Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
While Romeo was engaged in small talk with Millen and Marinelli I choked down my sandwich as fast as I could. Just as I finished Romeo sat down.
Romeo – you really shouldn’t eat that way. You’ll give yourself heartburn.
Brick – I know, but damn I was hungry.
Romeo – I guess this means you don’t want the sub I got you.
Brick – Thanks but no, I though you had some work to do.
Romeo – Oh, it really wasn’t work, I just went and sat in the stands long enough to get on TV, that way nobody can say I wasn’t there.
Brick – good thinking
Romeo – naw, that’s an old trick, it took me longer to decide what to get at Subway.
Brick – Ham?
Romeo – damn straight.
Romeo then proceeded to take out his subs and stuff his face.
Romeo (between bites) – you know this is the one thing that Quinn got right; Subway is delicious.
It wasn’t long after Romeo finished his subs and ordered a diet coke that Ken Whisenhunt joined us. Apparently he and Romeo are old friends. After introductions I started in with my standard line of questioning.
Brick – So Mr. Whisenhunt, who is going to be the starting QB in Arizona this season.
Whisenhunt – Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place, I have the god squader or Hollywood. One guy spends every meeting trying to get me to go with him and his zombie wife to church, the other one comes in hung over everyday after trying to get into Paris Hiltons pants. What kind of looser can’t fuck Paris Hilton?
Brick – Sounds like you’ve got it tough in Arizona.
Whisenhunt – Yeh, it sucks, I never thought I’d miss that idiot Ben, but at least Brady Quinn isn’t on the team.
Whisenhunt and I laugh, Romeo sulks and steals my fries.
Romeo – fuck both of you, you weren’t going to eat these anyway.
Brick – Are you going to be active in FA? I know you have a problem with Fitzgerald’s contract tieing things up.
Whisenhunt – Hopefuly he is willing to rework things. I’d really like to bring in ____ and resign our guys. If not it could set us back a year.
Romeo – You know that Fitz ain’t going to rework that deal, nobody wants to stay in Arizona.
Whisenhunt – I think we are really starting to turn the attitude around so that guys will want to stay there. We could make an impact with the right moves this offseason.
Brick – They have been saying that about Arizona for years now.
Romeo – No shit, every fuckin year some asshole writer picks Arizona to go to the playoffs.
Whisenhunt – OK, fuck it, its not like we are on the record here. Arizona sucks, management is a bunch of fucking buffoons. Up and down the roster you might as well just write overpaid, old or bust. We have more money tied up in out #1 WR than most teams have in their QB. Our QB’s are limp wristed pansies. Our offensive line is a bunch of fat faggots, and where should I start on D, since none of them should be starting in the NFL. I go home and cry myself to sleep every fucking night just hoping that somebody puts me out of my misery.
Brick – Damn, you sound like you are about to go postal.
Whisenhunt – You know that wouldn’t be a bad idea with this fucking team.
Brick – OK, you are starting to scare me, how about the draft, there has to be someone there who can help you.
Whisenhunt – where we draft… fuck there ain’t going to be anyone left worth two shits. We are going to have to reach and overpay some slob. Which just means more of the same in Arizona. Scrubs making big time money.
Brick – well you are set at WR and QB so I’ll cross them off the list. It’s too high to take any of the olineman who are left. How about a pass rusher or a cornerback?
Whisenhunt – ok smart guy, who do you have in mind.
Brick – well Derrick Harvey should still be there, he is the kind of guy that Pittsburgh has had luck with by standing him up and playing him at rush LB.
Whisenhunt – I’m listening
Brick - Leodis McKelvin is a little small, but has some raw talent at CB
Whisenhunt – I don’t like the way he tackles
Brick - Aqib Talib is a bigger CB, but not as good in coverage.
Whisenhunt – better, but option 1 is still the best thing you’ve given me.
Brick – OK, so you have Harvey, Quentin Groves or Calais Campbell all in the same mold at DE.
Whisenhunt – now you see why I’m so pissed, you haven’t name one guy who really knocks my socks off. I would be happy with any of the guys you have named… in round 2.
Brick – Damn, you are making this hard. Would you reach for a lineman like Jeff Otah?
Whisenhunt – If we were starting a competitive eating team but I already have a fat OT that eats more than Romeo.
Romeo (between bites of French fries) you’re not that skinny yourself.
Brick – Well we are running out of options here, Felix Jones is still around, but he really isn’t the kind of power back you prefer, and its too early for Fred Davis.
Whisenhunt – You know what, I though I was depressed when I came in here. So I’m going to end this now. Put me down for Harvey, I think I can work with him. Any of those other guys and I’m headed to Ed Harts gun supply and stocking up on AK-47 rounds.
Brick – well thanks for your time Mr. Whisenhunt, and good luck to you this season.
Whisenhunt – Go fuck yourself
With that, Whisenhunt got up and left.
Brick – damn, that guy is on the edge.
Romeo – don’t worry about it, he’ll just hate fuck some cheap whore tonight and be fine in the morning.
Brick – sometimes I wish you would just not add anything.
Romeo – Would you rather he came back and shot up the place fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
11. Buffalo Bills – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
12. Denver Broncos - Kenny Philips, S, Miami
13. Carolina Panthers – D. Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tenn. St
14. Chicago Bears - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
15. Detroit Lions - Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon
16. Arizona Cardinals - Derrick Harvey, DE/LB - Florida
Showing posts with label Romeo eats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Romeo eats. Show all posts
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - Bengals, Mugging Marvin
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
With Romeo entering the Steak and Shake, I got my food to go and ordered an extra milkshake. I distracted Romeo with the Milkshake and left before I lost my appetite again. Back in my hotel room I looked over my notes and felt pretty good. On the 1st day in Indy I managed to get a hold of the top 8 teams. The bar I selected seemed like a winner.
The next morning I walked into the bar at about 10:30. The place was still a mess from the night before. The staff was hurrying around trying to get the place back in order before the lunch rush. I got my recording equipment back in order, but in doing so got some nasty shit on my hands. When I went into the bathroom to wash up I got my 1st surprise of Day 2.
Walking by the 2nd stall on my way to the sink, I saw a man passed out and just coming to.
Brick – Are you all right?
Man – (with face in hands) Uhhhnnnn, last thing I remember is telling Travis that I was heading out with him tonight to keep him out of trouble. What time is it?
Brick – about 11am.
Man – Oh shoot, I’ve been here all night, and the workouts are about to start.
Brick – So you are here for the combine.
Marvin Lewis (looking up) – yeah, I’m head coach of the Bengals.
Brick – Oh shit, I recognize you, can you get up.
Lewis – Yeah, my head feels like heck, I think I got mugged. Dang, my wallet is gone.
Brick – Common, I’ll buy you a coffee.
I went over to the sink and washed my hands, Marvin washed his face, staring blankly into the mirror. The two of us then went back out to the bar, where you know who was waiting for us.
Romeo – Marvin, looks like you went out with the boys again last night. Don’t you ever learn.
Marvin – I thought it would be different this time. I thought that if I went out with Chris, Chad, Odell, and J.J. there wouldn’t be any trouble.
Romeo – Let me guess, your wallet is missing…again.
Marvin – Yeah, but at least I still have my cell phone. (Marvin takes out phone, hits 1 on speed dial)
Marvin – Amex, yeah its me Marvin again. Good, how are the kids. So what charges did I incur last night. No, I wasn’t at the eager beaver, no I didn’t pay $10,000.00 to mikes bail bonds, No I didn’t buy a water pipe. That’s it; well I guess they did behave themselves last night. Thanks.
Marvin – Well that went better than expected.
Waiter comes over with coffee, 3 diet cokes and two bacon egg and cheese sandwiches. Puts coffee in front of Marvin, the rest goes to Romeo.
