Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
Shortly after Parcells and S left, the server showed up with Romeo’s meal. While the smell of the fried chicken made me hungry, the sight of one man inhaling 4 chickens in a 10-minute period, only stopping twice as he choked on a bone he inadvertently swallowed, made me quickly loose any interest in food.
With Romeo finished, I tried to turn the conversation back to the combine.
Brick – So Romeo, what is your biggest regret draft wise over the course of your career?
Romeo – Other than letting that fat sack of shit Charlie the whale talk me into suggesting to our draft team that we trade back into the 1st round to take Brady Quinn last year. I mean look at the kid, he spends his time touching other guys, or dancing onstage with cockrockers like Poison. Now Fat Fuck Charlie sees that his precious butt fuckin Irish are going to collapse and he needs a 1st round QB on the resume so that he can get some recruits And now he expects me to bail him out and take his little bitch in the 1st round of the NFL draft. That faggot ass bullshit may have flown at a fairy factory like Notre Dame, but in Cleveland, that shit don’t fly.
Brick – Common Poison ain't that bad.
Romeo – Well sure, they had some catchy songs, but to dance with Brett Michaels, you have to admit, that looks like you like to bite pillows.
Brick – Not that there is anything wrong with that…
Romeo – (laughing) no nothing wrong with that… unless it’s true.
Brick – OK then, how about we talk about this year’s draft, now that we know what the Dolphins are going to do, what do you think of St. Louis.
Romeo – Maybe you should ask him.
Brick – Him who?
Romeo points under adjacent table where a man is cowering.
Brick – Are you Mark Bulger?
Man – Are you a defensive end or lineman, or perhaps a blitzing corner.
Brick – No
Man – are there any defensive ends, lineman or blitzing corners in the room.
Romeo – I can assure you that there are not.
Man – Could you please go check outside and make sure that there are no defensive ends, lineman and linebackers that look hungry on on the street and thinking of coming in here.
Humoring the man, I get up, go to the door, look outside and come back to my seat.
Brick – Nope, no defensive players running loose on the Street.
Man – Ok, if you promise not to tell anyone I’m here, I’ll tell you my name.
Brick & Romeo – we promise
Man – You were right, I am Mark Bulger. (Cautiously looking around, Mark climbs out from under the table and sits down at our table).
Brick – How long were you hiding under there.
Romeo – He followed the waiter in when they brought the chicken. He was under his apron.
Bulger – Shut up, you can’t give away my hiding spots.
Waiter comes over
Waiter – anything else I can get you gentleman.
Bulger – get me a shot of scotch, I need to calm my nerves.
Romeo – how about a salad with blue cheese, extra blue cheese on the side.
Brick – nothing thanks, So Mark, who would you like to see the Rams draft.
Bulger – Are you kidding me, who the fuck do you think I want them to draft. I’ve taken more sacks in the last year than …(waiter puts shot glass down on table, Mark downs shot and motions for waiter to keep them coming). What was I talking about?
Romeo – Do you even know where you are?
Bulger – last thing I remember is getting on a plane to Tampa Bay.
Brick – you mean for your game in week 3?
Bulger – Ok so I do remember some things since then, mostly pain. And I have no clue how I ended up here, oh good another shot (waiter shows up with another shot and Romeo’s salad, Bulger takes shot glass from waiter and downs it).
Brick – This is going nowhere (much like this blog)
Bulger – did you say Blog, I hate bloggers.
Romeo – No he didn’t say blog, that’s just something the editor put in. He doesn’t even read blogs.
Bulger – OK
Brick – back to the draft, who do you, want to see the Rams take, I’ve seen a lot of places say Chris Long, or Dorsey, but for my Mock-draft he is already gone.
Bulger – Fuck no I don’t want Chris Long; there are all ready too many DE’s out there. I don’t want one on my team who can actually hit me in practice. Its bad enough that Carriker tries, we can’t afford two guys who can play on the D-line.
Brick – Wouldn’t that help your team to have two legit D-linemen?
Bulger – Team, TEAM… who cares about the team, I got paid last year, I need to survive another couple years until I retire. We had better draft someone who can protect my ass (takes another shot) Waiter, make the next one a double. What was I saying?
Romeo – Hey there, is that Dwight Freeny?
Bulger screams like a little girl, jumps back under the table. Romeo laughs so hard that blue cheese squirts out his nose. I’m not sure that he even had eaten any salad yet; I think he was just drinking the blue cheese on the side.
Brick – God damn it Romeo, don’t do that. Common out Mark, Freeny isn’t here.
Bulger – where are we.
Romeo – Indianapolis
Bulger – than how do you know that Freeny isn’t here.
Brick – look around, there are no Defensive ends in here.
Bulger – yeah, but he may be in town. You don’t know for sure, you can’t offer me any protection. Nobody has given me any protection since Orlando died.
Brick – Orlando isn’t dead, he is just injured, and he may play another year.
Waiter shows back up with double shot, looks confused, I point under the table, waiter rolls his eyes and hands the shot glass to Bulger, who quickly downs it and crawls back under the waiters apron.
Bulger – Orlando may not be dead, but he is dead to me, unless he gets his fat ass back on the field, I need protection.
With that, the waiter leaves with Bulger crawling after him.
Brick – So I guess I should pencil in Jake Long for St. Louis.
Romeo – it worked for us last year, might as well put the Big 10 tackle in the 2 spot. The Rams aren’t going to keep him or Steven Jackson on the field unless they upgrade their protection.
Brick – You make a good point Romeo, and you still have a drop of blue cheese hanging off your nose. But if you are going to put it back in your mouth, please wait for me to turn my head.
Romeo – What, you expect me to wipe it on my napkin, that’s wasting good blue cheese, I ain’t no sucka.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan