your choice is coming down to Rodgers-Cromartie or James Hardy.
Fox – Yeah, I guess it is, god I hope someone slips or we can trade down, neither of them is going to be much help this year, and that could cost me my job. Both of them will most likely take two or three years to develop.
Brick – so lets say that you can’t trade down, who would you, take?
Fox – Well I’m going to assume that the front office gets both Moose and Alge signed to shore up the offense, and say that I’ll take my chances on Cromartie. Hopefully he can hold his own in spot duty this year and give us an occasional lift.
Brick – thanks for the insight Mr. Fox, I have one last question for you.
Fox – shoot
Brick – are you sure you’re an NFL coach? You just seem too…normal.
Fox – Yeah it’s a strange business, you just have to do what you can to get buy.
Brick – well, thank you for your time, good luck this season.
Fox – thanks, I’ll need it.
With that I excused myself and headed back over to my table. Where Romeo was finishing the cheese platter.
Romeo – Saw you talking to Foxy, he is a strange one.
Brick – really? he seemed normal to me.
Romeo – Oh no, not Foxy, he is one strange bird, he love to be dominated, there were pictures of him from before the Super Bowl where he had a ball gag in his mouth and…
Brick – OK, I really don’t care
Romeo – Oh and there was that time in Thailand when we double…
Brick – Fine, he’s a freak. You happy?
Romeo – look sucka, don’t get uppity with me since you like that fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
11. Buffalo Bills – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
12. Denver Broncos - Kenny Philips, S, Miami
13. Carolina Panthers – D. Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tenn. St
Thankfully, Marv’s nurse showed up right after the Rat left. So after introducing ourselves again, Romeo and I said our goodbyes to Marv. Romeo then launched into another Anti-Brady Quinn diatribe that thankfully was cut short by the waiter showing up with the orders for Marv, Shanahan and Romeo. Romeo assured the waiter that the others would return, and then happily started digging into all three meals. It was then that I spotted John Fox sitting alone at the bar. I don’t even think Romeo noticed that I left the table; he was too consumed with the spread in front of him.
Brick – is this seat taken?
Fox – No, you can sit there.
Brick – You’re John Fox right?
Fox – Yeah, wow this is the 1st time someone has recognized me outside of Charlotte.
Brick – well I guess I watch too much football. So how is the combine going?
Fox – As good as can be expected. We are stuck in the middle of round 1; the value just isn’t there this year. We are going to miss out on the top 5 guys, and overpay for someone who is should be drafted at the end of round 1.
Brick – yeah, I’ve heard that about this year’s draft, there just isn’t much value in the middle of round 1.
Fox – you’re telling me, through in the fact that every year we are picked by pundits to go back to the Super Bowl, and I’m starting to worry about my job.
Brick – well on paper your team constantly looks like the best in the South, what do you think has been the problem?
Fox – My QB can’t stay healthy, I had two running backs that can’t carry the load, I only have one wide receiver that can actually catch, and on defense other than Peppers, who would start anywhere else.
Brick – So I guess you could go just about anywhere with your pick. Although you seem to have locked up your two offensive tackles, so I can’t see you taking one of them. How about corner, you could go with Rodgers-Cromartie or McKelvin.
Fox – I like Rodgers-Cromartie’s potential, but he is very raw, you don’t think that Mike Jenkins will be there?
Brick – New Orleans seems to be resigned to take him.
Fox – Payton must be back in Parcells’ back pocket.
Brick – well you could upgrade the running back position, Mendenhall, Jones and Stewart could all be there.
Fox – yeah, but I’m just not sold on any of them being able to carry the load, they all played in college systems that don’t translate to the pro game. It would be like paying more for what we just got rid of. That’s really not an upgrade.
Brick – good point, I guess you could go wide receiver; Kelly, Jackson or Hardy could all be there for you.
Fox – I don’t like Kelly, I have enough guys with hands of stone, DeShawn would be a Steve Smith clone, and while he would help in the return game, you don’t want to run the smurfs out onto the field. Hardy is raw, but could be a real red zone threat for us while he learns the system.
Brick – so it sounds like your choice is coming down to Rodgers-Cromartie or James Hardy.
Fox – Yeah, I guess it is, god I hope someone slips or we can trade down, neither of them is going to be much help this year, and that could cost me my job. Both of them will most likely take two or three years to develop.
Brick – so lets say that you can’t trade down, who would you, take?
Fox – Well I’m going to assume that the front office gets both Moose and Alge signed to shore up the offense, and say that I’ll take my chances on Cromartie. Hopefully he can hold his own in spot duty this year and give us an occasional lift.
Brick – thanks for the insight Mr. Fox, I have one last question for you.
Fox – shoot
Brick – are you sure you’re an NFL coach? You just seem too…normal.
Fox – Yeah it’s a strange business, you just have to do what you can to get buy.
Brick – well, thank you for your time, good luck this season.
Fox – thanks, I’ll need it.
With that I excused myself and headed back over to my table. Where Romeo was finishing the cheese platter.
Romeo – Saw you talking to Foxy, he is a strange one.
Brick – really? he seemed normal to me.
Romeo – Oh no, not Foxy, he is one strange bird, he love to be dominated, there were pictures of him from before the Super Bowl where he had a ball gag in his mouth and…
Brick – OK, I really don’t care
Romeo – Oh and there was that time in Thailand when we double…
Brick – Fine, he’s a freak. You happy?
Romeo – look sucka, don’t get uppity with me since you like that fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
11. Buffalo Bills – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
12. Denver Broncos - Kenny Philips, S, Miami
13. Carolina Panthers – D. Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tenn. St
Thursday, March 13, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - Denver, I smell a rat
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
It may have been the frustration of trying to have a conversation where we talked 1990’s Buffalo Bills in conjunction with the draft, or it could have just been the lunch rush, but it seemed like it was taking forever to get our order and Romeo was getting visibly disturbed. My attention was taken away from the door as the beads of sweat forming on Romeo’s brow began to consume my attention, so I didn’t even see our next guest come in. Than again, he may have just scurried in under the door.
Mike Shanahan – Romeo, how are things in Cleveland, hehehehe
Romeo – hello Mike, have you given up on all my cast-offs yet?
Shanahan – I got more out of them than you ever could. You may have had a better season last year, but need I remind you… Brady Quinn, hehehehe
Romeo – you are a real piece of shit, you know that right.
Shanahan – hehehehehe
Marv - Marv – Hello, I don’t believe we’ve been introduced; I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Shanahan – 4 straight superbowl losses, that must sting huh Marv hehehehe
Marv – well we are still the team to beat in the AFC, although you are building a nice team around John.
Shanahan – So I know Romeo, I know Marv, who are you (addressing me)
Brick – names Brick, I’m here studying NFL coaches, I’ve found that most can be compared to members of the animal kingdom, you could pass for a rat.
Shanahan – Raider fan huh, TIME OUT, hehehehe
The waiter shows up.
Sorry for the delay gentlemen, things are all backed up in the kitchen, is there something I can get you Sir (addressing Shanahan)
Shanahan – how about a cheese platter.
Romeo, Marv and I all crack up laughing
Shanahan – cheese, yeh, Rat, I know, hehehehe
Romeo – at least you don’t try to hide it,
Brick – So is the team going to under perform for you again this year.
Shanahan – ITS NOT MY FAULT, IT WAS THE DC… I GAVE HIM ALL THE PIECES, HE JUST COULDN’T GET IT DONE.
Romeo – settle down Alice, your going to get us all kicked out of here, you know how restaurants hate rodents.
Marv – Hello, I don’t believe we’ve been introduced; I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Shanahan – Wide Right, hehehehehe
Marv starts to weep a little
Marv – we worked so hard that year, I thought we were going to beat the Giants, but we can’t pin that all on Scott, it was a team loss.
Shanahan – hehehehehe
Brick – you are a real ass
Shanahan – Oh, I’m just having a little fun with the old man, have you told him that he was fired
Marv stares blankly at Shanahan
Romeo – ignore him Marv, he is just bitter that without John he’ll never amount to anything.
Marv – what happened to John?
Brick – nothing, Romeo is just pointing out how important he is to the team, So Mike, what are the Broncos looking to do in this years draft?
Shanahan – well its no secret, we need to find some more weapons for Jay
Marv – John?
Shanahan – yeah , more weapons for John, our oline is aging but we find our guys later in the draft, and in the secondary we could use some safety help and you can never have enough dlineman.
Marv – well you should be able to target a receiver like Malcolm Kelly or DeSean Jackson or a safety like Kenny Philips at your slot, I think the value won’t be there at D tackle for you.
Shanahan stares blankly at Marv
Brick – yeah, its 1994 with 2008 draft picks, its giving me a headache.
Marv – Hello, I don’t believe we’ve been introduced; I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Shanahan (visibly shaken) yeah, if Kenny Philips is there, I don’t see us passing on him, either WR would be nice, but the draft is deep there and I can get one in round 2. I think I’m going to excuse myself.
Romeo – don’t let the door hit you on the way out asshole.
Shanahan (composing himself, looks at Romeo) Brady Quinn (looks at Marv) WIDE RIGHT, (looks at me) 2 division wins in the last 3 years…HEHEHEHEHE
And with that he scurried out of the bar, once again, I didn’t even see the door open.
Marv – poor Scott, he’ll never live that kick down.
Romeo – That sucka is a rat.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
11. Buffalo Bills – Sedric Ellis, DT, USC
12. Denver Broncos - Kenny Philips, S, Miami
It may have been the frustration of trying to have a conversation where we talked 1990’s Buffalo Bills in conjunction with the draft, or it could have just been the lunch rush, but it seemed like it was taking forever to get our order and Romeo was getting visibly disturbed. My attention was taken away from the door as the beads of sweat forming on Romeo’s brow began to consume my attention, so I didn’t even see our next guest come in. Than again, he may have just scurried in under the door.
Mike Shanahan – Romeo, how are things in Cleveland, hehehehe
Romeo – hello Mike, have you given up on all my cast-offs yet?
Shanahan – I got more out of them than you ever could. You may have had a better season last year, but need I remind you… Brady Quinn, hehehehe
Romeo – you are a real piece of shit, you know that right.
Shanahan – hehehehehe
Marv - Marv – Hello, I don’t believe we’ve been introduced; I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Shanahan – 4 straight superbowl losses, that must sting huh Marv hehehehe
Marv – well we are still the team to beat in the AFC, although you are building a nice team around John.
Shanahan – So I know Romeo, I know Marv, who are you (addressing me)
Brick – names Brick, I’m here studying NFL coaches, I’ve found that most can be compared to members of the animal kingdom, you could pass for a rat.
Shanahan – Raider fan huh, TIME OUT, hehehehe
The waiter shows up.
Sorry for the delay gentlemen, things are all backed up in the kitchen, is there something I can get you Sir (addressing Shanahan)
Shanahan – how about a cheese platter.
Romeo, Marv and I all crack up laughing
Shanahan – cheese, yeh, Rat, I know, hehehehe
Romeo – at least you don’t try to hide it,
Brick – So is the team going to under perform for you again this year.
Shanahan – ITS NOT MY FAULT, IT WAS THE DC… I GAVE HIM ALL THE PIECES, HE JUST COULDN’T GET IT DONE.
Romeo – settle down Alice, your going to get us all kicked out of here, you know how restaurants hate rodents.
Marv – Hello, I don’t believe we’ve been introduced; I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Shanahan – Wide Right, hehehehehe
Marv starts to weep a little
Marv – we worked so hard that year, I thought we were going to beat the Giants, but we can’t pin that all on Scott, it was a team loss.
Shanahan – hehehehehe
Brick – you are a real ass
Shanahan – Oh, I’m just having a little fun with the old man, have you told him that he was fired
Marv stares blankly at Shanahan
Romeo – ignore him Marv, he is just bitter that without John he’ll never amount to anything.