Waiter – Mr. Lewis, good to see you again. Looks like you went out with the guys last night.
Marvin – yeah, those crazy rascals. Always leaving me in the bathroom. That’s why I like Indy, in Cincinnati someone would have pissed on me, here in Indy everyone is so polite, I just have some puke on the back of my shirt.
Waiter – the guys said you would be picking up the tab this morning. (Hands him check).
Marvin – Wow, $8,034.43, they are really maturing, this even includes damages, I paid at least twice this last year.
Waiter – yeah, and only 1 reported rape last night, you are really turning that team around.
Marvin – It just takes a little tough love, and a strong belief in God.
Brick – So Marvin, did you see anyone impressive yesterday at the combine?
Romeo – Hey, you’re the fool you was suppose to buy me lunch yesterday.
Brick – Remember I bought you a milkshake last night.
Romeo – Oh yeah, I do like milkshakes.
Marvin – There are some fine young men in this year’s draft. Did you know that Darren McFadden only has 4 children out of wedlock, and 2 priors at nightclubs, that young man has his head on straight.
Brick – I can see how he would be a good fit, but I think he is going to be a Falcon.
Marvin – That makes sense, there is an organization that values character individuals. They really have their act together. So it sounds like you have some idea as to whom the teams ahead of us are taking. Mind if I take a look at the list?
I passed over my mock draft and my list of players still available. Marvin took a quick look.
Marvin – I see you have heights, weights and 40 times listed here, but no information on the guys character. You really need some more information in order to make a good decision as to whom to draft. I see you still have Sedric Ellis and Keith Rivers available. Either one of those young men could shore up the middle of my defense.
Brick – So any preference?
Marvin – well you just can’t go wrong with a player from USC. That program produces some real quality individuals. We drafted Frostee Rucker from USC and he has produced just as expected. But I think we need more help at LB than at DL. I mean I had Dhani Jones on the squad last year. There was just no getting through to him, such a waste.
Brick – So I should put you down for Keith Rivers.
Marvin – Well, I do need to perform a thorough background check, but he seems like a winner to me. Thanks for the coffee, I need to get back over to the combine.
Brick – Shouldn’t you go change first, you do have puke on you.
Marvin – Oh, no. I’m sure those rascals went back to my room last night since they had my wallet. These are the only clothes I have left.
Brick – Well good luck to you.
Marvin – And may god be with the two of you, especially you Romeo, you do know that god hates fags, like Quinn.
Romeo – I hate him too.
Marvin then left the bar, limping noticeably.
Romeo – glad I don’t have to sit next to that stinky fool for the next 3 days.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
With Romeo entering the Steak and Shake, I got my food to go and ordered an extra milkshake. I distracted Romeo with the Milkshake and left before I lost my appetite again. Back in my hotel room I looked over my notes and felt pretty good. On the 1st day in Indy I managed to get a hold of the top 8 teams. The bar I selected seemed like a winner.
The next morning I walked into the bar at about 10:30. The place was still a mess from the night before. The staff was hurrying around trying to get the place back in order before the lunch rush. I got my recording equipment back in order, but in doing so got some nasty shit on my hands. When I went into the bathroom to wash up I got my 1st surprise of Day 2.
Walking by the 2nd stall on my way to the sink, I saw a man passed out and just coming to.
Brick – Are you all right?
Man – (with face in hands) Uhhhnnnn, last thing I remember is telling Travis that I was heading out with him tonight to keep him out of trouble. What time is it?
Brick – about 11am.
Man – Oh shoot, I’ve been here all night, and the workouts are about to start.
Brick – So you are here for the combine.
Marvin Lewis (looking up) – yeah, I’m head coach of the Bengals.
Brick – Oh shit, I recognize you, can you get up.
Lewis – Yeah, my head feels like heck, I think I got mugged. Dang, my wallet is gone.
Brick – Common, I’ll buy you a coffee.
I went over to the sink and washed my hands, Marvin washed his face, staring blankly into the mirror. The two of us then went back out to the bar, where you know who was waiting for us.
Romeo – Marvin, looks like you went out with the boys again last night. Don’t you ever learn.
Marvin – I thought it would be different this time. I thought that if I went out with Chris, Chad, Odell, and J.J. there wouldn’t be any trouble.
Romeo – Let me guess, your wallet is missing…again.
Marvin – Yeah, but at least I still have my cell phone. (Marvin takes out phone, hits 1 on speed dial)
Marvin – Amex, yeah its me Marvin again. Good, how are the kids. So what charges did I incur last night. No, I wasn’t at the eager beaver, no I didn’t pay $10,000.00 to mikes bail bonds, No I didn’t buy a water pipe. That’s it; well I guess they did behave themselves last night. Thanks.
Marvin – Well that went better than expected.
Waiter comes over with coffee, 3 diet cokes and two bacon egg and cheese sandwiches. Puts coffee in front of Marvin, the rest goes to Romeo.
Waiter – Mr. Lewis, good to see you again. Looks like you went out with the guys last night.
Marvin – yeah, those crazy rascals. Always leaving me in the bathroom. That’s why I like Indy, in Cincinnati someone would have pissed on me, here in Indy everyone is so polite, I just have some puke on the back of my shirt.
Waiter – the guys said you would be picking up the tab this morning. (Hands him check).
Marvin – Wow, $8,034.43, they are really maturing, this even includes damages, I paid at least twice this last year.
Waiter – yeah, and only 1 reported rape last night, you are really turning that team around.
Marvin – It just takes a little tough love, and a strong belief in God.
Brick – So Marvin, did you see anyone impressive yesterday at the combine?
Romeo – Hey, you’re the fool you was suppose to buy me lunch yesterday.
Brick – Remember I bought you a milkshake last night.
Romeo – Oh yeah, I do like milkshakes.
Marvin – There are some fine young men in this year’s draft. Did you know that Darren McFadden only has 4 children out of wedlock, and 2 priors at nightclubs, that young man has his head on straight.
Brick – I can see how he would be a good fit, but I think he is going to be a Falcon.
Marvin – That makes sense, there is an organization that values character individuals. They really have their act together. So it sounds like you have some idea as to whom the teams ahead of us are taking. Mind if I take a look at the list?
I passed over my mock draft and my list of players still available. Marvin took a quick look.
Marvin – I see you have heights, weights and 40 times listed here, but no information on the guys character. You really need some more information in order to make a good decision as to whom to draft. I see you still have Sedric Ellis and Keith Rivers available. Either one of those young men could shore up the middle of my defense.
Brick – So any preference?
Marvin – well you just can’t go wrong with a player from USC. That program produces some real quality individuals. We drafted Frostee Rucker from USC and he has produced just as expected. But I think we need more help at LB than at DL. I mean I had Dhani Jones on the squad last year. There was just no getting through to him, such a waste.
Brick – So I should put you down for Keith Rivers.
Marvin – Well, I do need to perform a thorough background check, but he seems like a winner to me. Thanks for the coffee, I need to get back over to the combine.
Brick – Shouldn’t you go change first, you do have puke on you.
Marvin – Oh, no. I’m sure those rascals went back to my room last night since they had my wallet. These are the only clothes I have left.
Brick – Well good luck to you.
Marvin – And may god be with the two of you, especially you Romeo, you do know that god hates fags, like Quinn.
Romeo – I hate him too.
Marvin then left the bar, limping noticeably.
Romeo – glad I don’t have to sit next to that stinky fool for the next 3 days.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - NY Jets - Mangini Mangina
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
Watching Romeo eat his 3rd footlong sub while inhaling buffalo wings got me to thinking, what the fuck am I doing here. I mean really, I don’t get paid for this, Indy sucks, and now I’m not sure I’ll ever eat a wing again without gagging.
