My apologies to those of you who used to come here for my Raiders posts, But the thing is, I only have time for one or two posts a week. Nothing seems to have changed with the Raiders (Offense is only as good as the line, which sucks; Defense is too undisciplined to be consistent). Sure getting the win vs. San Diego was huge, and I even started a post on it Monday. But it wasn’t up to my low standards, so it sits on my desktop unfinished.
So the majority of my writing is focusing on what is getting the majority of my free time focus. And that happens to be my struggle to get myself back in shape, and what I am learning about myself.
The great thing about CrossFit, is that I am already applying lessons from my workouts into my daily life.
One thing about me, I hate looking foolish. I joke about it when something does happen to me that makes me the butt of a joke. But god damn, it burns me inside. If I were to play armature psychologist, I’d say it comes from being a “Husky” kid. Who was teased constantly about his weight throughout my formative years, and learned to cope through a self depreciating sense of humor.
So how does this relate to CrossFit? Well if you have read any of the posts, you will find the constant refrain of me being put into situations where I know I will fail, know I will look foolish and being forced to push through despite my insecurities.
A month ago, when I started this journey, I used my anger at how far gone I was as my motivation to get into the gym. I knew I wasn’t ready, but I didn’t care. But, truth be told, there was still an internal battle every day on the way to the gym.
Everyone there runs better than me, I hope we aren’t running
Everyone there can do unassisted pull ups, I hope we aren’t doing those
Everyone there has better endurance; I hope it is a short workout
I’m going to look dumb because my form on (insert exercise here) sucks
By the time I had finished my 45 minute drive home, I had almost talked myself out of going. I was going to go make a fool out of myself, and these people were quickly becoming “non-strangers”, and if they know me and I look like an idiot, that is even worse. But that driving anger at myself pushed me to get off my couch and to the box.
That’s not to say that my inner fear of embarrassment hasn’t gotten the better of me at times.
Fight Gone Bad was the Saturday after my 1st workout. It also happened to be my wife’s birthday. I would have had to significantly mod the workout to get through it, and hence look foolish. So I was more than happy to use the excuse of my wife’s birthday to wimp out.
Tuesday’s handstands against the wall may very well have gone better, had I not had the underlying fear of looking uncoordinated as I collapsed to the ground following a failed attempt, or even worse, had put a portion of my body through the wall (have I mentioned I am fat).
But I am finding more and more that I am no longer letting this drive me.
Since I can’t do a handstand push-up yet, I found myself with my knees on a box, ass in the air, hands on the ground working those lacking muscles last night. The thought of how foolish I must look the furthest thing from my mind (pain and exhaustion were there instead, which is fine by me).
When I see a workout with multiple runs in it, I no longer swear under my breath. I look forward to seeing how much further I can go, before my stumbling jog turns into a gasping walk.
I may still joke with Will to go get a cot, since we will be here all night waiting for me to finish. But it isn’t so much a self defense to hide my shame, because I feel no shame in pushing myself to get better.
And that is the thing I am finding about CrossFit, there doesn’t seem to be anyone who doesn’t look foolish, or if they don’t they didn’t push themselves hard enough that day.
Just last night I noticed that I wasn’t the only one struggling through the WOD. A couple of the people who seem to make everything look easy to me, were getting their asses kicked, and the one who didn’t get her ass kicked sheepishly admitted that she should have scaled the workout up some.
Following the WOD, while I was doing some stretching and work on my shoulder, those same people who make everything look easy. They were working on an advanced movement, and struggling and maybe looking a little foolish.
As Danielle told me just three workouts in, this isn’t just hard for me; it is hard for everyone. We all look foolish, we all fail. That is part of pushing yourself. And, well to be honest, failing can be fun.
Anyway, this is getting long and I should wrap this up, and point out how this is changing things for me outside the gym. Today I was invited to take part in a golf tournament. I think I have played once in the last two years, and I wasn’t very good to begin with. There will be plenty of people I know there many of them who hold positions well above me.
Instead of declining so as to avoid embarrassment, I let the inviter know that I’m not very good, so if he is looking to field a competitive team, he might want to look elsewhere, but otherwise I’m in. Hell, I always liked getting out to golf, so if they don’t care if I suck, why should I. I’m going to fail, and I’m going to have fun doing it.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Hands on the ground, hands on the ground
Newsflash: I cannot do a handstand
Its not that I thought that I could, and I’m pretty sure that no one would take one look at me and say “now there is a guy capable of standing on his hands”, some may
say “there is a guy who spends most of his day with his head up his ass” but that is a different matter.
But a handstand was on the menu last night at CrossFit, well at least something approximating me putting my hands on the ground, and my feet in the air. Needless to say, this did not go well.
Well, maybe I should backtrack a little. Handstands were not on the menu when I got there, no mention of a handstand was on the board when I got there. There was a warm-up, and a WOD (Helena, 20 minutes of 400m runs and pull ups to failure). Then Zeke called the 6:30 class to order, and started adding items to the board.
3 sets of
30 second handstand
30 second frog stance
Followed by
3 sets of
3 reps handstand pushups
I’m pretty sure when Zeke turned around he quickly noted the glazed over look on 3 of our faces and knew that some remedial education was in order. Sure 2 of us were Crossfit vets, but the rest of us “didn’t have” (Crossfit’s polite way of saying you can’t do something yet) our Handstand.