Marv – what happened to John?
Brick – nothing, Romeo is just pointing out how important he is to the team, So Mike, what are the Broncos looking to do in this years draft?
Shanahan – well its no secret, we need to find some more weapons for Jay
Marv – John?
Shanahan – yeah , more weapons for John, our oline is aging but we find our guys later in the draft, and in the secondary we could use some safety help and you can never have enough dlineman.
Marv – well you should be able to target a receiver like Malcolm Kelly or DeSean Jackson or a safety like Kenny Philips at your slot, I think the value won’t be there at D tackle for you.
Shanahan stares blankly at Marv
Brick – yeah, its 1994 with 2008 draft picks, its giving me a headache.
Marv – Hello, I don’t believe we’ve been introduced; I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Shanahan (visibly shaken) yeah, if Kenny Philips is there, I don’t see us passing on him, either WR would be nice, but the draft is deep there and I can get one in round 2. I think I’m going to excuse myself.
Romeo – don’t let the door hit you on the way out asshole.
Shanahan (composing himself, looks at Romeo) Brady Quinn (looks at Marv) WIDE RIGHT, (looks at me) 2 division wins in the last 3 years…HEHEHEHEHE
And with that he scurried out of the bar, once again, I didn’t even see the door open.
Marv – poor Scott, he’ll never live that kick down.
Romeo – That sucka is a rat.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
11. Buffalo Bills – Sedric Ellis, DT, USC
12. Denver Broncos - Kenny Philips, S, Miami
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - Buffalo, Marv is Lost
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
As the bar continued to fill for the lunch rush, a commotion arose at the bar.
Bartender – No we do not offer a senior citizens discount, I don’t care who you are. You can leave for all I care, I’m too busy to deal with you today Marv.
Romeo – Marv, hey Marv…MARV!!!!
Old man turns around.
Romeo – come over here, I’ll get you lunch.
Marv Levy – Thanks, but do I know you?
Romeo – yeah Marv, it’s me Romeo Crennel, we have know each other for years.
Marv – It’s a pleasure to meet you; I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Brick – Mr. Levy, I hate to be rude, but you haven’t been head coach of the Bills in years, in fact you don’t even work for them anymore.
Marv stares blankly at me for a few moments
Marv – A pleasure to meet you young man, I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Romeo – just play along, someone will be here soon to pick him up.
Brick (shrugging shoulders) Ok, well Marv, what brings you to the combine.
Marv – Well we are always looking for bright young talent to add to our team, I really feel this is the year we take the next step and win the Super Bowl.
Brick – wow, shouldn’t you concentrate on making the playoffs 1st, Its going to be tough to get past New England.
Marv – New England, we have dominated them for years, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. No the biggest threat to us in division in Miami and that damn Dan Marino.
Brick – Dan Marino… but he hasn’t….
Romeo – what my friend is trying to say is that you are real close, are you looking more at offense or defense.
Marv – Well Jim would always like more receivers and lineman, but if the Dallas game proved anything to us, its that we need to upgrade our defense to get the ball back and keep the K-gun on the field.
Waiter shows up at the table, takes Marv’s and Romeo’s orders.
Marv – Hello, I don’t believe we’ve been introduced; I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Brick – Yes you are, you were about to tell me about who you are looking at on the Dline.
Marv – Why yes, Bruce Smith is one of the most dominant defensive ends in the history of the NFL, but we could use some help up the middle, someone to take advantage of the double teams that he demands.
Brick – so you don’t think an upgrade at corner or wide receiver is in order.
Marv – well you see the draft is a crapshoot, and you never know what is going to fall to you. A player like Glenn Dorsey could slip, or the best player available could be a big wide out like Malcolm Kelly, we have had luck with Okalahoma boys.
Brick – Dorsey…Kelly I thought we were talking 1994
Marv stares blankly at me for a minute
Marv – Hello, I don’t believe we’ve been introduced; I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Brick – Ok, so lets say that Sedrick Ellis is there, would he be a player that the Bills are interested in?
Marv – Oh, no doubt. That young man would look great lined up next to Bruce Smith. He could make the difference in a rematch with Dallas.
Brick – well than it’s settled, I’m putting the Bills down for Sedrick Ellis, nice choice Mr. Levy.
Marv – I’m sorry, have we met… I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Romeo – where is this fools nurse.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
11. Buffalo Bills – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
As the bar continued to fill for the lunch rush, a commotion arose at the bar.
Bartender – No we do not offer a senior citizens discount, I don’t care who you are. You can leave for all I care, I’m too busy to deal with you today Marv.
Romeo – Marv, hey Marv…MARV!!!!
Old man turns around.
Romeo – come over here, I’ll get you lunch.
Marv Levy – Thanks, but do I know you?
Romeo – yeah Marv, it’s me Romeo Crennel, we have know each other for years.
Marv – It’s a pleasure to meet you; I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Brick – Mr. Levy, I hate to be rude, but you haven’t been head coach of the Bills in years, in fact you don’t even work for them anymore.
Marv stares blankly at me for a few moments
Marv – A pleasure to meet you young man, I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Romeo – just play along, someone will be here soon to pick him up.
Brick (shrugging shoulders) Ok, well Marv, what brings you to the combine.
Marv – Well we are always looking for bright young talent to add to our team, I really feel this is the year we take the next step and win the Super Bowl.
Brick – wow, shouldn’t you concentrate on making the playoffs 1st, Its going to be tough to get past New England.
Marv – New England, we have dominated them for years, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. No the biggest threat to us in division in Miami and that damn Dan Marino.
Brick – Dan Marino… but he hasn’t….
Romeo – what my friend is trying to say is that you are real close, are you looking more at offense or defense.
Marv – Well Jim would always like more receivers and lineman, but if the Dallas game proved anything to us, its that we need to upgrade our defense to get the ball back and keep the K-gun on the field.
Waiter shows up at the table, takes Marv’s and Romeo’s orders.
Marv – Hello, I don’t believe we’ve been introduced; I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Brick – Yes you are, you were about to tell me about who you are looking at on the Dline.
Marv – Why yes, Bruce Smith is one of the most dominant defensive ends in the history of the NFL, but we could use some help up the middle, someone to take advantage of the double teams that he demands.
Brick – so you don’t think an upgrade at corner or wide receiver is in order.
Marv – well you see the draft is a crapshoot, and you never know what is going to fall to you. A player like Glenn Dorsey could slip, or the best player available could be a big wide out like Malcolm Kelly, we have had luck with Okalahoma boys.
Brick – Dorsey…Kelly I thought we were talking 1994
Marv stares blankly at me for a minute
Marv – Hello, I don’t believe we’ve been introduced; I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Brick – Ok, so lets say that Sedrick Ellis is there, would he be a player that the Bills are interested in?
Marv – Oh, no doubt. That young man would look great lined up next to Bruce Smith. He could make the difference in a rematch with Dallas.
Brick – well than it’s settled, I’m putting the Bills down for Sedrick Ellis, nice choice Mr. Levy.
Marv – I’m sorry, have we met… I’m Marv Levy, head coach of the Buffalo Bills.
Romeo – where is this fools nurse.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
11. Buffalo Bills – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - New Orleans, aborted
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
Due to technical difficulties the Shawn Payton interview will not be posted. I have been having trouble with the blog site crashing my Internet browser. But lets be honest. The Saints segment sucked, it was the worst one I put together, and I’m not all that disappointed it will never see the Internet.
It went something like this, Payton comes in, Romeo eats, Parcells shows up. Payton finds out that Keith Rivers is not available. Starts crying. Parcells tells him to act like a man and to make Jenkins an offer he can’t refuse. You know Godfather bullshit. You’ve read it 100 times before. No need to rehash it here.
We’ll continue with the questionable humor of the mock draft tomorrow.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
Due to technical difficulties the Shawn Payton interview will not be posted. I have been having trouble with the blog site crashing my Internet browser. But lets be honest. The Saints segment sucked, it was the worst one I put together, and I’m not all that disappointed it will never see the Internet.
It went something like this, Payton comes in, Romeo eats, Parcells shows up. Payton finds out that Keith Rivers is not available. Starts crying. Parcells tells him to act like a man and to make Jenkins an offer he can’t refuse. You know Godfather bullshit. You’ve read it 100 times before. No need to rehash it here.
We’ll continue with the questionable humor of the mock draft tomorrow.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
Monday, March 10, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - Bengals, Mugging Marvin
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
With Romeo entering the Steak and Shake, I got my food to go and ordered an extra milkshake. I distracted Romeo with the Milkshake and left before I lost my appetite again. Back in my hotel room I looked over my notes and felt pretty good. On the 1st day in Indy I managed to get a hold of the top 8 teams. The bar I selected seemed like a winner.
The next morning I walked into the bar at about 10:30. The place was still a mess from the night before. The staff was hurrying around trying to get the place back in order before the lunch rush. I got my recording equipment back in order, but in doing so got some nasty shit on my hands. When I went into the bathroom to wash up I got my 1st surprise of Day 2.
Walking by the 2nd stall on my way to the sink, I saw a man passed out and just coming to.
Brick – Are you all right?
Man – (with face in hands) Uhhhnnnn, last thing I remember is telling Travis that I was heading out with him tonight to keep him out of trouble. What time is it?
Brick – about 11am.
Man – Oh shoot, I’ve been here all night, and the workouts are about to start.
Brick – So you are here for the combine.
Marvin Lewis (looking up) – yeah, I’m head coach of the Bengals.
Brick – Oh shit, I recognize you, can you get up.
Lewis – Yeah, my head feels like heck, I think I got mugged. Dang, my wallet is gone.
Brick – Common, I’ll buy you a coffee.
I went over to the sink and washed my hands, Marvin washed his face, staring blankly into the mirror. The two of us then went back out to the bar, where you know who was waiting for us.
Romeo – Marvin, looks like you went out with the boys again last night. Don’t you ever learn.
Marvin – I thought it would be different this time. I thought that if I went out with Chris, Chad, Odell, and J.J. there wouldn’t be any trouble.
Romeo – Let me guess, your wallet is missing…again.
Marvin – Yeah, but at least I still have my cell phone. (Marvin takes out phone, hits 1 on speed dial)
Marvin – Amex, yeah its me Marvin again. Good, how are the kids. So what charges did I incur last night. No, I wasn’t at the eager beaver, no I didn’t pay $10,000.00 to mikes bail bonds, No I didn’t buy a water pipe. That’s it; well I guess they did behave themselves last night. Thanks.
Marvin – Well that went better than expected.
Waiter comes over with coffee, 3 diet cokes and two bacon egg and cheese sandwiches. Puts coffee in front of Marvin, the rest goes to Romeo.
Waiter – Mr. Lewis, good to see you again. Looks like you went out with the guys last night.
Marvin – yeah, those crazy rascals. Always leaving me in the bathroom. That’s why I like Indy, in Cincinnati someone would have pissed on me, here in Indy everyone is so polite, I just have some puke on the back of my shirt.
Waiter – the guys said you would be picking up the tab this morning. (Hands him check).
Marvin – Wow, $8,034.43, they are really maturing, this even includes damages, I paid at least twice this last year.
Waiter – yeah, and only 1 reported rape last night, you are really turning that team around.
Marvin – It just takes a little tough love, and a strong belief in God.
Brick – So Marvin, did you see anyone impressive yesterday at the combine?
Romeo – Hey, you’re the fool you was suppose to buy me lunch yesterday.
Brick – Remember I bought you a milkshake last night.
Romeo – Oh yeah, I do like milkshakes.
Marvin – There are some fine young men in this year’s draft. Did you know that Darren McFadden only has 4 children out of wedlock, and 2 priors at nightclubs, that young man has his head on straight.
Brick – I can see how he would be a good fit, but I think he is going to be a Falcon.
Marvin – That makes sense, there is an organization that values character individuals. They really have their act together. So it sounds like you have some idea as to whom the teams ahead of us are taking. Mind if I take a look at the list?
I passed over my mock draft and my list of players still available. Marvin took a quick look.
Marvin – I see you have heights, weights and 40 times listed here, but no information on the guys character. You really need some more information in order to make a good decision as to whom to draft. I see you still have Sedric Ellis and Keith Rivers available. Either one of those young men could shore up the middle of my defense.
Brick – So any preference?
Marvin – well you just can’t go wrong with a player from USC. That program produces some real quality individuals. We drafted Frostee Rucker from USC and he has produced just as expected. But I think we need more help at LB than at DL. I mean I had Dhani Jones on the squad last year. There was just no getting through to him, such a waste.
Brick – So I should put you down for Keith Rivers.
Marvin – Well, I do need to perform a thorough background check, but he seems like a winner to me. Thanks for the coffee, I need to get back over to the combine.
Brick – Shouldn’t you go change first, you do have puke on you.
Marvin – Oh, no. I’m sure those rascals went back to my room last night since they had my wallet. These are the only clothes I have left.
Brick – Well good luck to you.
Marvin – And may god be with the two of you, especially you Romeo, you do know that god hates fags, like Quinn.
Romeo – I hate him too.
Marvin then left the bar, limping noticeably.
Romeo – glad I don’t have to sit next to that stinky fool for the next 3 days.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
With Romeo entering the Steak and Shake, I got my food to go and ordered an extra milkshake. I distracted Romeo with the Milkshake and left before I lost my appetite again. Back in my hotel room I looked over my notes and felt pretty good. On the 1st day in Indy I managed to get a hold of the top 8 teams. The bar I selected seemed like a winner.
The next morning I walked into the bar at about 10:30. The place was still a mess from the night before. The staff was hurrying around trying to get the place back in order before the lunch rush. I got my recording equipment back in order, but in doing so got some nasty shit on my hands. When I went into the bathroom to wash up I got my 1st surprise of Day 2.
Walking by the 2nd stall on my way to the sink, I saw a man passed out and just coming to.
Brick – Are you all right?
Man – (with face in hands) Uhhhnnnn, last thing I remember is telling Travis that I was heading out with him tonight to keep him out of trouble. What time is it?
Brick – about 11am.
Man – Oh shoot, I’ve been here all night, and the workouts are about to start.
Brick – So you are here for the combine.
Marvin Lewis (looking up) – yeah, I’m head coach of the Bengals.
Brick – Oh shit, I recognize you, can you get up.
Lewis – Yeah, my head feels like heck, I think I got mugged. Dang, my wallet is gone.
Brick – Common, I’ll buy you a coffee.
I went over to the sink and washed my hands, Marvin washed his face, staring blankly into the mirror. The two of us then went back out to the bar, where you know who was waiting for us.
Romeo – Marvin, looks like you went out with the boys again last night. Don’t you ever learn.
Marvin – I thought it would be different this time. I thought that if I went out with Chris, Chad, Odell, and J.J. there wouldn’t be any trouble.
Romeo – Let me guess, your wallet is missing…again.
Marvin – Yeah, but at least I still have my cell phone. (Marvin takes out phone, hits 1 on speed dial)
Marvin – Amex, yeah its me Marvin again. Good, how are the kids. So what charges did I incur last night. No, I wasn’t at the eager beaver, no I didn’t pay $10,000.00 to mikes bail bonds, No I didn’t buy a water pipe. That’s it; well I guess they did behave themselves last night. Thanks.
Marvin – Well that went better than expected.
Waiter comes over with coffee, 3 diet cokes and two bacon egg and cheese sandwiches. Puts coffee in front of Marvin, the rest goes to Romeo.
Waiter – Mr. Lewis, good to see you again. Looks like you went out with the guys last night.
Marvin – yeah, those crazy rascals. Always leaving me in the bathroom. That’s why I like Indy, in Cincinnati someone would have pissed on me, here in Indy everyone is so polite, I just have some puke on the back of my shirt.
Waiter – the guys said you would be picking up the tab this morning. (Hands him check).
Marvin – Wow, $8,034.43, they are really maturing, this even includes damages, I paid at least twice this last year.
Waiter – yeah, and only 1 reported rape last night, you are really turning that team around.
Marvin – It just takes a little tough love, and a strong belief in God.
Brick – So Marvin, did you see anyone impressive yesterday at the combine?
Romeo – Hey, you’re the fool you was suppose to buy me lunch yesterday.
Brick – Remember I bought you a milkshake last night.
Romeo – Oh yeah, I do like milkshakes.
Marvin – There are some fine young men in this year’s draft. Did you know that Darren McFadden only has 4 children out of wedlock, and 2 priors at nightclubs, that young man has his head on straight.
Brick – I can see how he would be a good fit, but I think he is going to be a Falcon.
Marvin – That makes sense, there is an organization that values character individuals. They really have their act together. So it sounds like you have some idea as to whom the teams ahead of us are taking. Mind if I take a look at the list?
I passed over my mock draft and my list of players still available. Marvin took a quick look.
Marvin – I see you have heights, weights and 40 times listed here, but no information on the guys character. You really need some more information in order to make a good decision as to whom to draft. I see you still have Sedric Ellis and Keith Rivers available. Either one of those young men could shore up the middle of my defense.
Brick – So any preference?
Marvin – well you just can’t go wrong with a player from USC. That program produces some real quality individuals. We drafted Frostee Rucker from USC and he has produced just as expected. But I think we need more help at LB than at DL. I mean I had Dhani Jones on the squad last year. There was just no getting through to him, such a waste.
Brick – So I should put you down for Keith Rivers.
Marvin – Well, I do need to perform a thorough background check, but he seems like a winner to me. Thanks for the coffee, I need to get back over to the combine.
Brick – Shouldn’t you go change first, you do have puke on you.
Marvin – Oh, no. I’m sure those rascals went back to my room last night since they had my wallet. These are the only clothes I have left.
Brick – Well good luck to you.
Marvin – And may god be with the two of you, especially you Romeo, you do know that god hates fags, like Quinn.
Romeo – I hate him too.
Marvin then left the bar, limping noticeably.
Romeo – glad I don’t have to sit next to that stinky fool for the next 3 days.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
Thursday, March 6, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - Baltimore, Steak and Shake
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
My surveillance equipment disabled by the despicable Bill Bellichick, and my mind unable to stomach watching Romeo take another bite, I put down some money, collected my tapes and headed outside. I figured that I would have to get up early again the next morning to get my setup back in order, so it was grab a quick bite and hit the hotel room to start transcribing the days events.
I spotted a steak and shake across the way and figured it couldn’t be any worse that what I’d just been through. The place was pretty packed and I found myself in line in front of two large men. When a table for 4 opened up they asked if they could join me. Recognizing them I wasn’t about to say no. Thus began my dinner with the Ryan brothers, Rob and Rex.
Rex – Thanks for letting us join you.
Rob – Yeah, usually we are able to get a seat right away; we are regulars here.
Brick – You mean the two of you come all the way to Indy for the combine and are regulars at Steak and Shake?
Rob – yeah, we’ve been coming here since we worked for Buddy.
Brick – So what do you recommend?
Rex – you can’t go wrong at Steak and Shake. It’s all great. Last year I gained 12 pounds over the combine weekend, all thanks to Steak and Shake.
Brick – Oh, shit, I though Romeo was bad.
Rob – You ran into Mr. T. where is that sorry fucker.
Brick – across the street at the bar, he’s been there all day.
Rex – I’d spend all day at the bar too if I had Brady Quinn as the future of my team.
Rob – So have you been over there with him all day? I bet you two have run into just about every big shot in the league.
Brick – Yeah, quite a few anyway. Ran into Mr. Davis, looks like he is planning on taking Chris Long.
Rob – Well that’s a step in the right direction.
Rex – You’ll still suck. You ever think that you’ll have a better defence than me?
Rob – Fuck you Rex, if I hadn’t been hamstrung by the system Mr. Davis requires and washed up old men like Sapp, I’d have this D running on all cylinders by now.
Rex – oh, cry me a fucking river. I’ve had to overcome the 3 and out genius of Billick for the last 8 years and still have this ring. When are you going to get a ring where you aren’t riding Mangini’s coat-tails.
Brick – Mangini’s coat-tails? Don’t you mean Belichick?
Rob – How many rings has Bill won without Eric. Eric may be the smartest motherfucker in the league.
Rex – So you ran into Mr. Davis, did you run into Ozzy? Any clue what he is planning on?
Brick – Nope, didn’t see Ozzy today, he must have actually been playing attention at the combine. So what do you think the Ravens are going to do?
Guy at next table – Maybe you should be asking me that.
Rex – who are you.
Guy at next table – I’m John Harbaugh, your new head coach.
Rex – didn’t you play QB for the Colts?
Harbaugh – no that was my brother. I was QB coach for Phily.
Rex – never heard of you.
Rob – Well come on over and fill us in.
Harbaugh gets up and joins our table.
Rex – you do know that Ozzy runs the draft room, what he says goes.
Harbaugh – that may work for your defense, but I’m going to have to have some say on Offense, the talent there is lacking.
Brick - So you’re saying that you’ll be looking at offense with the 1st pick.
Before Harbaugh can answer Ray Lewis storms in the front door. Dances for two minutes then comes over to the table.
Lewis – Rex, I think we need a dominant tackle in this years draft to keep the blockers off me.
Harbaugh - I don’t think this team needs to take another DL this high Ray, we need some help on offense.
Lewis – who the fuck is this cracker?
Harbaugh - I’m John Harbaugh, your new head coach.
Lewis – didn’t you play QB for the Colts?
Harbaugh – no that was my brother. I was QB coach for Phily.
Lewis – never heard of you.
Harbaugh – Ray, I’m sure that we’ll work great together, but you must understand that I need to rebuild the offense so we can put some points on the board
Lewis – Well Jim…
Harbaugh – John
Lewis (now reaching into his jacket) – Jim, Jay, John it doesn’t fucking matter, you need to understand that nobody talks back to god’s linebacker
With that, Rex jumps up from the table and grabs Ray. I think I saw a blade, but Rex managed to get Ray calmed down and out of the Restaurant before anything else happened.
Rex – Jim
Harbaugh – John
Rex – you really have to watch what you say to Ray. He is a bit crazy.
Harbaugh – I’m sure that we’ll be able to work well together.
Rob – yeah, if you don’t get stabbed in the 1st team meeting.
Rex – yeah, welcome to Shaw Shank.
Harbaugh – I’m sure the inmates running the asylum aspect of Baltimore is overblown.
Rex – sure it is (lifts up shirt, revealing multiple scars from stab wounds).
Brick – so Jim
Harbaugh – John
Brick – yeah, so who are you targeting in the draft.
The front door flys open and Ed Reed dances for two minutes before coming over to our table.
Reed – Rex, I need more money.
Rex – You just got an extension
Reed – I am the best safety in football, and I need to up my home security, Ray found out where I live again.
Harbaugh – Edward, I think you need to recognize that this is a team game, and you will have to sacrifice some in order for the team to succeed.
Reed – Who the fuck are you?
Harbaugh - I’m John Harbaugh, your new head coach.
Reed – didn’t you play QB for the Colts?
Harbaugh – no that was my brother. I was QB coach for Phily.
Reed – never heard of you. But Jim…
Harbaugh – John
Reed – your name doesn’t matter, you had better recognize that I’m the best player on this team and Ray Ray can’t handle it. Unless you want me to end up like Sean Taylor you had better get me paid.
With that Ed Reed left the Steak and Shake.