Brick – Bartender, I need another Jack.
Romeo – slow down hoss, chances are a few more guys will show up today, and you don’t want to puke on someone’s shoes.
Brick – Yeah, whatever. So it sounds like you got some good news and Derrick Anderson is close to resigning.
Romeo – HORSE BALLS, that kid has lucked into the greatest situation in his life. His only competition is out dancing with Brett Michaels while wearing hot pants. Fuckin tooty frooty bitch.
Brick – well you are building a nice offense around those guys.
Romeo – oh sure, we got Braylon “TO wannabe” Edwards playing only when he wants. Mr. Soldier at TE has worse knees than him old man right now. I ain’t ever seen a grown man cry as much as him. You tell him he cut off his rout too early in the film room and he balls like a bitch for 15 minutes. “I’m a soldier, I’m a soldier, I have bad knees…WHAAAAA. But yeah, other than that we have a good Oline and a back ready to break down any minute. Sounds good compared to out Defense.
Chubby White Guy – Romeo, why am I not stunned to see you here padding your innards with copious amounts of rations. So who is the sad sap relegated to listening to you bitch.
Romeo – Hello Eric…so nice to see you.
Mangini – Romeo, you tactless heathen, you have failed to invite me to sit or to introduce the man sitting with you. Sir, allow myself to introduce myself. I am Eric Mangini, but you may call me Mangenius or just Genius if you like. You see I am the head coach for the NY Jets. A position I obtained by being the true mastermind behind the Patriots Dynasty. Ask yourself this, How many Super Bowls have they procured since I vacated… so as you don’t labor yourself, I will retort for you. None. This obese clown sitting next to you rode my coattails to a cushy head coaching job in Cleveland. I will give him some credit, as he did know that he had not the coaching acumen to accept a job in the principal market in the US, unlike me. For I am a man with football erudition on par with the all time greats.
Romeo – What was your record last year?
Mangini – you simple minded fool, you could never grasp the brilliance of the moves I made last year. I have positioned the NY Jets to become the Franchise of the ages. Behind my indisputable, incomparable intellect we will soon go down in the annals as the Greatest team of all time.
Romeo – Other than pissing off Belichick, I can’t think of one thing you did that stood out all year.
Mangini – Oh Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou’s brain. (Turning to me) See what I did there, quoting the bard, our latter-day Romeo here could never appreciate something as highbrow as Shakespear. (Back to Crenell) Of course you can’t think of anything, you exhibit the mental characteristics of one who is missing a chromosome. My moves were so profound as scholars will universally praise their genius for years, but my curse is that the common man, or ape as in your case, will never truly comprehend.
Romeo – Who you callin Ape you little cracker.
Mangini – Please Romeo, calm yourself. Waiter, please bring this man a slice of cheesecake.
Romeo – I do like cheesecake.
Mangini – Of course you do my portly friend. We both know full well that during our time together in New England, I need only put some sustenance in front of you for the 4 quarters of the game, and I was free to work my magic. Truly Romeo, you were the easiest supervisor to usurp that I have ever encountered.
Brick – Mr. Mangini, who has caught your eye here in Indy.
Mangini – Oh, so the other man at the table does have a voice. Good sir, please address me as I have requested. You are in the presence of greatness; a privilege extended to a select few. Do not squander such a blessing.
Brick – Fine, Mr. Mangenius, any players catch your eye here at the combine?
Mangini – Mangenius, ah yes, my aptly endowed nickname, I do love the sound of it. As for the players here at the combine, I have encountered a couple that intrigue me. Of course I normally would not share this information when seated next to a fellow coach, but as the Simpleton next to me allowed himself to succumb to the Siren call of his fellow beluga coaches former prodigy, he has no selection in the opening round, and could not use the information I have, even if he could comprehend it.
Romeo – What the fuck did he just say?
Brick – that you don’t have a 1st round pick since you took Wies’s boy Quinn.
Romeo – Oh, I hate that queer.
Mangini – See Romeo, its not hard to understand if you pay attention, but I would wager you were distracted by that cheesecake being produced from the kitchen.
Romeo (now drooling) That cheesecake does look good.
The waiter arrives at the table and puts the cheesecake down in front of Romeo, who begins to shovel it into his mouth.
Mangini – Waiter, please bring my friend here a second piece, the 1st is not long for this sphere, and surely will not be enough to satisfy his gluttonous desires. In fact bring two more in order to sate this brute.
Brick – about the draft…
Mangini – patience good sir, the type of information I am about to bestow upon you cannot be rushed. You see I have evaluated the talent here, and, thanks to my superior intellect, have ascertained an insight that all others lack. An insight, which I shall bestow unto you. An insight, which holds the key to unlocking the Jets supremacy.
Brick – Ok, so who are you targeting?
Mangini – Mr. Mangenius, so whom are you targeting? Please, good sir, I was beginning to believe that you were capable of holding a brief conversation with one of my stature, please try to refrain from not properly addressing me or using improper grammar in my presence. You would be well served to mind your P’s & Q’s with me.
Brick – So, Mr. Mangenius, whom are you targeting?
Mangini – You are an impatient one aren’t you. I had such high hopes for your intellect after you translated my musings into oaf for our brauntosaurian tablemate, but I see that you lack the fortitude to persevere and obtain enlightenment. Before I depart I shall share with you what I have ascertained through rigorous inquiry. The sole competitor whom can beget the ascension of the Jets to greatness is a young man from the deep south, from an institution represented by swine. That is right, he will go from swine to airline…(takes out notebook writes down swine to airline, closes notebook)… my apologies, I found that phrase tickled me.
Brick – yeah, great, so you like Darren McFadden.
Mangini – Well done good sir, there may be hope for you yet.
Brick – So as the Genius, you feel that a running back that can’t pass block, fumbles all the time, and hasn’t shown any ability to follow a block is the savior for your franchise. I can accept that, but I hate to break it to you, but Mr. Blank has fallen in love with McFadden.
Mangini – Blank…that…that…that ebony enthralled idiot. No matter, my incomparable intellect has prepared me for just such an inconvenience. I will select one with hall of Fame bloodlines, one who can provide a stout base for my defense, a man whose name is lengthy while using few letters…
Brick – Chris Long, sorry but Mr. Davis likes family, Mangini foiled again.
Mangini – What have I told you about addressing me with the proper reverence. So the Nesfaratu of the NFL has his mind set on nepotism. So I am forced to delay my ascension to the pantheon of greatness for a season, but my blueprint leaves me an out. Fortifying my front with a combination of the southern charm of my initial selection and the stoutness of my second, I will select the Bayou Bengal to Bolster my…
Brick – Dorsey right? He won Parcells’ Nathens challenge, sorry but he won’t be there when you select either.
Mangini – Curse you meaningless week 17 win. Its just not fair that one such as I should be forced to settle for scraps when I should be eating filet. I will make the most of an unpalatable situation. The player I will select, lacks intelligence, else he would have gone to a more prestigious institution, but he does seem to have an acceptable athletic acumen. Parcells will rue the day he passed on one so like the key to his prestigious past. I will make a backer out of a buckeye.
Brick – Ok, you can have Vernon Gholston, Mr. Mangina. Now I’ve had too much to drink, and you are giving me a headache. Its only going to take me one more Jack and Coke to get to the point where I punch you in you pompous puss, so please excuse yourself post haste.
Mangini – Heathen, I am sorely disappointed that I misappropriated my precious time pontificated prospective professional performers with one as poorly prepared to converse properly. I bid you a due.
With that Eric Mangini got up and stomped out of the bar in a huff. He reminded me of a toddler who was denied Ice cream. Thankfully Romeo decided to chime in between bites of his 3rd piece of cheesecake.