So we started off with tripods. A movement that looks simple enough. To start you put your head down on an ab-mat. Then you attempt to walk you feet up until you place your knees on your elbows and either hold the pose, or go advanced and lift your legs up into the air.
Like I said, looks simple enough, but having just ran a half-mile, and done other assorted warm-up activities, I was already dripping with sweat. My knees kept slipping off of my elbows, causing my legs to crash to the ground.
After I bumbled through this movement for a couple minutes, Zeke introduced us to the Frog stance. This one didn’t look simple, and made me look even more foolish. Start in a squatting position, like you are stretching your groin. Proceed to move your weight forward onto your hands, and rest your knees on your elbows again, or in the air if you are actually in shape.
One again, an embarrassing display on my part. The mats were a sweaty mess from a combination of the moisture dripping off my head, and where various body parts crashed to the ground.
I spent the next few minutes going through the motions of trying to get our 30 second sets in each pose, but my bad shoulder was starting to act up, and I can’t say that my heart was in it.
We then went over to do some handstand push-ups. Full range of motion was stressed, and ways to advance the movement, or use the bands to help were discussed. Then those of us who “didn’t have our handstand” were taken over to a wall and instructed on how to “get our handstand”.
This pretty much meant flipping yourself ass over head and using the wall to help with balance. Or at least this is what you were supposed to do.
I quickly found that it takes a lot of momentum to get my substantial mid section over my head. After a couple of failed attempts, I manage to get them up there. Only to crash head 1st into the wall once I got suitable momentum. At this point my shoulder went from balking to screaming, and I excused myself to do some range of motion work on my shoulder as I waited for the workout of the day to start.
Things went better for me in the WOD. I ran further than I thought I could before breaking from a jog to a walk only for portions of the last three 400’s. The pull-ups weren’t impressive, as I was using an elastic band for assistance, and gasping for air from the runs. But I got more rounds in than I thought I would and did not allow myself to quit, despite my shoulder airing its grievances throughout the run, and a minor cramp in my side about half-way through.
About a month in, and I am already seeing some results from this workout regimen. I am running further than I have in years. My strength is slowly coming back. (Monday we maxed out in shoulder press, front squat and dead lift, and while I didn’t set all time bests for myself, I did substantially better than I could have a month ago). My mindset is improved, as I am pushing through physical discomfort in the workouts and not quitting on myself.
Other than the return of my aching shoulder, things are looking up.
Its not that I thought that I could, and I’m pretty sure that no one would take one look at me and say “now there is a guy capable of standing on his hands”, some may
say “there is a guy who spends most of his day with his head up his ass” but that is a different matter.
But a handstand was on the menu last night at CrossFit, well at least something approximating me putting my hands on the ground, and my feet in the air. Needless to say, this did not go well.
Well, maybe I should backtrack a little. Handstands were not on the menu when I got there, no mention of a handstand was on the board when I got there. There was a warm-up, and a WOD (Helena, 20 minutes of 400m runs and pull ups to failure). Then Zeke called the 6:30 class to order, and started adding items to the board.
3 sets of
30 second handstand
30 second frog stance
Followed by
3 sets of
3 reps handstand pushups
I’m pretty sure when Zeke turned around he quickly noted the glazed over look on 3 of our faces and knew that some remedial education was in order. Sure 2 of us were Crossfit vets, but the rest of us “didn’t have” (Crossfit’s polite way of saying you can’t do something yet) our Handstand.
So we started off with tripods. A movement that looks simple enough. To start you put your head down on an ab-mat. Then you attempt to walk you feet up until you place your knees on your elbows and either hold the pose, or go advanced and lift your legs up into the air.
Like I said, looks simple enough, but having just ran a half-mile, and done other assorted warm-up activities, I was already dripping with sweat. My knees kept slipping off of my elbows, causing my legs to crash to the ground.
After I bumbled through this movement for a couple minutes, Zeke introduced us to the Frog stance. This one didn’t look simple, and made me look even more foolish. Start in a squatting position, like you are stretching your groin. Proceed to move your weight forward onto your hands, and rest your knees on your elbows again, or in the air if you are actually in shape.
One again, an embarrassing display on my part. The mats were a sweaty mess from a combination of the moisture dripping off my head, and where various body parts crashed to the ground.
I spent the next few minutes going through the motions of trying to get our 30 second sets in each pose, but my bad shoulder was starting to act up, and I can’t say that my heart was in it.
We then went over to do some handstand push-ups. Full range of motion was stressed, and ways to advance the movement, or use the bands to help were discussed. Then those of us who “didn’t have our handstand” were taken over to a wall and instructed on how to “get our handstand”.
This pretty much meant flipping yourself ass over head and using the wall to help with balance. Or at least this is what you were supposed to do.
I quickly found that it takes a lot of momentum to get my substantial mid section over my head. After a couple of failed attempts, I manage to get them up there. Only to crash head 1st into the wall once I got suitable momentum. At this point my shoulder went from balking to screaming, and I excused myself to do some range of motion work on my shoulder as I waited for the workout of the day to start.