Harbaugh – well this has been quite the eye opening experience. Well before we are interrupted again, I’ll let you know that I really like young Matt Ryan out of Boston College.
Rex – A QB (stands up and punches Harbaugh in the face) sorry about that, its sort of a family tradition. But a QB, how many QB’s is this team going to waste money and draft picks on.
Harbaugh (holding jaw) Well I need something to work with, otherwise your D is going to have to do it all again… I think I lost a tooth. It was nice meeting you gentalmen.
Rob gets up, punches Harbaugh in the face
Rob – nice meeting you Jim.
Harbaugh – John… nice meeting you too.
Harbaugh leaves the Steak and Shake.
Brick – So Rex, how do you feel about Ryan.
Rex – doesn’t matter to me, as long as we are healthy on D we should compete again. I can’t do anything about the offense.
Rob – He’s better than anything you have now.
Rex – Yeah, I guess so.
Romeo barges in the door.
Romeo – where is the sucka who was suppose to buy me lunch, I’m gonna kill that fool…Mmmmmmmm Milkshakes.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
My surveillance equipment disabled by the despicable Bill Bellichick, and my mind unable to stomach watching Romeo take another bite, I put down some money, collected my tapes and headed outside. I figured that I would have to get up early again the next morning to get my setup back in order, so it was grab a quick bite and hit the hotel room to start transcribing the days events.
I spotted a steak and shake across the way and figured it couldn’t be any worse that what I’d just been through. The place was pretty packed and I found myself in line in front of two large men. When a table for 4 opened up they asked if they could join me. Recognizing them I wasn’t about to say no. Thus began my dinner with the Ryan brothers, Rob and Rex.
Rex – Thanks for letting us join you.
Rob – Yeah, usually we are able to get a seat right away; we are regulars here.
Brick – You mean the two of you come all the way to Indy for the combine and are regulars at Steak and Shake?
Rob – yeah, we’ve been coming here since we worked for Buddy.
Brick – So what do you recommend?
Rex – you can’t go wrong at Steak and Shake. It’s all great. Last year I gained 12 pounds over the combine weekend, all thanks to Steak and Shake.
Brick – Oh, shit, I though Romeo was bad.
Rob – You ran into Mr. T. where is that sorry fucker.
Brick – across the street at the bar, he’s been there all day.
Rex – I’d spend all day at the bar too if I had Brady Quinn as the future of my team.
Rob – So have you been over there with him all day? I bet you two have run into just about every big shot in the league.
Brick – Yeah, quite a few anyway. Ran into Mr. Davis, looks like he is planning on taking Chris Long.
Rob – Well that’s a step in the right direction.
Rex – You’ll still suck. You ever think that you’ll have a better defence than me?
Rob – Fuck you Rex, if I hadn’t been hamstrung by the system Mr. Davis requires and washed up old men like Sapp, I’d have this D running on all cylinders by now.
Rex – oh, cry me a fucking river. I’ve had to overcome the 3 and out genius of Billick for the last 8 years and still have this ring. When are you going to get a ring where you aren’t riding Mangini’s coat-tails.
Brick – Mangini’s coat-tails? Don’t you mean Belichick?
Rob – How many rings has Bill won without Eric. Eric may be the smartest motherfucker in the league.
Rex – So you ran into Mr. Davis, did you run into Ozzy? Any clue what he is planning on?
Brick – Nope, didn’t see Ozzy today, he must have actually been playing attention at the combine. So what do you think the Ravens are going to do?
Guy at next table – Maybe you should be asking me that.
Rex – who are you.
Guy at next table – I’m John Harbaugh, your new head coach.
Rex – didn’t you play QB for the Colts?
Harbaugh – no that was my brother. I was QB coach for Phily.
Rex – never heard of you.
Rob – Well come on over and fill us in.
Harbaugh gets up and joins our table.
Rex – you do know that Ozzy runs the draft room, what he says goes.
Harbaugh – that may work for your defense, but I’m going to have to have some say on Offense, the talent there is lacking.
Brick - So you’re saying that you’ll be looking at offense with the 1st pick.
Before Harbaugh can answer Ray Lewis storms in the front door. Dances for two minutes then comes over to the table.
Lewis – Rex, I think we need a dominant tackle in this years draft to keep the blockers off me.
Harbaugh - I don’t think this team needs to take another DL this high Ray, we need some help on offense.
Lewis – who the fuck is this cracker?
Harbaugh - I’m John Harbaugh, your new head coach.
Lewis – didn’t you play QB for the Colts?
Harbaugh – no that was my brother. I was QB coach for Phily.
Lewis – never heard of you.
Harbaugh – Ray, I’m sure that we’ll work great together, but you must understand that I need to rebuild the offense so we can put some points on the board
Lewis – Well Jim…
Harbaugh – John
Lewis (now reaching into his jacket) – Jim, Jay, John it doesn’t fucking matter, you need to understand that nobody talks back to god’s linebacker
With that, Rex jumps up from the table and grabs Ray. I think I saw a blade, but Rex managed to get Ray calmed down and out of the Restaurant before anything else happened.
Rex – Jim
Harbaugh – John
Rex – you really have to watch what you say to Ray. He is a bit crazy.
Harbaugh – I’m sure that we’ll be able to work well together.
Rob – yeah, if you don’t get stabbed in the 1st team meeting.
Rex – yeah, welcome to Shaw Shank.
Harbaugh – I’m sure the inmates running the asylum aspect of Baltimore is overblown.
Rex – sure it is (lifts up shirt, revealing multiple scars from stab wounds).
Brick – so Jim
Harbaugh – John
Brick – yeah, so who are you targeting in the draft.
The front door flys open and Ed Reed dances for two minutes before coming over to our table.
Reed – Rex, I need more money.
Rex – You just got an extension
Reed – I am the best safety in football, and I need to up my home security, Ray found out where I live again.
Harbaugh – Edward, I think you need to recognize that this is a team game, and you will have to sacrifice some in order for the team to succeed.
Reed – Who the fuck are you?
Harbaugh - I’m John Harbaugh, your new head coach.
Reed – didn’t you play QB for the Colts?
Harbaugh – no that was my brother. I was QB coach for Phily.
Reed – never heard of you. But Jim…
Harbaugh – John
Reed – your name doesn’t matter, you had better recognize that I’m the best player on this team and Ray Ray can’t handle it. Unless you want me to end up like Sean Taylor you had better get me paid.
With that Ed Reed left the Steak and Shake.
Harbaugh – well this has been quite the eye opening experience. Well before we are interrupted again, I’ll let you know that I really like young Matt Ryan out of Boston College.
Rex – A QB (stands up and punches Harbaugh in the face) sorry about that, its sort of a family tradition. But a QB, how many QB’s is this team going to waste money and draft picks on.
Harbaugh (holding jaw) Well I need something to work with, otherwise your D is going to have to do it all again… I think I lost a tooth. It was nice meeting you gentalmen.
Rob gets up, punches Harbaugh in the face
Rob – nice meeting you Jim.
Harbaugh – John… nice meeting you too.
Harbaugh leaves the Steak and Shake.
Brick – So Rex, how do you feel about Ryan.
Rex – doesn’t matter to me, as long as we are healthy on D we should compete again. I can’t do anything about the offense.
Rob – He’s better than anything you have now.
Rex – Yeah, I guess so.
Romeo barges in the door.
Romeo – where is the sucka who was suppose to buy me lunch, I’m gonna kill that fool…Mmmmmmmm Milkshakes.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - New England, Sucking Tom's Nuts
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
Completely disgusted from watching Romeo destroy a cheesecake, and feeling a good buzz, I went to the men’s room. Ever take a 3 minute piss? God that feels good when it feels like your eyeballs are swimming. The room seemed to get brighter with each pint of piss I expelled. Feeling much better, I decided to head back and try to get some food before I left. That is, if Romeo didn’t decide to clean my plate for me.
As I exited the Men’s room, I realized that two people had joined Romeo at our table. I hadn’t taken two steps before I recognized Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. I quickly made my way back to the table, not wanting to miss out on anything.
Belichick – Remember how Parcells made you talk like Mr.T all the time. That was hilarious.
Romeo – Maybe for you, but I found it to be demeaning.
Belichick – as demeaning as your coaching record since you left? I warned you not to take the Cleveland job. I mean, Brady Quinn, common, that’s the funniest thing I saw all of last year. Now who is your friend here?
Romeo – Some guy who had an open spot at the table and invited me to join him. Anyone who is good enough to buy me lunch is cool with me.
Brick – buy you lunch, who ever said anything…
Belichick – So young man, I assume that this recording equipment is your doing.
Brick – Recording equipment, what recording equipment?
Belichick – The boom mike between the moosehead and the Budweiser sign, the mike taped to the bottom of the table, Did you really think that you would be able to record a conversation where I was involved without me knowing. I invented the tape recorder. Tom, frisk him to make sure that he isn’t wired.
Tom starts to get up, but something bumps the table from underneath.
Brady – sorry about that Bill, I’ve gotten so used to having my nuts sucked that I sometimes forget that its happening.
With that Bill Simmons come out from under the table holding his head.
Simmons – That’s Ok Tom, it must be hard being you. With so many people trying to use you. You don’t have to worry about that with me, My love is pure.
Tom – yeah great, Bill.
Simmons – Tom could you please, pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssseeeeeee call me Giselle, it would mean so much to me, and really bring us closer.
Tom – dude, I already told you no.
Simmons – Ok, just promise you’ll think about it. Here let me rub your shoulders, it will relax you.
Belichick – Romeo, think about what I said, I think you’ll find the arrangement agreeable, young man, you will have to plug your recording equipment back in. I disabled everything that was out here, but I’m not taking any chances that we will be recorded by something on your person. Lets go Tom.
Simmons – recorded, are we being recorded. That’s awesome, what show is this for, I’d love to be a part of it. Who wants to interview me.
Brady – See you later Bill.
Simmons – Don’t worry Tom, I’ll catch up as soon as I finish this interview, I have to keep my fans happy. Now where is the mike I need to talk into, didn’t Bill say something about under the table (starts to go back under the table)
Brick – No, no, its hidden right here (grabs a dinner roll off of Romeo’s plate…when did he order dinner?)
Romeo – hey, hands off my roll
Brick – shut-up, you’ve had enough carbs today
Romeo (shoveling more food in his mouth) good thing I got extra rolls,
Simmons – Ok lets start the interview, (talking into dinner roll) I’m Bill Simmons, writer, radio and on air personality for ESPN, live from Indianapolis.
Brick – All right, I’ll humor you, since Belichick and Brady left. So how are you handling the loss to the Giants.
Simmons – I’m from NE, so I know how it feels to loose, up until the Pats win over the heavily favored St. Louis Rams, I hadn’t experienced the thrill of a championship since the Boston Celtics in ‘86. I was just talking to my friend J-bug the other day and he was telling me…
Brick – Ok, I think everyone has read one of your articles at some time. No need to rehash what you’ve written 800 times here. Lets try to make this quick, have Belichick or Brady given you any insight as to whom they are planning to select at #7?
Simmons – the Patriots are the model NFL franchise. And Belichick is the greatest coaching mind in the NFL. Between him and Scott Pioli they have turned the Pats into the Evil Empire of the NFL. And now they are like the Celtics when they selected Len Bias, (crys uncontrollably for 3 minutes), sorry, They remind me of season 3 of Melrose place where…
Brick – Look, maybe if you run into Brady Quinn you guys can talk about Melrose place. Who are the Pats going to draft?
Simmons – you don’t want to here about Melrose place?
Brick – no
Simmons – how about Karate Kid
Brick – no
Simmons – I know, real world, everybody loves real world
Brick – no, I don’t want to here about shitty TV shows and bad ‘80’s movies.