Romeo – I may not speak pretty, but still…I pity that fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
Watching Romeo eat his 3rd footlong sub while inhaling buffalo wings got me to thinking, what the fuck am I doing here. I mean really, I don’t get paid for this, Indy sucks, and now I’m not sure I’ll ever eat a wing again without gagging.
Brick – Bartender, I need another Jack.
Romeo – slow down hoss, chances are a few more guys will show up today, and you don’t want to puke on someone’s shoes.
Brick – Yeah, whatever. So it sounds like you got some good news and Derrick Anderson is close to resigning.
Romeo – HORSE BALLS, that kid has lucked into the greatest situation in his life. His only competition is out dancing with Brett Michaels while wearing hot pants. Fuckin tooty frooty bitch.
Brick – well you are building a nice offense around those guys.
Romeo – oh sure, we got Braylon “TO wannabe” Edwards playing only when he wants. Mr. Soldier at TE has worse knees than him old man right now. I ain’t ever seen a grown man cry as much as him. You tell him he cut off his rout too early in the film room and he balls like a bitch for 15 minutes. “I’m a soldier, I’m a soldier, I have bad knees…WHAAAAA. But yeah, other than that we have a good Oline and a back ready to break down any minute. Sounds good compared to out Defense.
Chubby White Guy – Romeo, why am I not stunned to see you here padding your innards with copious amounts of rations. So who is the sad sap relegated to listening to you bitch.
Romeo – Hello Eric…so nice to see you.
Mangini – Romeo, you tactless heathen, you have failed to invite me to sit or to introduce the man sitting with you. Sir, allow myself to introduce myself. I am Eric Mangini, but you may call me Mangenius or just Genius if you like. You see I am the head coach for the NY Jets. A position I obtained by being the true mastermind behind the Patriots Dynasty. Ask yourself this, How many Super Bowls have they procured since I vacated… so as you don’t labor yourself, I will retort for you. None. This obese clown sitting next to you rode my coattails to a cushy head coaching job in Cleveland. I will give him some credit, as he did know that he had not the coaching acumen to accept a job in the principal market in the US, unlike me. For I am a man with football erudition on par with the all time greats.
Romeo – What was your record last year?
Mangini – you simple minded fool, you could never grasp the brilliance of the moves I made last year. I have positioned the NY Jets to become the Franchise of the ages. Behind my indisputable, incomparable intellect we will soon go down in the annals as the Greatest team of all time.
Romeo – Other than pissing off Belichick, I can’t think of one thing you did that stood out all year.
Mangini – Oh Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou’s brain. (Turning to me) See what I did there, quoting the bard, our latter-day Romeo here could never appreciate something as highbrow as Shakespear. (Back to Crenell) Of course you can’t think of anything, you exhibit the mental characteristics of one who is missing a chromosome. My moves were so profound as scholars will universally praise their genius for years, but my curse is that the common man, or ape as in your case, will never truly comprehend.
Romeo – Who you callin Ape you little cracker.
Mangini – Please Romeo, calm yourself. Waiter, please bring this man a slice of cheesecake.
Romeo – I do like cheesecake.
Mangini – Of course you do my portly friend. We both know full well that during our time together in New England, I need only put some sustenance in front of you for the 4 quarters of the game, and I was free to work my magic. Truly Romeo, you were the easiest supervisor to usurp that I have ever encountered.
Brick – Mr. Mangini, who has caught your eye here in Indy.
Mangini – Oh, so the other man at the table does have a voice. Good sir, please address me as I have requested. You are in the presence of greatness; a privilege extended to a select few. Do not squander such a blessing.
Brick – Fine, Mr. Mangenius, any players catch your eye here at the combine?
Mangini – Mangenius, ah yes, my aptly endowed nickname, I do love the sound of it. As for the players here at the combine, I have encountered a couple that intrigue me. Of course I normally would not share this information when seated next to a fellow coach, but as the Simpleton next to me allowed himself to succumb to the Siren call of his fellow beluga coaches former prodigy, he has no selection in the opening round, and could not use the information I have, even if he could comprehend it.
Romeo – What the fuck did he just say?
Brick – that you don’t have a 1st round pick since you took Wies’s boy Quinn.
Romeo – Oh, I hate that queer.
Mangini – See Romeo, its not hard to understand if you pay attention, but I would wager you were distracted by that cheesecake being produced from the kitchen.
Romeo (now drooling) That cheesecake does look good.
The waiter arrives at the table and puts the cheesecake down in front of Romeo, who begins to shovel it into his mouth.
Mangini – Waiter, please bring my friend here a second piece, the 1st is not long for this sphere, and surely will not be enough to satisfy his gluttonous desires. In fact bring two more in order to sate this brute.
Brick – about the draft…
Mangini – patience good sir, the type of information I am about to bestow upon you cannot be rushed. You see I have evaluated the talent here, and, thanks to my superior intellect, have ascertained an insight that all others lack. An insight, which I shall bestow unto you. An insight, which holds the key to unlocking the Jets supremacy.
Brick – Ok, so who are you targeting?
Mangini – Mr. Mangenius, so whom are you targeting? Please, good sir, I was beginning to believe that you were capable of holding a brief conversation with one of my stature, please try to refrain from not properly addressing me or using improper grammar in my presence. You would be well served to mind your P’s & Q’s with me.
Brick – So, Mr. Mangenius, whom are you targeting?
Mangini – You are an impatient one aren’t you. I had such high hopes for your intellect after you translated my musings into oaf for our brauntosaurian tablemate, but I see that you lack the fortitude to persevere and obtain enlightenment. Before I depart I shall share with you what I have ascertained through rigorous inquiry. The sole competitor whom can beget the ascension of the Jets to greatness is a young man from the deep south, from an institution represented by swine. That is right, he will go from swine to airline…(takes out notebook writes down swine to airline, closes notebook)… my apologies, I found that phrase tickled me.
Brick – yeah, great, so you like Darren McFadden.
Mangini – Well done good sir, there may be hope for you yet.
Brick – So as the Genius, you feel that a running back that can’t pass block, fumbles all the time, and hasn’t shown any ability to follow a block is the savior for your franchise. I can accept that, but I hate to break it to you, but Mr. Blank has fallen in love with McFadden.
Mangini – Blank…that…that…that ebony enthralled idiot. No matter, my incomparable intellect has prepared me for just such an inconvenience. I will select one with hall of Fame bloodlines, one who can provide a stout base for my defense, a man whose name is lengthy while using few letters…
Brick – Chris Long, sorry but Mr. Davis likes family, Mangini foiled again.
Mangini – What have I told you about addressing me with the proper reverence. So the Nesfaratu of the NFL has his mind set on nepotism. So I am forced to delay my ascension to the pantheon of greatness for a season, but my blueprint leaves me an out. Fortifying my front with a combination of the southern charm of my initial selection and the stoutness of my second, I will select the Bayou Bengal to Bolster my…
Brick – Dorsey right? He won Parcells’ Nathens challenge, sorry but he won’t be there when you select either.
Mangini – Curse you meaningless week 17 win. Its just not fair that one such as I should be forced to settle for scraps when I should be eating filet. I will make the most of an unpalatable situation. The player I will select, lacks intelligence, else he would have gone to a more prestigious institution, but he does seem to have an acceptable athletic acumen. Parcells will rue the day he passed on one so like the key to his prestigious past. I will make a backer out of a buckeye.
Brick – Ok, you can have Vernon Gholston, Mr. Mangina. Now I’ve had too much to drink, and you are giving me a headache. Its only going to take me one more Jack and Coke to get to the point where I punch you in you pompous puss, so please excuse yourself post haste.
Mangini – Heathen, I am sorely disappointed that I misappropriated my precious time pontificated prospective professional performers with one as poorly prepared to converse properly. I bid you a due.