Things went better for me in the WOD. I ran further than I thought I could before breaking from a jog to a walk only for portions of the last three 400’s. The pull-ups weren’t impressive, as I was using an elastic band for assistance, and gasping for air from the runs. But I got more rounds in than I thought I would and did not allow myself to quit, despite my shoulder airing its grievances throughout the run, and a minor cramp in my side about half-way through.
About a month in, and I am already seeing some results from this workout regimen. I am running further than I have in years. My strength is slowly coming back. (Monday we maxed out in shoulder press, front squat and dead lift, and while I didn’t set all time bests for myself, I did substantially better than I could have a month ago). My mindset is improved, as I am pushing through physical discomfort in the workouts and not quitting on myself.
Other than the return of my aching shoulder, things are looking up.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Standing up to the Bully
Pro-Tip: do not do dead lifts, followed by a “chipper” workout featuring walking lunges, back extensions and about 10 other exercises that tax your core the night prior to a 10 hour drive.
I learned this the hard way last Thursday. As I walked into Crossfit my standard 15 minutes early to start stretching, I noticed that the 5:30 class was dropping like flies as they wrapped up the marathon workout that was on the board.
The warm-up had me gasping for air, a feeling I am growing all to accustom to. Unfortunately, it was just a quick 5 reps of each of the movements that we would be expected to do that night, with plenty of rest in between. There would be no rest during the workout that Will termed a “Chipper” workout, as in just keep chipping away at it.
Then I made my big mistake, since I wouldn’t be around Friday or Saturday, I asked if I should work one of the strength movements prior to the workout, thinking that this would result in a scaled down workout to compensate.
Will seemed to think this was a good idea (the strength work, not modding the WOD), and had me proceed to work on my dead lifts. Initially I was mortified at how little weight I was able to move, but a couple of form tips later, I was banging out some quality reps (well quality for me).
Then it was time to start the workout that the rest of the class was about half way through. “Just keep moving” was the only advice give, not the “cut back by 25%” I had been hoping for.
So I proceeded to begin the Bataan death march of a workout that was laid out before me. My back and hamstrings screamed for mercy. Sweat dripped into my eyes, blurring my vision at times. This was not fun.
With 3 exercises left, I found myself set up for a set of 25 back extensions. I have done these for years, and never before have I found myself jackknifed with my hands on the floor, wondering how I was going to get myself back to horizontal as my lower back and hamstrings burned the way your eyes burn if you take out your contacts after dicing jalapeños (pro-tip #2, wash your hands at least 30 times between these 2 activities).
I then stumbled over to wall-ball, and I can truthfully tell you that I have no idea how many reps I did. I’m pretty sure I didn’t get the prescribed amount, but with Hanna and Will rooting me on, I got myself together enough to string together 5 more reps, before doing 9 pitiful floor to standing pull ups.
I was laid out on the floor for what seemed like 5 minutes before composing myself enough to shakily get to my feet. Every fiber of my body hurt, but I had pushed myself farther than I thought I could. But still not as far as I probably should be able to.
The next morning I struggled to get through my shower, and to get into the truck to drive to Upstate NY. There was not one minute of that drive, or the 40 minute drive to or from the game the next day, or the 20 minutes in the car going to dinner, or the 12 hours back where I was comfortable. It wasn’t until Tuesday around noon that I stood up from a chair without needing 3-5 steps to straighten my back (which included another workout Monday night).
There is a positive end to all of this. After a lackluster workout on Monday, Tuesday’s workout was without a doubt my best so far at CrossFit.
Sure I was still gassed after warm-ups, but I felt good working on both my shoulder presses and front squats, pushing myself in both. Then I felt like I didn’t completely embarrass myself in the WOD. I may have only gotten my knees to chest (or more likely waist) instead of to my elbows for that part of the workout. But I was able to keep a respectable pace throughout.
Sure, for the 6:30 class, I came in a distant 3rd out of 3 participants in the WOD, but I have to remember that I am not competing with the others in the class. I am competing against myself, and my preconceived notions of what I can accomplish.
Not completely embarrassing myself, and keeping a respectable pace, may not sound like a huge accomplishment. But for me there was a world of difference between the way that I have felt walking out of Crossfit last night compared to end of the previous workouts. The bully still had still kicked my ass, but he left with a bloody lip to show for it.
My legs may fell rubbery today, and I am damn glad that tonight I will be having a date night with my wife rather than hitting the gym. But I feel like I may be clearing the 1st hurdle. I still need a lot of work on my endurance, flexibility and mindset, but the way I felt leaving the box last night was awesome. And I can’t wait to hit it hard tomorrow... after resting tonight.
I learned this the hard way last Thursday. As I walked into Crossfit my standard 15 minutes early to start stretching, I noticed that the 5:30 class was dropping like flies as they wrapped up the marathon workout that was on the board.
The warm-up had me gasping for air, a feeling I am growing all to accustom to. Unfortunately, it was just a quick 5 reps of each of the movements that we would be expected to do that night, with plenty of rest in between. There would be no rest during the workout that Will termed a “Chipper” workout, as in just keep chipping away at it.
Then I made my big mistake, since I wouldn’t be around Friday or Saturday, I asked if I should work one of the strength movements prior to the workout, thinking that this would result in a scaled down workout to compensate.
Will seemed to think this was a good idea (the strength work, not modding the WOD), and had me proceed to work on my dead lifts. Initially I was mortified at how little weight I was able to move, but a couple of form tips later, I was banging out some quality reps (well quality for me).
Then it was time to start the workout that the rest of the class was about half way through. “Just keep moving” was the only advice give, not the “cut back by 25%” I had been hoping for.
So I proceeded to begin the Bataan death march of a workout that was laid out before me. My back and hamstrings screamed for mercy. Sweat dripped into my eyes, blurring my vision at times. This was not fun.
With 3 exercises left, I found myself set up for a set of 25 back extensions. I have done these for years, and never before have I found myself jackknifed with my hands on the floor, wondering how I was going to get myself back to horizontal as my lower back and hamstrings burned the way your eyes burn if you take out your contacts after dicing jalapeños (pro-tip #2, wash your hands at least 30 times between these 2 activities).
I then stumbled over to wall-ball, and I can truthfully tell you that I have no idea how many reps I did. I’m pretty sure I didn’t get the prescribed amount, but with Hanna and Will rooting me on, I got myself together enough to string together 5 more reps, before doing 9 pitiful floor to standing pull ups.
I was laid out on the floor for what seemed like 5 minutes before composing myself enough to shakily get to my feet. Every fiber of my body hurt, but I had pushed myself farther than I thought I could. But still not as far as I probably should be able to.
The next morning I struggled to get through my shower, and to get into the truck to drive to Upstate NY. There was not one minute of that drive, or the 40 minute drive to or from the game the next day, or the 20 minutes in the car going to dinner, or the 12 hours back where I was comfortable. It wasn’t until Tuesday around noon that I stood up from a chair without needing 3-5 steps to straighten my back (which included another workout Monday night).
There is a positive end to all of this. After a lackluster workout on Monday, Tuesday’s workout was without a doubt my best so far at CrossFit.
Sure I was still gassed after warm-ups, but I felt good working on both my shoulder presses and front squats, pushing myself in both. Then I felt like I didn’t completely embarrass myself in the WOD. I may have only gotten my knees to chest (or more likely waist) instead of to my elbows for that part of the workout. But I was able to keep a respectable pace throughout.
Sure, for the 6:30 class, I came in a distant 3rd out of 3 participants in the WOD, but I have to remember that I am not competing with the others in the class. I am competing against myself, and my preconceived notions of what I can accomplish.
Not completely embarrassing myself, and keeping a respectable pace, may not sound like a huge accomplishment. But for me there was a world of difference between the way that I have felt walking out of Crossfit last night compared to end of the previous workouts. The bully still had still kicked my ass, but he left with a bloody lip to show for it.
My legs may fell rubbery today, and I am damn glad that tonight I will be having a date night with my wife rather than hitting the gym. But I feel like I may be clearing the 1st hurdle. I still need a lot of work on my endurance, flexibility and mindset, but the way I felt leaving the box last night was awesome. And I can’t wait to hit it hard tomorrow... after resting tonight.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Meeting Murph
“Are you new here?” She said as she overtook me in the warm-up run.
“Yeah, this is my 3rd workout.”
“Well don’t worry, it doesn’t get any easier, we are all dead by the end of the workout.”
And with those words of encouragement, Danielle blew by me and went on with her run.
I am quickly finding that the words “check your ego at the door” are a requirement of my trips to the CrossFit box.
Be it a 5 foot nothing, 100 and nothing pound girl, or a 6’7” guy, I have found that most anyone can run circles around me or just make me look foolish in any endeavor.
But, here we are, a week and a half into it, and I am finding that I look forward to getting to the box everyday after work. Last night I cursed myself as I was driving home, since I had agreed to take my wife out to a movie, and I hadn’t gotten out of work in time to get a work out in 1st.
And while we are on the subject of discoveries. I have found that Crossfit has a funny way of paying tribute to our fallen soldiers.
Tuesday was my 1st “Hero” workout. These are torture devices named for a brave member of our armed Services who has lost his or her life defending our country.
My introduction to the Hero workout was “Murph” named after a Navy Seal who lost his life in Afghanistan. Later I found out that the mission that he lost his life on has a book written about it call “Sole Survivor”, it has been added to my reading list.
But back to Murph, I’m not sure how they go about picking the workout that is dedicated to the individual, but If it was a favorite workout of the individual for whom it is named, than Murph was a sick fuck. Start with a mile run, then 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups and 300 squats, oh and tack on another mile run just for fun.
Fortunately they let you break up the pull-ups, push-ups and squats however you want. Unfortunately I only made it through about a 1/3 of the prescribed workout before the trainer came over to me and let me know I should start stumbling through my 2nd mile if we ever wanted to get home that night.
So while it may not have been CrossFit’s intention, the result was me cursing the name of a fallen soldier as I jogged around the parking lot in the rain Tuesday night. Actually, it was more me cursing myself for thinking that any workout involving 2-miles of running was a good idea, seeing as it had probably been 10 years since I had run 2-miles in a day, let alone in a workout.
That said, I will be back at the box tonight, hopefully for an indoor workout, since I have been soaked to the bone everyday so far this week, and am quite sick of it. I thought I was moving to Wilmington for the beach and sun, not 20+ inches of rain in 4 days.