Simmons – I know, I know VEGAS BABY, this one time Sully, J-Bug and I were playing blackjack when they sent in the closer and…
Brick – I don’t give a flying fuck about your friends with their stereotypical Boston nicknames. Lets try this a different way. I’m going to give you the name of a draft prospect and you can give me the Boston perspective on him.
Simmons – sounds good, nobody is a better representative of Boston than me. I’ve been through all the hard times, and have experienced some of the greatest seasons ever these last few years, it reminds me of when Larry Bird…
Brick – Matt Ryan
Simmons – Good Boston Kid, nice hair, but nowhere near as dreamy as my Tom.
Brick – Sedrick Ellis
Simmons – Sedrick comes from the Patriots of college football, USC, which is ironic since Pete Carroll failed as the Patriots coach. He is going to be one hell of an NFL player, but he is black.
Brick – What?
Simmons – he is black, look at him.
Brick – OK, Mike Jenkins, the Pats do need DB help
Simmons – black
Brick – So I guess that rules out Kenny Philips
Simmons nods
Brick – and Derrick Harvey
Simmons – NEEEEEEEEEEGROOOOOOOOOOO
Romeo – look here fool, I’ll
Brick – eat Romeo, if you are good we’ll get you some more cheesecake.
Romeo – Mmmmmmm Cheesecake
Brick – Ok, so pretty much you’ve eliminated the top guys that I have on my board through your brilliant analysis Bill. And since I have both Jake and Chris Long gone before the Pats select.
Simmons – No fair, I like Chris Long, this is like the episode of 90210 where Dylan…
Brick – don’t you think these references have jumped the shark? Wait don’t answer, how about Dan Conner.
Simmons – Now that’s a pick that a New Englander can get behind. Good linebacker, out of Penn St., Joe Pa., can we call him Dan O’Connah, play up the Irish?
Brick – you can call him anything you want.
Simmons – that’s great, now I can get a lucky Dan O’Connah jersey to go with my Wes Welkah jersey. That’s would be wicked pissah.
Brick – oh, Bill before I forget, Tom wanted me to give this to you. (hands Bill note)
Simmons (reading to himself )– Meet me in room 181 at 1801 EST so we can share an intimate experience Bill, or should I say Giselle. XOXOX Tom. (To the whole bar) He’s going to call me Giselle, but what does 1801 mean.
Brick – did you say 18 and 1.
Simmons – no I said 1801
Brick – I think that means that you are a failure.
Simmons – you..you tricked me (throws dinner roll across the room)… I HATE YOU…THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER
Brick – 18 and 1
Simmons – running towards door, TOM WAIT FOR ME
Romeo gets up, retrieves dinner roll and returns to the table.
Romeo – He should really spend some time with Quinn, those two are a lot alike.
Brick – yeah, but what a waste of air.
Romeo – So you going to put down Dan Conner for your draft?
Brick – Well it does make sense. I think New England will trade down, but Conner does fill a need. Who cares its just a mock draft anyway.
Romeo – Yeah, and that sucka is white.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
Completely disgusted from watching Romeo destroy a cheesecake, and feeling a good buzz, I went to the men’s room. Ever take a 3 minute piss? God that feels good when it feels like your eyeballs are swimming. The room seemed to get brighter with each pint of piss I expelled. Feeling much better, I decided to head back and try to get some food before I left. That is, if Romeo didn’t decide to clean my plate for me.
As I exited the Men’s room, I realized that two people had joined Romeo at our table. I hadn’t taken two steps before I recognized Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. I quickly made my way back to the table, not wanting to miss out on anything.
Belichick – Remember how Parcells made you talk like Mr.T all the time. That was hilarious.
Romeo – Maybe for you, but I found it to be demeaning.
Belichick – as demeaning as your coaching record since you left? I warned you not to take the Cleveland job. I mean, Brady Quinn, common, that’s the funniest thing I saw all of last year. Now who is your friend here?
Romeo – Some guy who had an open spot at the table and invited me to join him. Anyone who is good enough to buy me lunch is cool with me.
Brick – buy you lunch, who ever said anything…
Belichick – So young man, I assume that this recording equipment is your doing.
Brick – Recording equipment, what recording equipment?
Belichick – The boom mike between the moosehead and the Budweiser sign, the mike taped to the bottom of the table, Did you really think that you would be able to record a conversation where I was involved without me knowing. I invented the tape recorder. Tom, frisk him to make sure that he isn’t wired.
Tom starts to get up, but something bumps the table from underneath.
Brady – sorry about that Bill, I’ve gotten so used to having my nuts sucked that I sometimes forget that its happening.
With that Bill Simmons come out from under the table holding his head.
Simmons – That’s Ok Tom, it must be hard being you. With so many people trying to use you. You don’t have to worry about that with me, My love is pure.
Tom – yeah great, Bill.
Simmons – Tom could you please, pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssseeeeeee call me Giselle, it would mean so much to me, and really bring us closer.
Tom – dude, I already told you no.
Simmons – Ok, just promise you’ll think about it. Here let me rub your shoulders, it will relax you.
Belichick – Romeo, think about what I said, I think you’ll find the arrangement agreeable, young man, you will have to plug your recording equipment back in. I disabled everything that was out here, but I’m not taking any chances that we will be recorded by something on your person. Lets go Tom.
Simmons – recorded, are we being recorded. That’s awesome, what show is this for, I’d love to be a part of it. Who wants to interview me.
Brady – See you later Bill.
Simmons – Don’t worry Tom, I’ll catch up as soon as I finish this interview, I have to keep my fans happy. Now where is the mike I need to talk into, didn’t Bill say something about under the table (starts to go back under the table)
Brick – No, no, its hidden right here (grabs a dinner roll off of Romeo’s plate…when did he order dinner?)
Romeo – hey, hands off my roll
Brick – shut-up, you’ve had enough carbs today
Romeo (shoveling more food in his mouth) good thing I got extra rolls,
Simmons – Ok lets start the interview, (talking into dinner roll) I’m Bill Simmons, writer, radio and on air personality for ESPN, live from Indianapolis.
Brick – All right, I’ll humor you, since Belichick and Brady left. So how are you handling the loss to the Giants.
Simmons – I’m from NE, so I know how it feels to loose, up until the Pats win over the heavily favored St. Louis Rams, I hadn’t experienced the thrill of a championship since the Boston Celtics in ‘86. I was just talking to my friend J-bug the other day and he was telling me…
Brick – Ok, I think everyone has read one of your articles at some time. No need to rehash what you’ve written 800 times here. Lets try to make this quick, have Belichick or Brady given you any insight as to whom they are planning to select at #7?
Simmons – the Patriots are the model NFL franchise. And Belichick is the greatest coaching mind in the NFL. Between him and Scott Pioli they have turned the Pats into the Evil Empire of the NFL. And now they are like the Celtics when they selected Len Bias, (crys uncontrollably for 3 minutes), sorry, They remind me of season 3 of Melrose place where…
Brick – Look, maybe if you run into Brady Quinn you guys can talk about Melrose place. Who are the Pats going to draft?
Simmons – you don’t want to here about Melrose place?
Brick – no
Simmons – how about Karate Kid
Brick – no
Simmons – I know, real world, everybody loves real world
Brick – no, I don’t want to here about shitty TV shows and bad ‘80’s movies.
Simmons – I know, I know VEGAS BABY, this one time Sully, J-Bug and I were playing blackjack when they sent in the closer and…
Brick – I don’t give a flying fuck about your friends with their stereotypical Boston nicknames. Lets try this a different way. I’m going to give you the name of a draft prospect and you can give me the Boston perspective on him.
Simmons – sounds good, nobody is a better representative of Boston than me. I’ve been through all the hard times, and have experienced some of the greatest seasons ever these last few years, it reminds me of when Larry Bird…
Brick – Matt Ryan
Simmons – Good Boston Kid, nice hair, but nowhere near as dreamy as my Tom.
Brick – Sedrick Ellis
Simmons – Sedrick comes from the Patriots of college football, USC, which is ironic since Pete Carroll failed as the Patriots coach. He is going to be one hell of an NFL player, but he is black.
Brick – What?
Simmons – he is black, look at him.
Brick – OK, Mike Jenkins, the Pats do need DB help
Simmons – black
Brick – So I guess that rules out Kenny Philips
Simmons nods
Brick – and Derrick Harvey
Simmons – NEEEEEEEEEEGROOOOOOOOOOO
Romeo – look here fool, I’ll
Brick – eat Romeo, if you are good we’ll get you some more cheesecake.
Romeo – Mmmmmmm Cheesecake
Brick – Ok, so pretty much you’ve eliminated the top guys that I have on my board through your brilliant analysis Bill. And since I have both Jake and Chris Long gone before the Pats select.
Simmons – No fair, I like Chris Long, this is like the episode of 90210 where Dylan…
Brick – don’t you think these references have jumped the shark? Wait don’t answer, how about Dan Conner.
Simmons – Now that’s a pick that a New Englander can get behind. Good linebacker, out of Penn St., Joe Pa., can we call him Dan O’Connah, play up the Irish?
Brick – you can call him anything you want.
Simmons – that’s great, now I can get a lucky Dan O’Connah jersey to go with my Wes Welkah jersey. That’s would be wicked pissah.
Brick – oh, Bill before I forget, Tom wanted me to give this to you. (hands Bill note)
Simmons (reading to himself )– Meet me in room 181 at 1801 EST so we can share an intimate experience Bill, or should I say Giselle. XOXOX Tom. (To the whole bar) He’s going to call me Giselle, but what does 1801 mean.
Brick – did you say 18 and 1.
Simmons – no I said 1801
Brick – I think that means that you are a failure.
Simmons – you..you tricked me (throws dinner roll across the room)… I HATE YOU…THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER
Brick – 18 and 1
Simmons – running towards door, TOM WAIT FOR ME
Romeo gets up, retrieves dinner roll and returns to the table.
Romeo – He should really spend some time with Quinn, those two are a lot alike.
Brick – yeah, but what a waste of air.
Romeo – So you going to put down Dan Conner for your draft?
Brick – Well it does make sense. I think New England will trade down, but Conner does fill a need. Who cares its just a mock draft anyway.
Romeo – Yeah, and that sucka is white.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - NY Jets - Mangini Mangina
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
Watching Romeo eat his 3rd footlong sub while inhaling buffalo wings got me to thinking, what the fuck am I doing here. I mean really, I don’t get paid for this, Indy sucks, and now I’m not sure I’ll ever eat a wing again without gagging.
Brick – Bartender, I need another Jack.
Romeo – slow down hoss, chances are a few more guys will show up today, and you don’t want to puke on someone’s shoes.
Brick – Yeah, whatever. So it sounds like you got some good news and Derrick Anderson is close to resigning.
Romeo – HORSE BALLS, that kid has lucked into the greatest situation in his life. His only competition is out dancing with Brett Michaels while wearing hot pants. Fuckin tooty frooty bitch.
Brick – well you are building a nice offense around those guys.
Romeo – oh sure, we got Braylon “TO wannabe” Edwards playing only when he wants. Mr. Soldier at TE has worse knees than him old man right now. I ain’t ever seen a grown man cry as much as him. You tell him he cut off his rout too early in the film room and he balls like a bitch for 15 minutes. “I’m a soldier, I’m a soldier, I have bad knees…WHAAAAA. But yeah, other than that we have a good Oline and a back ready to break down any minute. Sounds good compared to out Defense.
Chubby White Guy – Romeo, why am I not stunned to see you here padding your innards with copious amounts of rations. So who is the sad sap relegated to listening to you bitch.
Romeo – Hello Eric…so nice to see you.