With that Eric Mangini got up and stomped out of the bar in a huff. He reminded me of a toddler who was denied Ice cream. Thankfully Romeo decided to chime in between bites of his 3rd piece of cheesecake.
Romeo – I may not speak pretty, but still…I pity that fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
2008 - Briickinthebox Mock-Draft - KC - The Herm and Larry Show
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
Its fast approaching 4 pm here at an unnamed bar across the street from the RCA Dome. Romeo Crennel has reassumed his usual place next to me at the table. And has placed his two subway bags on the table.
Romeo – hey man, I grabbed a sub for you. (Puts 1 subway footlong in front of me takes out 2 others and starts to open the 1st).
Brick – So what did you get me?
Romeo – Ham, double meat, extra mayo, no veg. Same as what I got.
Brick – Umm, no thanks, I have some wings coming.
As if on queue, the server arrives with my wings.
Server – Sir (addressing Crennel) we don’t allow patrons to bring in food from outside.
Romeo – Look, I’m on the Subway diet, if it can work for that pansy Jarret, it can work for me. Besides, I’ve been here all day can’t you cut me some slack. Now how about another diet coke.
Sever (shaking his head as he walks away) some diet, 3 footlongs, 4 fried chickens and almost a gallon of blue cheese.
Romeo – what did he say, that fool ain’t getting no tip.
Door flys open
Bar – HERM!!!!!!!!!
Herm Edwards – Hey everybody, glad to be back here in Indy. Hey Boss (addressing bartender) get me the usual. (Herm heads to open stool at the bar)
Large Black Man – Motherfucker, you ain’t sitting by yourself at the bar, you best pick a spot where I can join you.
Herm – Hey guy, no worries, I was just getting my drink, why don’t you sit there next to Romeo and I’ll join you.
Romeo – Larry good to see you again, how are things in KC (starts laughing)
Larry Johnson – What the fuck is so fuckin funny. You traded a 1st round pick for that queer Quinn when you know damn well you could have traded for me last year. I blame you that I’m stuck in that shithole.
Romeo – yeah, now I’m stuck with a queen and a back who is falling apart, Sure Jamal had a good year, but does anyone really think he is going to be able to perform that way again.
Larry – Look at me, I have to come to Indy to babysit rainman here (points to Herm) Motherfucker is all … (Herm joins table)
Herm – Hey there guys, great to be here in Indy with you. I’m really looking forward to another successful year of football.
Larry – Successful, what the fuck was successful about last year. We went 4-12 and lost to the fuckin Raiders. Tell me again how anything about last year can be termed a Fuckin success.
Herm – We have found our QB of the future
Larry – Croyle, Broddy Fuckin Croyl. If he is the future I’m fuckin Abraham Lincoln.
Herm – Our Defense took great strides to being a top flight unit.
Larry – Oh yeah, they took great strides, we don’t have a single starter other than Mullethead who would start anywhere else. Its been the same bullshit every year since I came to KC, we’ll get them next year.
Herm – And I think the fanbase has really bought into my 8 year plan for success.
Larry (throws Herms appletini across the bar) 8 Year, 8 fuckin year, I’m an NFL running back, I don’t have 8 years. Look we are here to get me some help so that you don’t have me running 400 times behind a bunch of pussified bitches again. That Oline was great three years ago, we need to make them that way again. Motherfuckin 8 years bullshit.
Herm – Please, Larry, don’t throw my Appletini, as for the draft, I don’t know, I was thinking about looking at defensive back, If we could get a good one of them, It could take our D to the next level.
Larry – I will pimpslap the stupid out of you if you so much as look at another DB. I swear to all that is holy, you better get me a lineman. Get me that Jake Long motherfucker, look at the way that midget for Michigan ran behind him, that’s what I’m talking about.
Brick – Larry, I don’t think he will last to the 5th pick, St. Louis seems to like him.
Larry – Who the fuck said that you could open your fuckin piehole. Sit there and eat your chicken wings and shut the fuck up. You think I’m going to stand bye while that Larry Johnson wannabe Steven Jackson gets a fuckin stud lineman.
Herm – now Larry we have looked at Ryan Clady out of Boise St.
Larry – Boise St… what the fuck is that, some kind of kiddy college, that ain’t no big ten school. Motherfucker I said Jake fuckin Long.
Herm – Now Larry, Ryan is a fine young man and an outstanding prospect.
Larry – Ok Herm, I tell you what, we’ll go back across the street and take a look at this fine young man. And if he ain’t the shit I’m gonna beat the fuck out of you.
Herm – Sounds good Larry, we’ll go back over after I get another Appletini and take a look at him and this Mike Jenkins cat.
Larry – Look here Pollyanna, we ain’t lookin at no motherfuckin Mike Jenkins, I already done told you no DB’s. And you aint getting no motherfuckin appletini, we out.
Larry jumps up, knocking his chair to the ground, grabs Herm by his collar and drags him out the door.
Herm – Have a glorious day everyone.
Romeo takes a huge bite out of his ham sub, mayo drips down his cheek.
Romeo (with mouth full) – So who do you think they are going to draft?
Brick – I’m putting down Ryan Clady, otherwise I think Larry will break Herm’s legs.
Romeo – you going to eat those wings?
I take one look at Romeo, now with mayo dripping off his cheek, onto his shirt.
Brick – No, don’t think I’m very hungry anymore.
Romeo – than pass them over here fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
Its fast approaching 4 pm here at an unnamed bar across the street from the RCA Dome. Romeo Crennel has reassumed his usual place next to me at the table. And has placed his two subway bags on the table.
Romeo – hey man, I grabbed a sub for you. (Puts 1 subway footlong in front of me takes out 2 others and starts to open the 1st).
Brick – So what did you get me?
Romeo – Ham, double meat, extra mayo, no veg. Same as what I got.
Brick – Umm, no thanks, I have some wings coming.
As if on queue, the server arrives with my wings.
Server – Sir (addressing Crennel) we don’t allow patrons to bring in food from outside.
Romeo – Look, I’m on the Subway diet, if it can work for that pansy Jarret, it can work for me. Besides, I’ve been here all day can’t you cut me some slack. Now how about another diet coke.
Sever (shaking his head as he walks away) some diet, 3 footlongs, 4 fried chickens and almost a gallon of blue cheese.
Romeo – what did he say, that fool ain’t getting no tip.
Door flys open
Bar – HERM!!!!!!!!!
Herm Edwards – Hey everybody, glad to be back here in Indy. Hey Boss (addressing bartender) get me the usual. (Herm heads to open stool at the bar)
Large Black Man – Motherfucker, you ain’t sitting by yourself at the bar, you best pick a spot where I can join you.
Herm – Hey guy, no worries, I was just getting my drink, why don’t you sit there next to Romeo and I’ll join you.
Romeo – Larry good to see you again, how are things in KC (starts laughing)
Larry Johnson – What the fuck is so fuckin funny. You traded a 1st round pick for that queer Quinn when you know damn well you could have traded for me last year. I blame you that I’m stuck in that shithole.
Romeo – yeah, now I’m stuck with a queen and a back who is falling apart, Sure Jamal had a good year, but does anyone really think he is going to be able to perform that way again.
Larry – Look at me, I have to come to Indy to babysit rainman here (points to Herm) Motherfucker is all … (Herm joins table)
Herm – Hey there guys, great to be here in Indy with you. I’m really looking forward to another successful year of football.
Larry – Successful, what the fuck was successful about last year. We went 4-12 and lost to the fuckin Raiders. Tell me again how anything about last year can be termed a Fuckin success.
Herm – We have found our QB of the future
Larry – Croyle, Broddy Fuckin Croyl. If he is the future I’m fuckin Abraham Lincoln.