“Yeah, this is my 3rd workout.”
“Well don’t worry, it doesn’t get any easier, we are all dead by the end of the workout.”
And with those words of encouragement, Danielle blew by me and went on with her run.
I am quickly finding that the words “check your ego at the door” are a requirement of my trips to the CrossFit box.
Be it a 5 foot nothing, 100 and nothing pound girl, or a 6’7” guy, I have found that most anyone can run circles around me or just make me look foolish in any endeavor.
But, here we are, a week and a half into it, and I am finding that I look forward to getting to the box everyday after work. Last night I cursed myself as I was driving home, since I had agreed to take my wife out to a movie, and I hadn’t gotten out of work in time to get a work out in 1st.
And while we are on the subject of discoveries. I have found that Crossfit has a funny way of paying tribute to our fallen soldiers.
Tuesday was my 1st “Hero” workout. These are torture devices named for a brave member of our armed Services who has lost his or her life defending our country.
My introduction to the Hero workout was “Murph” named after a Navy Seal who lost his life in Afghanistan. Later I found out that the mission that he lost his life on has a book written about it call “Sole Survivor”, it has been added to my reading list.
But back to Murph, I’m not sure how they go about picking the workout that is dedicated to the individual, but If it was a favorite workout of the individual for whom it is named, than Murph was a sick fuck. Start with a mile run, then 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups and 300 squats, oh and tack on another mile run just for fun.
Fortunately they let you break up the pull-ups, push-ups and squats however you want. Unfortunately I only made it through about a 1/3 of the prescribed workout before the trainer came over to me and let me know I should start stumbling through my 2nd mile if we ever wanted to get home that night.
So while it may not have been CrossFit’s intention, the result was me cursing the name of a fallen soldier as I jogged around the parking lot in the rain Tuesday night. Actually, it was more me cursing myself for thinking that any workout involving 2-miles of running was a good idea, seeing as it had probably been 10 years since I had run 2-miles in a day, let alone in a workout.
That said, I will be back at the box tonight, hopefully for an indoor workout, since I have been soaked to the bone everyday so far this week, and am quite sick of it. I thought I was moving to Wilmington for the beach and sun, not 20+ inches of rain in 4 days.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I have met the enemy
The battle to win back my health will not be easy, it will not be fun and it will not be pretty.
Day 2 at CrossFit started off relatively easy. It was a personal workout day, to make sure I knew the basics necessary to join the group workouts. And I started off strong.
A 400m warm-up run/jog to start, and there was no mistaking me for a hero today. I jogged it out, working up a nice base sweat but not gassing myself. Then it was on to a progression of body weight squats (standard, front and overhead) presses (standing, push and jerk) kettle ball swings, sit-ups and back extensions.
I was genuinely surprised when my squat form was corrected. I wasn’t surprised that I needed correction, but was surprised at the correction made. I have never been good at going deep enough, but that wasn’t the issue. It was my foot placement. All my years of training for football, you set up to squat with a football related base, so that you worked the muscles the way you would when firing out of your stance.
Zeke, the owner/head trainer, had me widen my base, and point my toes out. Years of muscle memory screamed in protest, but I was immediately going deeper, but still not below parallel. This will take some getting used to.
From there it was on to my private session; A brief introduction to the Olympic movements. Cleans and Jerks are nothing new to me. These along with squats and bench presses formed the basis of the explosive training that I went through years ago, so I was feeling pretty confident. The snatch would be something new for me, but the start of the movement was familiar, so I guessed I’d be able to figure it out.
I have to say, my trainer, Chris, was excellent. There was quite a bit of rust to be knocked off to begin with, but he broke down the movements in a way that had never been done for me before. The coaches I have worked with in the past would be well served to spend a day with him, and learn how to teach the movements. I am confident that had I ever been instructed in this manner, I would have been putting up a hell of a lot more weight. I’m looking forward to getting my strength back and putting up personal bests 10 years past my playing days.
And while I quickly picked up on the corrections being made to my rusty form, I was shocked at how I was already tiring just moving a wooden dowel and a 45lb bar. I knew coming in that getting my wind back would be one of the hardest parts of the process, but this was nuts.
Then things went wrong. While I put the dowels back, and grabbed some water, Chris consulted with Zeke on what workout I would be doing today. Apparently Zeke hates me already, because his answer was “Fight Gone Bad”.
Yeah, this was the workout that had originally peaked my interest in CrossFit, but my mind screamed “I’m not ready”. Chris reassured me that it would only be 2 rounds, not the prescribed 5. But the damage was done. I tried to put on a good face, and aggressively attack the workout, but it had already defeated me mentally.
Wall Ball was 1st, and I did fairly well, but I was pushing too much with my arms, wasn’t using proper squat form (still need to get that base wider) and I think I was set up too far from the wall (based on watching a video of FGB online to explain to my wife why I was swimming in sweat when I got home).
That was the only positive of the 12 minute workout. Sumo high-pulls were just a sad excuse of going through the motions. My confidence and wind were shot by the time I addressed the box jumps, and only managed some half hearted step-ups. Push press would have been adequate, had it been the 5th round of FGB, not the 1st. And rowing was yet another example of me going through the motions as I gasped for air.