Mangini – Romeo, you tactless heathen, you have failed to invite me to sit or to introduce the man sitting with you. Sir, allow myself to introduce myself. I am Eric Mangini, but you may call me Mangenius or just Genius if you like. You see I am the head coach for the NY Jets. A position I obtained by being the true mastermind behind the Patriots Dynasty. Ask yourself this, How many Super Bowls have they procured since I vacated… so as you don’t labor yourself, I will retort for you. None. This obese clown sitting next to you rode my coattails to a cushy head coaching job in Cleveland. I will give him some credit, as he did know that he had not the coaching acumen to accept a job in the principal market in the US, unlike me. For I am a man with football erudition on par with the all time greats.
Romeo – What was your record last year?
Mangini – you simple minded fool, you could never grasp the brilliance of the moves I made last year. I have positioned the NY Jets to become the Franchise of the ages. Behind my indisputable, incomparable intellect we will soon go down in the annals as the Greatest team of all time.
Romeo – Other than pissing off Belichick, I can’t think of one thing you did that stood out all year.
Mangini – Oh Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou’s brain. (Turning to me) See what I did there, quoting the bard, our latter-day Romeo here could never appreciate something as highbrow as Shakespear. (Back to Crenell) Of course you can’t think of anything, you exhibit the mental characteristics of one who is missing a chromosome. My moves were so profound as scholars will universally praise their genius for years, but my curse is that the common man, or ape as in your case, will never truly comprehend.
Romeo – Who you callin Ape you little cracker.
Mangini – Please Romeo, calm yourself. Waiter, please bring this man a slice of cheesecake.
Romeo – I do like cheesecake.
Mangini – Of course you do my portly friend. We both know full well that during our time together in New England, I need only put some sustenance in front of you for the 4 quarters of the game, and I was free to work my magic. Truly Romeo, you were the easiest supervisor to usurp that I have ever encountered.
Brick – Mr. Mangini, who has caught your eye here in Indy.
Mangini – Oh, so the other man at the table does have a voice. Good sir, please address me as I have requested. You are in the presence of greatness; a privilege extended to a select few. Do not squander such a blessing.
Brick – Fine, Mr. Mangenius, any players catch your eye here at the combine?
Mangini – Mangenius, ah yes, my aptly endowed nickname, I do love the sound of it. As for the players here at the combine, I have encountered a couple that intrigue me. Of course I normally would not share this information when seated next to a fellow coach, but as the Simpleton next to me allowed himself to succumb to the Siren call of his fellow beluga coaches former prodigy, he has no selection in the opening round, and could not use the information I have, even if he could comprehend it.
Romeo – What the fuck did he just say?
Brick – that you don’t have a 1st round pick since you took Wies’s boy Quinn.
Romeo – Oh, I hate that queer.
Mangini – See Romeo, its not hard to understand if you pay attention, but I would wager you were distracted by that cheesecake being produced from the kitchen.
Romeo (now drooling) That cheesecake does look good.
The waiter arrives at the table and puts the cheesecake down in front of Romeo, who begins to shovel it into his mouth.
Mangini – Waiter, please bring my friend here a second piece, the 1st is not long for this sphere, and surely will not be enough to satisfy his gluttonous desires. In fact bring two more in order to sate this brute.
Brick – about the draft…
Mangini – patience good sir, the type of information I am about to bestow upon you cannot be rushed. You see I have evaluated the talent here, and, thanks to my superior intellect, have ascertained an insight that all others lack. An insight, which I shall bestow unto you. An insight, which holds the key to unlocking the Jets supremacy.
Brick – Ok, so who are you targeting?
Mangini – Mr. Mangenius, so whom are you targeting? Please, good sir, I was beginning to believe that you were capable of holding a brief conversation with one of my stature, please try to refrain from not properly addressing me or using improper grammar in my presence. You would be well served to mind your P’s & Q’s with me.
Brick – So, Mr. Mangenius, whom are you targeting?
Mangini – You are an impatient one aren’t you. I had such high hopes for your intellect after you translated my musings into oaf for our brauntosaurian tablemate, but I see that you lack the fortitude to persevere and obtain enlightenment. Before I depart I shall share with you what I have ascertained through rigorous inquiry. The sole competitor whom can beget the ascension of the Jets to greatness is a young man from the deep south, from an institution represented by swine. That is right, he will go from swine to airline…(takes out notebook writes down swine to airline, closes notebook)… my apologies, I found that phrase tickled me.
Brick – yeah, great, so you like Darren McFadden.
Mangini – Well done good sir, there may be hope for you yet.
Brick – So as the Genius, you feel that a running back that can’t pass block, fumbles all the time, and hasn’t shown any ability to follow a block is the savior for your franchise. I can accept that, but I hate to break it to you, but Mr. Blank has fallen in love with McFadden.
Mangini – Blank…that…that…that ebony enthralled idiot. No matter, my incomparable intellect has prepared me for just such an inconvenience. I will select one with hall of Fame bloodlines, one who can provide a stout base for my defense, a man whose name is lengthy while using few letters…
Brick – Chris Long, sorry but Mr. Davis likes family, Mangini foiled again.
Mangini – What have I told you about addressing me with the proper reverence. So the Nesfaratu of the NFL has his mind set on nepotism. So I am forced to delay my ascension to the pantheon of greatness for a season, but my blueprint leaves me an out. Fortifying my front with a combination of the southern charm of my initial selection and the stoutness of my second, I will select the Bayou Bengal to Bolster my…
Brick – Dorsey right? He won Parcells’ Nathens challenge, sorry but he won’t be there when you select either.
Mangini – Curse you meaningless week 17 win. Its just not fair that one such as I should be forced to settle for scraps when I should be eating filet. I will make the most of an unpalatable situation. The player I will select, lacks intelligence, else he would have gone to a more prestigious institution, but he does seem to have an acceptable athletic acumen. Parcells will rue the day he passed on one so like the key to his prestigious past. I will make a backer out of a buckeye.
Brick – Ok, you can have Vernon Gholston, Mr. Mangina. Now I’ve had too much to drink, and you are giving me a headache. Its only going to take me one more Jack and Coke to get to the point where I punch you in you pompous puss, so please excuse yourself post haste.
Mangini – Heathen, I am sorely disappointed that I misappropriated my precious time pontificated prospective professional performers with one as poorly prepared to converse properly. I bid you a due.
With that Eric Mangini got up and stomped out of the bar in a huff. He reminded me of a toddler who was denied Ice cream. Thankfully Romeo decided to chime in between bites of his 3rd piece of cheesecake.
Romeo – I may not speak pretty, but still…I pity that fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
Watching Romeo eat his 3rd footlong sub while inhaling buffalo wings got me to thinking, what the fuck am I doing here. I mean really, I don’t get paid for this, Indy sucks, and now I’m not sure I’ll ever eat a wing again without gagging.
Brick – Bartender, I need another Jack.
Romeo – slow down hoss, chances are a few more guys will show up today, and you don’t want to puke on someone’s shoes.
Brick – Yeah, whatever. So it sounds like you got some good news and Derrick Anderson is close to resigning.
Romeo – HORSE BALLS, that kid has lucked into the greatest situation in his life. His only competition is out dancing with Brett Michaels while wearing hot pants. Fuckin tooty frooty bitch.
Brick – well you are building a nice offense around those guys.
Romeo – oh sure, we got Braylon “TO wannabe” Edwards playing only when he wants. Mr. Soldier at TE has worse knees than him old man right now. I ain’t ever seen a grown man cry as much as him. You tell him he cut off his rout too early in the film room and he balls like a bitch for 15 minutes. “I’m a soldier, I’m a soldier, I have bad knees…WHAAAAA. But yeah, other than that we have a good Oline and a back ready to break down any minute. Sounds good compared to out Defense.
Chubby White Guy – Romeo, why am I not stunned to see you here padding your innards with copious amounts of rations. So who is the sad sap relegated to listening to you bitch.
Romeo – Hello Eric…so nice to see you.
Mangini – Romeo, you tactless heathen, you have failed to invite me to sit or to introduce the man sitting with you. Sir, allow myself to introduce myself. I am Eric Mangini, but you may call me Mangenius or just Genius if you like. You see I am the head coach for the NY Jets. A position I obtained by being the true mastermind behind the Patriots Dynasty. Ask yourself this, How many Super Bowls have they procured since I vacated… so as you don’t labor yourself, I will retort for you. None. This obese clown sitting next to you rode my coattails to a cushy head coaching job in Cleveland. I will give him some credit, as he did know that he had not the coaching acumen to accept a job in the principal market in the US, unlike me. For I am a man with football erudition on par with the all time greats.
Romeo – What was your record last year?
Mangini – you simple minded fool, you could never grasp the brilliance of the moves I made last year. I have positioned the NY Jets to become the Franchise of the ages. Behind my indisputable, incomparable intellect we will soon go down in the annals as the Greatest team of all time.
Romeo – Other than pissing off Belichick, I can’t think of one thing you did that stood out all year.
Mangini – Oh Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou’s brain. (Turning to me) See what I did there, quoting the bard, our latter-day Romeo here could never appreciate something as highbrow as Shakespear. (Back to Crenell) Of course you can’t think of anything, you exhibit the mental characteristics of one who is missing a chromosome. My moves were so profound as scholars will universally praise their genius for years, but my curse is that the common man, or ape as in your case, will never truly comprehend.
Romeo – Who you callin Ape you little cracker.
Mangini – Please Romeo, calm yourself. Waiter, please bring this man a slice of cheesecake.
Romeo – I do like cheesecake.
Mangini – Of course you do my portly friend. We both know full well that during our time together in New England, I need only put some sustenance in front of you for the 4 quarters of the game, and I was free to work my magic. Truly Romeo, you were the easiest supervisor to usurp that I have ever encountered.
Brick – Mr. Mangini, who has caught your eye here in Indy.
Mangini – Oh, so the other man at the table does have a voice. Good sir, please address me as I have requested. You are in the presence of greatness; a privilege extended to a select few. Do not squander such a blessing.
Brick – Fine, Mr. Mangenius, any players catch your eye here at the combine?
Mangini – Mangenius, ah yes, my aptly endowed nickname, I do love the sound of it. As for the players here at the combine, I have encountered a couple that intrigue me. Of course I normally would not share this information when seated next to a fellow coach, but as the Simpleton next to me allowed himself to succumb to the Siren call of his fellow beluga coaches former prodigy, he has no selection in the opening round, and could not use the information I have, even if he could comprehend it.
Romeo – What the fuck did he just say?
Brick – that you don’t have a 1st round pick since you took Wies’s boy Quinn.
Romeo – Oh, I hate that queer.
Mangini – See Romeo, its not hard to understand if you pay attention, but I would wager you were distracted by that cheesecake being produced from the kitchen.
Romeo (now drooling) That cheesecake does look good.
The waiter arrives at the table and puts the cheesecake down in front of Romeo, who begins to shovel it into his mouth.
Mangini – Waiter, please bring my friend here a second piece, the 1st is not long for this sphere, and surely will not be enough to satisfy his gluttonous desires. In fact bring two more in order to sate this brute.
Brick – about the draft…
Mangini – patience good sir, the type of information I am about to bestow upon you cannot be rushed. You see I have evaluated the talent here, and, thanks to my superior intellect, have ascertained an insight that all others lack. An insight, which I shall bestow unto you. An insight, which holds the key to unlocking the Jets supremacy.
Brick – Ok, so who are you targeting?
Mangini – Mr. Mangenius, so whom are you targeting? Please, good sir, I was beginning to believe that you were capable of holding a brief conversation with one of my stature, please try to refrain from not properly addressing me or using improper grammar in my presence. You would be well served to mind your P’s & Q’s with me.
Brick – So, Mr. Mangenius, whom are you targeting?