Herm – Our Defense took great strides to being a top flight unit.
Larry – Oh yeah, they took great strides, we don’t have a single starter other than Mullethead who would start anywhere else. Its been the same bullshit every year since I came to KC, we’ll get them next year.
Herm – And I think the fanbase has really bought into my 8 year plan for success.
Larry (throws Herms appletini across the bar) 8 Year, 8 fuckin year, I’m an NFL running back, I don’t have 8 years. Look we are here to get me some help so that you don’t have me running 400 times behind a bunch of pussified bitches again. That Oline was great three years ago, we need to make them that way again. Motherfuckin 8 years bullshit.
Herm – Please, Larry, don’t throw my Appletini, as for the draft, I don’t know, I was thinking about looking at defensive back, If we could get a good one of them, It could take our D to the next level.
Larry – I will pimpslap the stupid out of you if you so much as look at another DB. I swear to all that is holy, you better get me a lineman. Get me that Jake Long motherfucker, look at the way that midget for Michigan ran behind him, that’s what I’m talking about.
Brick – Larry, I don’t think he will last to the 5th pick, St. Louis seems to like him.
Larry – Who the fuck said that you could open your fuckin piehole. Sit there and eat your chicken wings and shut the fuck up. You think I’m going to stand bye while that Larry Johnson wannabe Steven Jackson gets a fuckin stud lineman.
Herm – now Larry we have looked at Ryan Clady out of Boise St.
Larry – Boise St… what the fuck is that, some kind of kiddy college, that ain’t no big ten school. Motherfucker I said Jake fuckin Long.
Herm – Now Larry, Ryan is a fine young man and an outstanding prospect.
Larry – Ok Herm, I tell you what, we’ll go back across the street and take a look at this fine young man. And if he ain’t the shit I’m gonna beat the fuck out of you.
Herm – Sounds good Larry, we’ll go back over after I get another Appletini and take a look at him and this Mike Jenkins cat.
Larry – Look here Pollyanna, we ain’t lookin at no motherfuckin Mike Jenkins, I already done told you no DB’s. And you aint getting no motherfuckin appletini, we out.
Larry jumps up, knocking his chair to the ground, grabs Herm by his collar and drags him out the door.
Herm – Have a glorious day everyone.
Romeo takes a huge bite out of his ham sub, mayo drips down his cheek.
Romeo (with mouth full) – So who do you think they are going to draft?
Brick – I’m putting down Ryan Clady, otherwise I think Larry will break Herm’s legs.
Romeo – you going to eat those wings?
I take one look at Romeo, now with mayo dripping off his cheek, onto his shirt.
Brick – No, don’t think I’m very hungry anymore.
Romeo – than pass them over here fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
Friday, February 29, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - St. Louis Rams - Bulger and Blue Cheese
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
Shortly after Parcells and S left, the server showed up with Romeo’s meal. While the smell of the fried chicken made me hungry, the sight of one man inhaling 4 chickens in a 10-minute period, only stopping twice as he choked on a bone he inadvertently swallowed, made me quickly loose any interest in food.
With Romeo finished, I tried to turn the conversation back to the combine.
Brick – So Romeo, what is your biggest regret draft wise over the course of your career?
Romeo – Other than letting that fat sack of shit Charlie the whale talk me into suggesting to our draft team that we trade back into the 1st round to take Brady Quinn last year. I mean look at the kid, he spends his time touching other guys, or dancing onstage with cockrockers like Poison. Now Fat Fuck Charlie sees that his precious butt fuckin Irish are going to collapse and he needs a 1st round QB on the resume so that he can get some recruits And now he expects me to bail him out and take his little bitch in the 1st round of the NFL draft. That faggot ass bullshit may have flown at a fairy factory like Notre Dame, but in Cleveland, that shit don’t fly.
Brick – Common Poison ain't that bad.
Romeo – Well sure, they had some catchy songs, but to dance with Brett Michaels, you have to admit, that looks like you like to bite pillows.
Brick – Not that there is anything wrong with that…
Awkward silence…
Romeo – (laughing) no nothing wrong with that… unless it’s true.
Brick – OK then, how about we talk about this year’s draft, now that we know what the Dolphins are going to do, what do you think of St. Louis.
Romeo – Maybe you should ask him.
Brick – Him who?
Romeo points under adjacent table where a man is cowering.
Brick – Are you Mark Bulger?
Man – Are you a defensive end or lineman, or perhaps a blitzing corner.
Brick – No
Man – are there any defensive ends, lineman or blitzing corners in the room.
Romeo – I can assure you that there are not.
Man – Could you please go check outside and make sure that there are no defensive ends, lineman and linebackers that look hungry on on the street and thinking of coming in here.
Humoring the man, I get up, go to the door, look outside and come back to my seat.
Brick – Nope, no defensive players running loose on the Street.
Man – Ok, if you promise not to tell anyone I’m here, I’ll tell you my name.
Brick & Romeo – we promise
Man – You were right, I am Mark Bulger. (Cautiously looking around, Mark climbs out from under the table and sits down at our table).
Brick – How long were you hiding under there.
Romeo – He followed the waiter in when they brought the chicken. He was under his apron.
Bulger – Shut up, you can’t give away my hiding spots.
Waiter comes over
Waiter – anything else I can get you gentleman.
Bulger – get me a shot of scotch, I need to calm my nerves.
Romeo – how about a salad with blue cheese, extra blue cheese on the side.
Brick – nothing thanks, So Mark, who would you like to see the Rams draft.
Bulger – Are you kidding me, who the fuck do you think I want them to draft. I’ve taken more sacks in the last year than …(waiter puts shot glass down on table, Mark downs shot and motions for waiter to keep them coming). What was I talking about?
Romeo – Do you even know where you are?
Bulger – last thing I remember is getting on a plane to Tampa Bay.
Brick – you mean for your game in week 3?
Bulger – Ok so I do remember some things since then, mostly pain. And I have no clue how I ended up here, oh good another shot (waiter shows up with another shot and Romeo’s salad, Bulger takes shot glass from waiter and downs it).
Brick – This is going nowhere (much like this blog)
Bulger – did you say Blog, I hate bloggers.
Romeo – No he didn’t say blog, that’s just something the editor put in. He doesn’t even read blogs.
Bulger – OK
Brick – back to the draft, who do you, want to see the Rams take, I’ve seen a lot of places say Chris Long, or Dorsey, but for my Mock-draft he is already gone.
Bulger – Fuck no I don’t want Chris Long; there are all ready too many DE’s out there. I don’t want one on my team who can actually hit me in practice. Its bad enough that Carriker tries, we can’t afford two guys who can play on the D-line.
Brick – Wouldn’t that help your team to have two legit D-linemen?
Bulger – Team, TEAM… who cares about the team, I got paid last year, I need to survive another couple years until I retire. We had better draft someone who can protect my ass (takes another shot) Waiter, make the next one a double. What was I saying?
Romeo – Hey there, is that Dwight Freeny?
Bulger screams like a little girl, jumps back under the table. Romeo laughs so hard that blue cheese squirts out his nose. I’m not sure that he even had eaten any salad yet; I think he was just drinking the blue cheese on the side.
Brick – God damn it Romeo, don’t do that. Common out Mark, Freeny isn’t here.
Bulger – where are we.
Romeo – Indianapolis
Bulger – than how do you know that Freeny isn’t here.
Brick – look around, there are no Defensive ends in here.
Bulger – yeah, but he may be in town. You don’t know for sure, you can’t offer me any protection. Nobody has given me any protection since Orlando died.
Brick – Orlando isn’t dead, he is just injured, and he may play another year.