Round 2 made round 1 look inspired. This would have be bad enough, but then came the last 30 seconds of the workout when I went back on the attack on the rows. I put more heart and effort into that last 30 seconds than I had the previous 11 ½ minutes. Prompting Chris to exclaim “where did that come from?”
I was too winded to reply, but deep down I knew. It came from me getting pissed off at myself. Not because I had failed to do the workout, but because I had failed to give it everything I had. There had been plenty of times during the workout that I felt that I could puke, but rather than pushing through that feeling, or puking and rallying (a gift of mine according to my old drinking buddies) I had caved.
If there is one thing that I can take from day 2, it is that I completely overlooked one area that needed serious work. I knew that when it came to endurance and flexibility I was woefully unprepared. I knew that my strength had waned, but had faith in muscle memory helping me through. I had no idea the depths that my mind had slipped.
Looking back at the years of excuses, and the way I quickly faltered in workout #1, I can’t believe I missed this. I have been losing the mental game for years. Pushing through has been getting it’s ass handed to it by rolling over.
I have met the enemy, and it is me.
Day 2 at CrossFit started off relatively easy. It was a personal workout day, to make sure I knew the basics necessary to join the group workouts. And I started off strong.
A 400m warm-up run/jog to start, and there was no mistaking me for a hero today. I jogged it out, working up a nice base sweat but not gassing myself. Then it was on to a progression of body weight squats (standard, front and overhead) presses (standing, push and jerk) kettle ball swings, sit-ups and back extensions.
I was genuinely surprised when my squat form was corrected. I wasn’t surprised that I needed correction, but was surprised at the correction made. I have never been good at going deep enough, but that wasn’t the issue. It was my foot placement. All my years of training for football, you set up to squat with a football related base, so that you worked the muscles the way you would when firing out of your stance.
Zeke, the owner/head trainer, had me widen my base, and point my toes out. Years of muscle memory screamed in protest, but I was immediately going deeper, but still not below parallel. This will take some getting used to.
From there it was on to my private session; A brief introduction to the Olympic movements. Cleans and Jerks are nothing new to me. These along with squats and bench presses formed the basis of the explosive training that I went through years ago, so I was feeling pretty confident. The snatch would be something new for me, but the start of the movement was familiar, so I guessed I’d be able to figure it out.
I have to say, my trainer, Chris, was excellent. There was quite a bit of rust to be knocked off to begin with, but he broke down the movements in a way that had never been done for me before. The coaches I have worked with in the past would be well served to spend a day with him, and learn how to teach the movements. I am confident that had I ever been instructed in this manner, I would have been putting up a hell of a lot more weight. I’m looking forward to getting my strength back and putting up personal bests 10 years past my playing days.
And while I quickly picked up on the corrections being made to my rusty form, I was shocked at how I was already tiring just moving a wooden dowel and a 45lb bar. I knew coming in that getting my wind back would be one of the hardest parts of the process, but this was nuts.
Then things went wrong. While I put the dowels back, and grabbed some water, Chris consulted with Zeke on what workout I would be doing today. Apparently Zeke hates me already, because his answer was “Fight Gone Bad”.
Yeah, this was the workout that had originally peaked my interest in CrossFit, but my mind screamed “I’m not ready”. Chris reassured me that it would only be 2 rounds, not the prescribed 5. But the damage was done. I tried to put on a good face, and aggressively attack the workout, but it had already defeated me mentally.
Wall Ball was 1st, and I did fairly well, but I was pushing too much with my arms, wasn’t using proper squat form (still need to get that base wider) and I think I was set up too far from the wall (based on watching a video of FGB online to explain to my wife why I was swimming in sweat when I got home).
That was the only positive of the 12 minute workout. Sumo high-pulls were just a sad excuse of going through the motions. My confidence and wind were shot by the time I addressed the box jumps, and only managed some half hearted step-ups. Push press would have been adequate, had it been the 5th round of FGB, not the 1st. And rowing was yet another example of me going through the motions as I gasped for air.
Round 2 made round 1 look inspired. This would have be bad enough, but then came the last 30 seconds of the workout when I went back on the attack on the rows. I put more heart and effort into that last 30 seconds than I had the previous 11 ½ minutes. Prompting Chris to exclaim “where did that come from?”
I was too winded to reply, but deep down I knew. It came from me getting pissed off at myself. Not because I had failed to do the workout, but because I had failed to give it everything I had. There had been plenty of times during the workout that I felt that I could puke, but rather than pushing through that feeling, or puking and rallying (a gift of mine according to my old drinking buddies) I had caved.
If there is one thing that I can take from day 2, it is that I completely overlooked one area that needed serious work. I knew that when it came to endurance and flexibility I was woefully unprepared. I knew that my strength had waned, but had faith in muscle memory helping me through. I had no idea the depths that my mind had slipped.
Looking back at the years of excuses, and the way I quickly faltered in workout #1, I can’t believe I missed this. I have been losing the mental game for years. Pushing through has been getting it’s ass handed to it by rolling over.