Mangini – You are an impatient one aren’t you. I had such high hopes for your intellect after you translated my musings into oaf for our brauntosaurian tablemate, but I see that you lack the fortitude to persevere and obtain enlightenment. Before I depart I shall share with you what I have ascertained through rigorous inquiry. The sole competitor whom can beget the ascension of the Jets to greatness is a young man from the deep south, from an institution represented by swine. That is right, he will go from swine to airline…(takes out notebook writes down swine to airline, closes notebook)… my apologies, I found that phrase tickled me.
Brick – yeah, great, so you like Darren McFadden.
Mangini – Well done good sir, there may be hope for you yet.
Brick – So as the Genius, you feel that a running back that can’t pass block, fumbles all the time, and hasn’t shown any ability to follow a block is the savior for your franchise. I can accept that, but I hate to break it to you, but Mr. Blank has fallen in love with McFadden.
Mangini – Blank…that…that…that ebony enthralled idiot. No matter, my incomparable intellect has prepared me for just such an inconvenience. I will select one with hall of Fame bloodlines, one who can provide a stout base for my defense, a man whose name is lengthy while using few letters…
Brick – Chris Long, sorry but Mr. Davis likes family, Mangini foiled again.
Mangini – What have I told you about addressing me with the proper reverence. So the Nesfaratu of the NFL has his mind set on nepotism. So I am forced to delay my ascension to the pantheon of greatness for a season, but my blueprint leaves me an out. Fortifying my front with a combination of the southern charm of my initial selection and the stoutness of my second, I will select the Bayou Bengal to Bolster my…
Brick – Dorsey right? He won Parcells’ Nathens challenge, sorry but he won’t be there when you select either.
Mangini – Curse you meaningless week 17 win. Its just not fair that one such as I should be forced to settle for scraps when I should be eating filet. I will make the most of an unpalatable situation. The player I will select, lacks intelligence, else he would have gone to a more prestigious institution, but he does seem to have an acceptable athletic acumen. Parcells will rue the day he passed on one so like the key to his prestigious past. I will make a backer out of a buckeye.
Brick – Ok, you can have Vernon Gholston, Mr. Mangina. Now I’ve had too much to drink, and you are giving me a headache. Its only going to take me one more Jack and Coke to get to the point where I punch you in you pompous puss, so please excuse yourself post haste.
Mangini – Heathen, I am sorely disappointed that I misappropriated my precious time pontificated prospective professional performers with one as poorly prepared to converse properly. I bid you a due.
With that Eric Mangini got up and stomped out of the bar in a huff. He reminded me of a toddler who was denied Ice cream. Thankfully Romeo decided to chime in between bites of his 3rd piece of cheesecake.
Romeo – I may not speak pretty, but still…I pity that fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
2008 - Briickinthebox Mock-Draft - KC - The Herm and Larry Show
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
Its fast approaching 4 pm here at an unnamed bar across the street from the RCA Dome. Romeo Crennel has reassumed his usual place next to me at the table. And has placed his two subway bags on the table.
Romeo – hey man, I grabbed a sub for you. (Puts 1 subway footlong in front of me takes out 2 others and starts to open the 1st).
Brick – So what did you get me?
Romeo – Ham, double meat, extra mayo, no veg. Same as what I got.
Brick – Umm, no thanks, I have some wings coming.
As if on queue, the server arrives with my wings.
Server – Sir (addressing Crennel) we don’t allow patrons to bring in food from outside.
Romeo – Look, I’m on the Subway diet, if it can work for that pansy Jarret, it can work for me. Besides, I’ve been here all day can’t you cut me some slack. Now how about another diet coke.
Sever (shaking his head as he walks away) some diet, 3 footlongs, 4 fried chickens and almost a gallon of blue cheese.
Romeo – what did he say, that fool ain’t getting no tip.
Door flys open
Bar – HERM!!!!!!!!!
Herm Edwards – Hey everybody, glad to be back here in Indy. Hey Boss (addressing bartender) get me the usual. (Herm heads to open stool at the bar)
Large Black Man – Motherfucker, you ain’t sitting by yourself at the bar, you best pick a spot where I can join you.
Herm – Hey guy, no worries, I was just getting my drink, why don’t you sit there next to Romeo and I’ll join you.
Romeo – Larry good to see you again, how are things in KC (starts laughing)
Larry Johnson – What the fuck is so fuckin funny. You traded a 1st round pick for that queer Quinn when you know damn well you could have traded for me last year. I blame you that I’m stuck in that shithole.
Romeo – yeah, now I’m stuck with a queen and a back who is falling apart, Sure Jamal had a good year, but does anyone really think he is going to be able to perform that way again.
Larry – Look at me, I have to come to Indy to babysit rainman here (points to Herm) Motherfucker is all … (Herm joins table)
Herm – Hey there guys, great to be here in Indy with you. I’m really looking forward to another successful year of football.
Larry – Successful, what the fuck was successful about last year. We went 4-12 and lost to the fuckin Raiders. Tell me again how anything about last year can be termed a Fuckin success.
Herm – We have found our QB of the future
Larry – Croyle, Broddy Fuckin Croyl. If he is the future I’m fuckin Abraham Lincoln.
Herm – Our Defense took great strides to being a top flight unit.
Larry – Oh yeah, they took great strides, we don’t have a single starter other than Mullethead who would start anywhere else. Its been the same bullshit every year since I came to KC, we’ll get them next year.
Herm – And I think the fanbase has really bought into my 8 year plan for success.
Larry (throws Herms appletini across the bar) 8 Year, 8 fuckin year, I’m an NFL running back, I don’t have 8 years. Look we are here to get me some help so that you don’t have me running 400 times behind a bunch of pussified bitches again. That Oline was great three years ago, we need to make them that way again. Motherfuckin 8 years bullshit.
Herm – Please, Larry, don’t throw my Appletini, as for the draft, I don’t know, I was thinking about looking at defensive back, If we could get a good one of them, It could take our D to the next level.
Larry – I will pimpslap the stupid out of you if you so much as look at another DB. I swear to all that is holy, you better get me a lineman. Get me that Jake Long motherfucker, look at the way that midget for Michigan ran behind him, that’s what I’m talking about.
Brick – Larry, I don’t think he will last to the 5th pick, St. Louis seems to like him.
Larry – Who the fuck said that you could open your fuckin piehole. Sit there and eat your chicken wings and shut the fuck up. You think I’m going to stand bye while that Larry Johnson wannabe Steven Jackson gets a fuckin stud lineman.
Herm – now Larry we have looked at Ryan Clady out of Boise St.
Larry – Boise St… what the fuck is that, some kind of kiddy college, that ain’t no big ten school. Motherfucker I said Jake fuckin Long.
Herm – Now Larry, Ryan is a fine young man and an outstanding prospect.
Larry – Ok Herm, I tell you what, we’ll go back across the street and take a look at this fine young man. And if he ain’t the shit I’m gonna beat the fuck out of you.
Herm – Sounds good Larry, we’ll go back over after I get another Appletini and take a look at him and this Mike Jenkins cat.
Larry – Look here Pollyanna, we ain’t lookin at no motherfuckin Mike Jenkins, I already done told you no DB’s. And you aint getting no motherfuckin appletini, we out.
Larry jumps up, knocking his chair to the ground, grabs Herm by his collar and drags him out the door.
Herm – Have a glorious day everyone.
Romeo takes a huge bite out of his ham sub, mayo drips down his cheek.
Romeo (with mouth full) – So who do you think they are going to draft?
Brick – I’m putting down Ryan Clady, otherwise I think Larry will break Herm’s legs.
Romeo – you going to eat those wings?
I take one look at Romeo, now with mayo dripping off his cheek, onto his shirt.
Brick – No, don’t think I’m very hungry anymore.
Romeo – than pass them over here fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
Its fast approaching 4 pm here at an unnamed bar across the street from the RCA Dome. Romeo Crennel has reassumed his usual place next to me at the table. And has placed his two subway bags on the table.
Romeo – hey man, I grabbed a sub for you. (Puts 1 subway footlong in front of me takes out 2 others and starts to open the 1st).
Brick – So what did you get me?
Romeo – Ham, double meat, extra mayo, no veg. Same as what I got.
Brick – Umm, no thanks, I have some wings coming.
As if on queue, the server arrives with my wings.
Server – Sir (addressing Crennel) we don’t allow patrons to bring in food from outside.
Romeo – Look, I’m on the Subway diet, if it can work for that pansy Jarret, it can work for me. Besides, I’ve been here all day can’t you cut me some slack. Now how about another diet coke.
Sever (shaking his head as he walks away) some diet, 3 footlongs, 4 fried chickens and almost a gallon of blue cheese.
Romeo – what did he say, that fool ain’t getting no tip.
Door flys open
Bar – HERM!!!!!!!!!
Herm Edwards – Hey everybody, glad to be back here in Indy. Hey Boss (addressing bartender) get me the usual. (Herm heads to open stool at the bar)
Large Black Man – Motherfucker, you ain’t sitting by yourself at the bar, you best pick a spot where I can join you.
Herm – Hey guy, no worries, I was just getting my drink, why don’t you sit there next to Romeo and I’ll join you.
Romeo – Larry good to see you again, how are things in KC (starts laughing)
Larry Johnson – What the fuck is so fuckin funny. You traded a 1st round pick for that queer Quinn when you know damn well you could have traded for me last year. I blame you that I’m stuck in that shithole.
Romeo – yeah, now I’m stuck with a queen and a back who is falling apart, Sure Jamal had a good year, but does anyone really think he is going to be able to perform that way again.
Larry – Look at me, I have to come to Indy to babysit rainman here (points to Herm) Motherfucker is all … (Herm joins table)
Herm – Hey there guys, great to be here in Indy with you. I’m really looking forward to another successful year of football.
Larry – Successful, what the fuck was successful about last year. We went 4-12 and lost to the fuckin Raiders. Tell me again how anything about last year can be termed a Fuckin success.
Herm – We have found our QB of the future
Larry – Croyle, Broddy Fuckin Croyl. If he is the future I’m fuckin Abraham Lincoln.
Herm – Our Defense took great strides to being a top flight unit.
Larry – Oh yeah, they took great strides, we don’t have a single starter other than Mullethead who would start anywhere else. Its been the same bullshit every year since I came to KC, we’ll get them next year.
Herm – And I think the fanbase has really bought into my 8 year plan for success.
Larry (throws Herms appletini across the bar) 8 Year, 8 fuckin year, I’m an NFL running back, I don’t have 8 years. Look we are here to get me some help so that you don’t have me running 400 times behind a bunch of pussified bitches again. That Oline was great three years ago, we need to make them that way again. Motherfuckin 8 years bullshit.
Herm – Please, Larry, don’t throw my Appletini, as for the draft, I don’t know, I was thinking about looking at defensive back, If we could get a good one of them, It could take our D to the next level.
Larry – I will pimpslap the stupid out of you if you so much as look at another DB. I swear to all that is holy, you better get me a lineman. Get me that Jake Long motherfucker, look at the way that midget for Michigan ran behind him, that’s what I’m talking about.
Brick – Larry, I don’t think he will last to the 5th pick, St. Louis seems to like him.
Larry – Who the fuck said that you could open your fuckin piehole. Sit there and eat your chicken wings and shut the fuck up. You think I’m going to stand bye while that Larry Johnson wannabe Steven Jackson gets a fuckin stud lineman.
Herm – now Larry we have looked at Ryan Clady out of Boise St.
Larry – Boise St… what the fuck is that, some kind of kiddy college, that ain’t no big ten school. Motherfucker I said Jake fuckin Long.
Herm – Now Larry, Ryan is a fine young man and an outstanding prospect.
Larry – Ok Herm, I tell you what, we’ll go back across the street and take a look at this fine young man. And if he ain’t the shit I’m gonna beat the fuck out of you.
Herm – Sounds good Larry, we’ll go back over after I get another Appletini and take a look at him and this Mike Jenkins cat.