Waiter shows back up with double shot, looks confused, I point under the table, waiter rolls his eyes and hands the shot glass to Bulger, who quickly downs it and crawls back under the waiters apron.
Bulger – Orlando may not be dead, but he is dead to me, unless he gets his fat ass back on the field, I need protection.
With that, the waiter leaves with Bulger crawling after him.
Brick – So I guess I should pencil in Jake Long for St. Louis.
Romeo – it worked for us last year, might as well put the Big 10 tackle in the 2 spot. The Rams aren’t going to keep him or Steven Jackson on the field unless they upgrade their protection.
Brick – You make a good point Romeo, and you still have a drop of blue cheese hanging off your nose. But if you are going to put it back in your mouth, please wait for me to turn my head.
Romeo – What, you expect me to wipe it on my napkin, that’s wasting good blue cheese, I ain’t no sucka.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
Shortly after Parcells and S left, the server showed up with Romeo’s meal. While the smell of the fried chicken made me hungry, the sight of one man inhaling 4 chickens in a 10-minute period, only stopping twice as he choked on a bone he inadvertently swallowed, made me quickly loose any interest in food.
With Romeo finished, I tried to turn the conversation back to the combine.
Brick – So Romeo, what is your biggest regret draft wise over the course of your career?
Romeo – Other than letting that fat sack of shit Charlie the whale talk me into suggesting to our draft team that we trade back into the 1st round to take Brady Quinn last year. I mean look at the kid, he spends his time touching other guys, or dancing onstage with cockrockers like Poison. Now Fat Fuck Charlie sees that his precious butt fuckin Irish are going to collapse and he needs a 1st round QB on the resume so that he can get some recruits And now he expects me to bail him out and take his little bitch in the 1st round of the NFL draft. That faggot ass bullshit may have flown at a fairy factory like Notre Dame, but in Cleveland, that shit don’t fly.
Brick – Common Poison ain't that bad.
Romeo – Well sure, they had some catchy songs, but to dance with Brett Michaels, you have to admit, that looks like you like to bite pillows.
Brick – Not that there is anything wrong with that…
Awkward silence…
Romeo – (laughing) no nothing wrong with that… unless it’s true.
Brick – OK then, how about we talk about this year’s draft, now that we know what the Dolphins are going to do, what do you think of St. Louis.
Romeo – Maybe you should ask him.
Brick – Him who?
Romeo points under adjacent table where a man is cowering.
Brick – Are you Mark Bulger?
Man – Are you a defensive end or lineman, or perhaps a blitzing corner.
Brick – No
Man – are there any defensive ends, lineman or blitzing corners in the room.
Romeo – I can assure you that there are not.
Man – Could you please go check outside and make sure that there are no defensive ends, lineman and linebackers that look hungry on on the street and thinking of coming in here.
Humoring the man, I get up, go to the door, look outside and come back to my seat.
Brick – Nope, no defensive players running loose on the Street.
Man – Ok, if you promise not to tell anyone I’m here, I’ll tell you my name.
Brick & Romeo – we promise
Man – You were right, I am Mark Bulger. (Cautiously looking around, Mark climbs out from under the table and sits down at our table).
Brick – How long were you hiding under there.
Romeo – He followed the waiter in when they brought the chicken. He was under his apron.
Bulger – Shut up, you can’t give away my hiding spots.
Waiter comes over
Waiter – anything else I can get you gentleman.
Bulger – get me a shot of scotch, I need to calm my nerves.
Romeo – how about a salad with blue cheese, extra blue cheese on the side.
Brick – nothing thanks, So Mark, who would you like to see the Rams draft.
Bulger – Are you kidding me, who the fuck do you think I want them to draft. I’ve taken more sacks in the last year than …(waiter puts shot glass down on table, Mark downs shot and motions for waiter to keep them coming). What was I talking about?
Romeo – Do you even know where you are?
Bulger – last thing I remember is getting on a plane to Tampa Bay.
Brick – you mean for your game in week 3?
Bulger – Ok so I do remember some things since then, mostly pain. And I have no clue how I ended up here, oh good another shot (waiter shows up with another shot and Romeo’s salad, Bulger takes shot glass from waiter and downs it).
Brick – This is going nowhere (much like this blog)
Bulger – did you say Blog, I hate bloggers.
Romeo – No he didn’t say blog, that’s just something the editor put in. He doesn’t even read blogs.
Bulger – OK
Brick – back to the draft, who do you, want to see the Rams take, I’ve seen a lot of places say Chris Long, or Dorsey, but for my Mock-draft he is already gone.
Bulger – Fuck no I don’t want Chris Long; there are all ready too many DE’s out there. I don’t want one on my team who can actually hit me in practice. Its bad enough that Carriker tries, we can’t afford two guys who can play on the D-line.
Brick – Wouldn’t that help your team to have two legit D-linemen?
Bulger – Team, TEAM… who cares about the team, I got paid last year, I need to survive another couple years until I retire. We had better draft someone who can protect my ass (takes another shot) Waiter, make the next one a double. What was I saying?
Romeo – Hey there, is that Dwight Freeny?
Bulger screams like a little girl, jumps back under the table. Romeo laughs so hard that blue cheese squirts out his nose. I’m not sure that he even had eaten any salad yet; I think he was just drinking the blue cheese on the side.
Brick – God damn it Romeo, don’t do that. Common out Mark, Freeny isn’t here.
Bulger – where are we.
Romeo – Indianapolis
Bulger – than how do you know that Freeny isn’t here.
Brick – look around, there are no Defensive ends in here.
Bulger – yeah, but he may be in town. You don’t know for sure, you can’t offer me any protection. Nobody has given me any protection since Orlando died.
Brick – Orlando isn’t dead, he is just injured, and he may play another year.
Waiter shows back up with double shot, looks confused, I point under the table, waiter rolls his eyes and hands the shot glass to Bulger, who quickly downs it and crawls back under the waiters apron.
Bulger – Orlando may not be dead, but he is dead to me, unless he gets his fat ass back on the field, I need protection.
With that, the waiter leaves with Bulger crawling after him.
Brick – So I guess I should pencil in Jake Long for St. Louis.
Romeo – it worked for us last year, might as well put the Big 10 tackle in the 2 spot. The Rams aren’t going to keep him or Steven Jackson on the field unless they upgrade their protection.
Brick – You make a good point Romeo, and you still have a drop of blue cheese hanging off your nose. But if you are going to put it back in your mouth, please wait for me to turn my head.
Romeo – What, you expect me to wipe it on my napkin, that’s wasting good blue cheese, I ain’t no sucka.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
Thursday, February 28, 2008
2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - Miami Dolphins, enter Romeo
Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
11am, 2/22/2008, 1st day of the NFL combine. (I have taken up a spot at an empty table here in the bar; I won’t be naming the bar as not to compromise this location for future years. Its pretty quite, I have been here for about an hour setting up the monitoring equipment. I got some strange looks, but explained I have OCD and can only eat if I can later review the audio. Seemed to work.)
After settling down with a nice frosty beverage and the bar menu, I get my 1st surprise of the day. A portly black man asks if he can sit down. Before I can even answer Romeo Crennel joins me at the table.
Brick – Romeo, shouldn’t you be across the street at the combine?
Romeo – Are you done with that menu?
Brick – Um, sure here you go, I’m not hungry anyway
Romeo – Thanks, stupid Browns, trading our #1 pick for that fairy Brady, now I have to waste a weekend in February here in Indy. I should be enjoying a week in Thailand, you know those women will do anything for American dollars.
Brick – I know nothing about that (my wife may read this blog)
Romeo – Did you say something about a blog(starts to get up).
Brick – Blog, no, I didn’t say anything about a blog, that line was added in during editing, you never heard that, I don’t even read blogs.