I have met the enemy, and it is me.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Fat Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life, So I'm trying to lose weight
I am fat and out of shape. I know this, anyone who knows me knows this. It was only Seven short years ago that I was a gym rat and working my body fat down towards 10%. I was in the gym up to 6 days a week, and loved every minute of it.
I moved, I got married, my gym partner relocated to Texas and I started finding excuses not to hit the gym, rather than finding excuses to get there.
It has gotten bad. My brother has expressed to me his concern about my health. My wife noted how I physically looked like my Father, almost 30 years my senior, in a recent photo. At least once a month my mother asks if I had started to work out again…yet.
So here it goes. I am going to document my attempts to get back into some sort of shape.
I am 6’2”, 250 lbs, the majority of which resides around my midsection. If I had to guess I would peg my bodyfat at close to 28% (I will find a way to get this measured to make this more accurate).
About a year ago I first heard of CrossFit. I saw a post about their yearly fundraiser called Fight Gone Bad and was intrigued. Where most people I know looked at the combination of box jumps, rowing, wall ball, sumo high pulls and push press and want to vomit, I looked at them and said, Damn, those are the things I used to love to do, because they make me want to vomit.
Of course I quickly fell into my excuse making habits. I wasn’t in good enough shape to do that program, so I did start going to the gym for a little while. Until I found my next excuse, the nearest Crossfit gym would require me to double my daily commute. And so I slowly stopped going to the gym.
Well last week I finally had enough. I had told myself that I would start running, doing push-ups and sit-ups and using the chin-up bar in the garage once I moved to Wilmington to get ready to go to the CrossFit gym that is less than a mile from my house. And after a month, none of that had happened.
So, pissed at myself, I made the call to CrossFit Coastal and signed up for their Saturday open gym. And I got my ass kicked.
Sure I was pleasantly surprised that I could put together 2 pull-ups in a row. Too bad the warm-up called for 3 sets of 5. Forget the sit-ups, my gut just gets in the way. Run 200 yards once, OK, three times. I am a pathetic excuse for a man.
Then there was the actual workout. I felt pretty good about my chances with the push press, some modified pull-ups might get me through that, then a 200 yard run/jog. Well there was a rest period while my teammate went through the same progression. I can do this.
No I couldn’t, the press was fine, the pull ups, not so great, then I set out at a run and completely gassed myself within the 1st 100 yards. There was no coming back for me. I dropped the weight on the press and did my best not to puke for the next 15 minutes.
I knew I was in bad shape, but I had no idea how bad. Everything from the stretching to the breaking down of the weights at the end was torture. But a funny thing happened.
Others doing the workout, who had never met me before encouraged me as they ran past my stumbling mass. My workout partner cheered me through each transition (sorry about truncating your workout Gabs.) And once I finally caught my breath I felt good about myself.
Not in a, yeah you are in shape way, but in a you finally are addressing the problem way. My entire body was trashed, I felt like I had just gone through the 1st padded practice of 2-a-days. And I found that I had missed that feeling.
So, despite the fact that I am still sore from what is called a light workout on Saturday, I am headed back tonight. And I am looking forward to getting my ass kicked again.
I moved, I got married, my gym partner relocated to Texas and I started finding excuses not to hit the gym, rather than finding excuses to get there.
It has gotten bad. My brother has expressed to me his concern about my health. My wife noted how I physically looked like my Father, almost 30 years my senior, in a recent photo. At least once a month my mother asks if I had started to work out again…yet.
So here it goes. I am going to document my attempts to get back into some sort of shape.
I am 6’2”, 250 lbs, the majority of which resides around my midsection. If I had to guess I would peg my bodyfat at close to 28% (I will find a way to get this measured to make this more accurate).
About a year ago I first heard of CrossFit. I saw a post about their yearly fundraiser called Fight Gone Bad and was intrigued. Where most people I know looked at the combination of box jumps, rowing, wall ball, sumo high pulls and push press and want to vomit, I looked at them and said, Damn, those are the things I used to love to do, because they make me want to vomit.
Of course I quickly fell into my excuse making habits. I wasn’t in good enough shape to do that program, so I did start going to the gym for a little while. Until I found my next excuse, the nearest Crossfit gym would require me to double my daily commute. And so I slowly stopped going to the gym.
Well last week I finally had enough. I had told myself that I would start running, doing push-ups and sit-ups and using the chin-up bar in the garage once I moved to Wilmington to get ready to go to the CrossFit gym that is less than a mile from my house. And after a month, none of that had happened.
So, pissed at myself, I made the call to CrossFit Coastal and signed up for their Saturday open gym. And I got my ass kicked.
Sure I was pleasantly surprised that I could put together 2 pull-ups in a row. Too bad the warm-up called for 3 sets of 5. Forget the sit-ups, my gut just gets in the way. Run 200 yards once, OK, three times. I am a pathetic excuse for a man.
Then there was the actual workout. I felt pretty good about my chances with the push press, some modified pull-ups might get me through that, then a 200 yard run/jog. Well there was a rest period while my teammate went through the same progression. I can do this.
No I couldn’t, the press was fine, the pull ups, not so great, then I set out at a run and completely gassed myself within the 1st 100 yards. There was no coming back for me. I dropped the weight on the press and did my best not to puke for the next 15 minutes.