Larry – Look here Pollyanna, we ain’t lookin at no motherfuckin Mike Jenkins, I already done told you no DB’s. And you aint getting no motherfuckin appletini, we out.
Larry jumps up, knocking his chair to the ground, grabs Herm by his collar and drags him out the door.
Herm – Have a glorious day everyone.
Romeo takes a huge bite out of his ham sub, mayo drips down his cheek.
Romeo (with mouth full) – So who do you think they are going to draft?
Brick – I’m putting down Ryan Clady, otherwise I think Larry will break Herm’s legs.
Romeo – you going to eat those wings?
I take one look at Romeo, now with mayo dripping off his cheek, onto his shirt.
Brick – No, don’t think I’m very hungry anymore.
Romeo – than pass them over here fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - Oakland Raiders, Tomato Juice
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
Shortly after Mr. Blank left, Romeo excused himself and left the bar. The server came by and cleared the mound of plates and empty diet coke glasses. Looking to put a little food in my stomach I ordered some buffalo wings, no blue cheese and some water. The last few people whom I had run into had caused my alcohol intake to go to college levels, and I didn’t think I could maintain that pace for the rest of the afternoon. Not long after I placed my order, things got strange again.
The lights in the bar dimmed, and everything got strangely silent. The hustle and bustle of a busy bar vanished and a sense of foreboding washed over everyone.
Slowly the front door creaked open and a shadowy figure entered flanked by a tall black man. The shadowy figure was dressed head to toe in a white jumpsuit, the man by his side all in black. I immediately sat straight up in my chair. This was the man I had been hoping/dreading to meet. Al Davis was in the bar. The man who is the Raiders, my favorite, team was here. Could I hold it together long enough to speak to him, or would he brush me aside. I didn’t have to wait long for my answer.
Al Davis – this is the spot James, you can smell the fear in the establishment. I can feed off of this. Wait, there is something here, this table (a crocked finger extends towards me) I sense desperation, mixed with faint hope. You, (addressing me) you there you are a Raiders fan aren’t you.
Brick – yes Mr. Davis, I am a Raider fan, would you do me the honor of joining me at my table.
Al Davis – James this table will do, get me a tomato juice from the bar. (James pulls out a chair for Mr. Davis and helps him into the seat, then rushes over to the bar).
Brick – Mr. Davis, thank you for joining me, may I ask you a few questions.
Mr. Davis – First, you must answer mine. What is your name?
Brick – Please call me brick.
Mr. Davis – Brick, interesting, I would wager that is not your real name, there is something you are trying to hide, but for now I will let this pass. Mr. Brick, you are not a reporter are you?
Brick – No Mr. Davis, I am not a reporter.
Mr. Davis – Once again, you are holding back the full truth from me. Mr. Brick, I will warn you now that if you hope for this conversation to continue you must be open with me. Your lack of honesty disturbs me.
Brick – I am recording this conversation for a blog I write, I am putting together a mock draft based on the information I have gathered here in the bar.
Mr. Davis – Was that so hard Mr. Brick, I am a benevolent man, so I will allow you to continue this conversation…Secret recordings, you could have a future in this league. Now that we have established the basis for this conversation, I will allow you to ask your questions. But please be brief, I do not suffer fools.
(James returns with a glass of tomato juice, he empties the glass onto the floor, and produces a thermos from under his coat. He refills the glass with a thick dark red fluid and passes the glass to Mr. Davis, who takes a long sip)
Mr. Davis – Well done James, still warm, you must never let it get cold, the juice must always be warm. Mr. Brick, I am sure you are familiar with my associate James Loften, I have high hopes for this young man. He has the potential to serve us well.
Brick – Yes Mr. Davis, I am familiar with Mr. Loften’s work. Which brings me to my 1st question, there have been many rumors of discord within the Raiders organization this off season. How do you address these issues?
Mr. Davis – I put no stock into rumor, those who serve me know their role and must perform as required or they will be dealt with. As always the greatness of the Raiders is in its future.
Brick – So the reports that Lane Kiffen stay as Raiders head coach will be a short one and you are readying Mr. Loften to be the next coach are off base?
Mr. Davis – I will evaluate the progress of young Lane and I will make the final decision as to his future. Mr. Loften is here to help the Raiders win; his role will be determined by his abilities. He shows much promise in his ability to serve me, can he and Lane just win, that is the real question can they just win baby?
Brick – the constant turnover within the Raiders coaching staff in recent years has been pointed to by many as holding back the team, do you feel a more consistent approach would benefit the team.
Mr. Davis – Norvell lost sight of the prize, he lost his players, and Author was miscast and could not gain the trust of the players. But you must remember, I am the constant, I am the be all end all, As long as I am here everything else is inconsequential. Only those whose commitment to excellence can match mine will be retained, all others will be jettisoned.
(Mr. Davis takes another long sip from his glass, some color appears in his cheeks)
Mr. Davis – this is an excellent vintage Mr. Lofton, very fresh, very young. You would be well served to continue on this path. Mr. Brick, as you see I am almost done with my drink, consider this your last question.
Brick – thank you Mr. Davis, as I said I am putting together a mock draft, who are the Raiders targeting this year?
Mr. Davis – Mock draft, you must have gained some insight into the plans of others by positioning yourself in this establishment, what have you learned so far?
Brick – The dolphins like Dorsey since he can eat hotdogs, the Rams need protection for their shell shocked QB, so I have them taking Jake Long and the Falcons seem to run their franchise like a plantation, looking for the strongest fastest black man and will be taking Darren McFadden.
Mr. Davis – you have spent your time here wisely, Those you have spoke to are performing just as I have expected. Mr. Brick, what do you know of my draft tendencies.
Brick – you seem to like athletes first, but give special consideration to west coast players and legacies.
Mr. Davis – Ah, legacies, Once a Raider, always a Raider. This goes for families as well. Look here for your answer Mr. Brick. With that I leave you, James my chair.
With that, Mr. Davis downed his glass, James pulled out Mr. Davis’s chair, helped him up a led him to the door. Upon their exiting, the lights came back up, and the bar returned to normal. As I was filling out my mock draft sheet, Romeo returned with two large bags from Subway.
Romeo – Did I miss anything?
Brick - Al Davis was here, and I learned they are taking Chris Long.
Romeo – Al Davis!, I ain’t sayin nothin bout that sucka.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
Shortly after Mr. Blank left, Romeo excused himself and left the bar. The server came by and cleared the mound of plates and empty diet coke glasses. Looking to put a little food in my stomach I ordered some buffalo wings, no blue cheese and some water. The last few people whom I had run into had caused my alcohol intake to go to college levels, and I didn’t think I could maintain that pace for the rest of the afternoon. Not long after I placed my order, things got strange again.
The lights in the bar dimmed, and everything got strangely silent. The hustle and bustle of a busy bar vanished and a sense of foreboding washed over everyone.
Slowly the front door creaked open and a shadowy figure entered flanked by a tall black man. The shadowy figure was dressed head to toe in a white jumpsuit, the man by his side all in black. I immediately sat straight up in my chair. This was the man I had been hoping/dreading to meet. Al Davis was in the bar. The man who is the Raiders, my favorite, team was here. Could I hold it together long enough to speak to him, or would he brush me aside. I didn’t have to wait long for my answer.
Al Davis – this is the spot James, you can smell the fear in the establishment. I can feed off of this. Wait, there is something here, this table (a crocked finger extends towards me) I sense desperation, mixed with faint hope. You, (addressing me) you there you are a Raiders fan aren’t you.
Brick – yes Mr. Davis, I am a Raider fan, would you do me the honor of joining me at my table.
Al Davis – James this table will do, get me a tomato juice from the bar. (James pulls out a chair for Mr. Davis and helps him into the seat, then rushes over to the bar).
Brick – Mr. Davis, thank you for joining me, may I ask you a few questions.
Mr. Davis – First, you must answer mine. What is your name?
Brick – Please call me brick.
Mr. Davis – Brick, interesting, I would wager that is not your real name, there is something you are trying to hide, but for now I will let this pass. Mr. Brick, you are not a reporter are you?
Brick – No Mr. Davis, I am not a reporter.
Mr. Davis – Once again, you are holding back the full truth from me. Mr. Brick, I will warn you now that if you hope for this conversation to continue you must be open with me. Your lack of honesty disturbs me.
Brick – I am recording this conversation for a blog I write, I am putting together a mock draft based on the information I have gathered here in the bar.
Mr. Davis – Was that so hard Mr. Brick, I am a benevolent man, so I will allow you to continue this conversation…Secret recordings, you could have a future in this league. Now that we have established the basis for this conversation, I will allow you to ask your questions. But please be brief, I do not suffer fools.
(James returns with a glass of tomato juice, he empties the glass onto the floor, and produces a thermos from under his coat. He refills the glass with a thick dark red fluid and passes the glass to Mr. Davis, who takes a long sip)
Mr. Davis – Well done James, still warm, you must never let it get cold, the juice must always be warm. Mr. Brick, I am sure you are familiar with my associate James Loften, I have high hopes for this young man. He has the potential to serve us well.
Brick – Yes Mr. Davis, I am familiar with Mr. Loften’s work. Which brings me to my 1st question, there have been many rumors of discord within the Raiders organization this off season. How do you address these issues?
Mr. Davis – I put no stock into rumor, those who serve me know their role and must perform as required or they will be dealt with. As always the greatness of the Raiders is in its future.
Brick – So the reports that Lane Kiffen stay as Raiders head coach will be a short one and you are readying Mr. Loften to be the next coach are off base?
Mr. Davis – I will evaluate the progress of young Lane and I will make the final decision as to his future. Mr. Loften is here to help the Raiders win; his role will be determined by his abilities. He shows much promise in his ability to serve me, can he and Lane just win, that is the real question can they just win baby?
Brick – the constant turnover within the Raiders coaching staff in recent years has been pointed to by many as holding back the team, do you feel a more consistent approach would benefit the team.
Mr. Davis – Norvell lost sight of the prize, he lost his players, and Author was miscast and could not gain the trust of the players. But you must remember, I am the constant, I am the be all end all, As long as I am here everything else is inconsequential. Only those whose commitment to excellence can match mine will be retained, all others will be jettisoned.
(Mr. Davis takes another long sip from his glass, some color appears in his cheeks)
Mr. Davis – this is an excellent vintage Mr. Lofton, very fresh, very young. You would be well served to continue on this path. Mr. Brick, as you see I am almost done with my drink, consider this your last question.
Brick – thank you Mr. Davis, as I said I am putting together a mock draft, who are the Raiders targeting this year?
Mr. Davis – Mock draft, you must have gained some insight into the plans of others by positioning yourself in this establishment, what have you learned so far?
Brick – The dolphins like Dorsey since he can eat hotdogs, the Rams need protection for their shell shocked QB, so I have them taking Jake Long and the Falcons seem to run their franchise like a plantation, looking for the strongest fastest black man and will be taking Darren McFadden.
Mr. Davis – you have spent your time here wisely, Those you have spoke to are performing just as I have expected. Mr. Brick, what do you know of my draft tendencies.
Brick – you seem to like athletes first, but give special consideration to west coast players and legacies.
Mr. Davis – Ah, legacies, Once a Raider, always a Raider. This goes for families as well. Look here for your answer Mr. Brick. With that I leave you, James my chair.
With that, Mr. Davis downed his glass, James pulled out Mr. Davis’s chair, helped him up a led him to the door. Upon their exiting, the lights came back up, and the bar returned to normal. As I was filling out my mock draft sheet, Romeo returned with two large bags from Subway.
Romeo – Did I miss anything?
Brick - Al Davis was here, and I learned they are taking Chris Long.
Romeo – Al Davis!, I ain’t sayin nothin bout that sucka.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
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