I knew I was in bad shape, but I had no idea how bad. Everything from the stretching to the breaking down of the weights at the end was torture. But a funny thing happened.
Others doing the workout, who had never met me before encouraged me as they ran past my stumbling mass. My workout partner cheered me through each transition (sorry about truncating your workout Gabs.) And once I finally caught my breath I felt good about myself.
Not in a, yeah you are in shape way, but in a you finally are addressing the problem way. My entire body was trashed, I felt like I had just gone through the 1st padded practice of 2-a-days. And I found that I had missed that feeling.
So, despite the fact that I am still sore from what is called a light workout on Saturday, I am headed back tonight. And I am looking forward to getting my ass kicked again.
Week 2 Thoughts
I keep meaning to write posts for this damn blog. But life gets busy. I mean I started a series of posts on why the Raiders would go 16-0. And it would have had me looking like Nostradamus, had Vince Young imploded and been benched one week earlier. But the series remains on my flash drive, seen only by me.
So lets keep things short and simple. I want to write about 2 things, the Raiders and my attempts to get back into shape. So this post will concentrate on the former, and hopefully my next post will be on the later.
The win vs. St. Louis.
1 – Thank god for Jason Campbell
I know this goes squarely against the grain of the general consensus of Raider fans right now. But, had the Raiders not swung the trade for Campbell, I have to believe that JaMarcus would have been the Raiders starter going into week 2. (Remember Grads missed most of the offseason and the start of camp with a torn pec). Even if Grads had started against the Titans, I have trouble believing he would have made it out of that game healthy. Meaning that we would have been treated to the return of JaMarcus to Oakland yesterday. Thanks for the win Jason.
2 – Tom Cable is ahead of the curve on the Oline
Once again, this will be greeted with a collective WTF by the majority of Raider fans. But hear me out. There are two areas of an NFL team where the players have not become specialized. The quarterback (with the exception of teams running a Wildcat) and the offensive line. I believe that within the next 5 years, we will see specialist on the offensive line. Long yardage tackles, who specialize at pass blocking, but suck at run blocking. And their short yardage counterparts.
Lets face it, Mario Henderson is truly lacking when it comes to pass blocking, but has shown beastly flashes in the run game. If Veldheer can come into his own as a pass blocker, the platoon at LT could be a reality in Oakland.
Would it be better to have an Ogden or Jones at LT who can do it all, sure, but those guys are so rare, I think that the reality of the NFL will soon require platoons where possible on the line.
Veldehere is an intriguing prospect to start this movement with in Oakland. He represents a signifigant upgrade at center in run blocking, but has trouble with the blitz pick-up, especially in pass-pro. He is at least Henderson’s equal at pass blocking right now, at that is with three years less experience and a DII background.
Bruce Cambell is equally intriguing in this manner. He could be a great pulling guard, but his body says OT. Right now he is backing up at RG, but the day could soon come that he is a part of the right side rotation.
The key is getting both of these players up to par at multiple positions. Which is at least a season away. But looking forward to next season:
Base/Run downs:
Henderson, Gallery, Veldheer, Campbell, Walker
Pass Situations
Veldheer, Gallery, Satele, TBD, Campbell
Not a complete picture, but don’t be surprised when you start seeing specialists on the line. And don’t be surprised if the substitutions become more frequent in Oakland as the season progresses.
3 – Raiders Busting out all over
Some Raiders that have had the bust lable attached to them seem to be coming into their own.
Darren McFadden has looked like an NFL running back two weeks in a row. His vision is still questionable, and he takes too long to get up to top speed. But he is finally running hard and not falling at 1st contact. A huge improvement.
Darrius Hayward-Bey is catching balls, not the deep home-run ball we all hoped for. But he seems to be running better routs and getting open. And when the quarterback hits him in stride, the next hit isn’t the ball meeting the ground.
Stanford Routt only took five seasons, but he is playing well at the target corner across from Asomugha. Sure he isn’t perfect, but he looks like a player (and ignore those who claim he got burnt on that long Tennessee TD, that was a zone and he was the only one who recognized the coverage bust, that is why he was the only guy near the ball).
Michael Huff has looked like a decent safety so far this season. The preseason looked like more of the same, but I can’t fault a safety who is repeatedly the 1st guy to the running back after the front 7 falls flat on their face. Decent isn’t all-pro, but if the front 7 can continue to apply pressure, he could shed the Fluff label.
4 – Gradkowski just gets it done
But there is more to it than the team getting a spark from Grads. The playcalling was appreciably different with Grads, shorter routs, more timing, more taking what was there than trying to force things.
So what is the difference, I think it is the coaches putting too much stock into what they see in practice. I think Campbell is much more confident with that Red Jersey on, and who wouldn’t be behind Oakland’s O-line. That goes to shit once the real bullets start flying.
Gradkowski is equally limited in practice and in the game. Meaning that the gameplan based on what he shows in practice matches what he produces Sunday. It isn’t pretty, but it is effective.
5 – Get healthy soon
Gallery, Bush, Seymore and Schilens all should be major contributors to this team. And if the Raiders want to have any hope of 8-8 they need to be on the field. The Raiders stand a chance without them against a pathetic Arizona squad this week. But need at least Gallery and Seymore back to have a prayer against Houston.
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