Romeo (Sitting back down) OK, that’s good, I wouldn’t want it to get out that I skipped out on part of the combine to come over here for lunch.
Brick – So with no 1st round pick, what are you looking at here in Indy?
Romeo – Lunch
Brick – Anything else, I mean you could have had lunch in Cleveland
Romeo – That’s what I told the Browns, but no, they put me on a flight from Cleveland in coach, those cheap fucks didn’t even get me a direct flight, I had stops in Chicago, Atlanta and Cincinnati before getting here. Well actually I was only scheduled to change planes in Chicago, but I got stuck in the john. Have you ever been stuck in the john in an airplane? They must design those things for midgets. I went in just after takeoff in Cleveland, dropped the Cosbys off at the pool, and finished my business as they announced we were approaching Chicago. But I couldn’t open the door I must have banged on that door for a good 20 seconds before passing out from the smell of my own feces. Apparently the plane continued to Atlanta, with me passed out in the shitter, the flight crew didn’t discover me until after we landed in Atlanta. Then I had to wait an hour for a flight to Cincy and another 2 hours for a flight to Indy. So I need some lunch.
Brick – Sorry to hear that, airlines suck (interrupted by waiter taking orders)
Romeo – I’ll have four fried chickens and a coke.
Server – Four fried chickens and a coke?
Romeo – Your right, I need to remember watch my weight, don’t want to end up like Wies, make that a diet coke.
Server – And you sir?
Brick – I’m all set for right now.
(In walks Bill Parcells and Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano)
Parcells whispers something to Sparano
Sparano – Romeo, Mr. Parcells would like to join you for lunch.
Romeo (now sounding like Mr. T. for some unknown reason)– Sit down fools
Parcells once again whispers something to Sparano
Sparano– Mr. Parcells would like to know whom this man is that you are sitting with.
Romeo – Some sucka who who aint eatin notin.
Parcells leans in and mumbles something in Sparano ear.
Sparano – Mr. Parcells requests that you show the proper respect and kiss his ring before he allows you to have him join your table.
Brick – Um sure, whatever. (Kisses ring, Parcells and Sparano sit)
Brick – Mr. Parcells, is there anyone who has stood out to you so far this combine?
Sparano – Mr. Parcells believes that if you are going to cook the soup, you should be allow to shop (Parcells cracks S in the back of the head, leans over and angrily mutters to Sparano)
Sparano – I would like to apologize for misrepresenting Mr. Parcells. The dolphins are taking a close look at a number of players at the top of the draft, and all have impressed so far.
Romeo – WHO is this Mr. Parcells cut the jibba jabba, that be the big Tuna, call him Tuna fool.
Sparano – Please Mr. Crennel, show the proper respect to Mr. Parcells, as a former associate, you should understand this better than most.
Romeo – Don’t be playin me for no Sucka, Parcells ain’t here to see no limp wristed QB out of bean town, he loves fatbodies.
(Parcells leans back, laughs, and then leans over to Sparano)
Sparano – Mr. Parcells appreciates your candor. And you are correct, Mr. Parcells prefers to draft heavyset individuals early. In fact when interviewing Glenn Dorsey and Sedric Ellis today, he challenged each of them to a hotdog-eating contest.
Romeo – Bet he flew in Nathan’s for those two suckas to eat.
Sparano – Quite correct, both of them failed to best Mr. Parcells in the contest, as is to be expected, however Mr. Dorsey performed much better (Parcells once again winds up and knocks the snot out of Sparano)
Sparano – I should apologize, I should know better than to discuss the family business with those outside the family. (Parcells hands Sparano a note) Gentlemen, it appears due to my indiscretion, I will not be permitted to have lunch with you, and Mr. Parcells and I will be leaving now. Please kiss Mr. Parcell’s ring in appreciation for the time he has spent with you.
Romeo stands, walks over to Parcells and drops to one knee and kisses the ring. Not wanting to get whacked, I follow suit. Parcells and Sparano get up and leave.
Romeo (speaking normally again) – God damn, I’m glad that I don’t work for him anymore. I hate talking in the Mr. T voice. Did you know he made Weis dress up like a fuckin leprechaun for work every day.
Brick – I was really hoping to get more info on who they were planning to draft.
Romeo – Are you kidding, Sparano gave up the Nathan’s results. There is no way that they aren’t taking Dorsey. The real reason he was against taking Terry Glenn was that Glenn is the only person to ever beat him in the contest. Parcells to this day claims it was because he had strep throat, and Glenn later let him win a rematch just to start. Hell, Parcells is so dominant at eating hot dogs that Nathan’s won’t allow him to take part in the July 4th contest as it wouldn’t be fair, that motherfucker would lap Kobayashii.
Brick – Thanks, so I can put down Dorsey for my mock draft.
Romeo – Bet on it fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
11am, 2/22/2008, 1st day of the NFL combine. (I have taken up a spot at an empty table here in the bar; I won’t be naming the bar as not to compromise this location for future years. Its pretty quite, I have been here for about an hour setting up the monitoring equipment. I got some strange looks, but explained I have OCD and can only eat if I can later review the audio. Seemed to work.)
After settling down with a nice frosty beverage and the bar menu, I get my 1st surprise of the day. A portly black man asks if he can sit down. Before I can even answer Romeo Crennel joins me at the table.
Brick – Romeo, shouldn’t you be across the street at the combine?
Romeo – Are you done with that menu?
Brick – Um, sure here you go, I’m not hungry anyway
Romeo – Thanks, stupid Browns, trading our #1 pick for that fairy Brady, now I have to waste a weekend in February here in Indy. I should be enjoying a week in Thailand, you know those women will do anything for American dollars.
Brick – I know nothing about that (my wife may read this blog)
Romeo – Did you say something about a blog(starts to get up).
Brick – Blog, no, I didn’t say anything about a blog, that line was added in during editing, you never heard that, I don’t even read blogs.
Romeo (Sitting back down) OK, that’s good, I wouldn’t want it to get out that I skipped out on part of the combine to come over here for lunch.
Brick – So with no 1st round pick, what are you looking at here in Indy?
Romeo – Lunch
Brick – Anything else, I mean you could have had lunch in Cleveland
Romeo – That’s what I told the Browns, but no, they put me on a flight from Cleveland in coach, those cheap fucks didn’t even get me a direct flight, I had stops in Chicago, Atlanta and Cincinnati before getting here. Well actually I was only scheduled to change planes in Chicago, but I got stuck in the john. Have you ever been stuck in the john in an airplane? They must design those things for midgets. I went in just after takeoff in Cleveland, dropped the Cosbys off at the pool, and finished my business as they announced we were approaching Chicago. But I couldn’t open the door I must have banged on that door for a good 20 seconds before passing out from the smell of my own feces. Apparently the plane continued to Atlanta, with me passed out in the shitter, the flight crew didn’t discover me until after we landed in Atlanta. Then I had to wait an hour for a flight to Cincy and another 2 hours for a flight to Indy. So I need some lunch.
Brick – Sorry to hear that, airlines suck (interrupted by waiter taking orders)
Romeo – I’ll have four fried chickens and a coke.
Server – Four fried chickens and a coke?
Romeo – Your right, I need to remember watch my weight, don’t want to end up like Wies, make that a diet coke.
Server – And you sir?
Brick – I’m all set for right now.
(In walks Bill Parcells and Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano)
Parcells whispers something to Sparano
Sparano – Romeo, Mr. Parcells would like to join you for lunch.
Romeo (now sounding like Mr. T. for some unknown reason)– Sit down fools
Parcells once again whispers something to Sparano
Sparano– Mr. Parcells would like to know whom this man is that you are sitting with.
Romeo – Some sucka who who aint eatin notin.
Parcells leans in and mumbles something in Sparano ear.
Sparano – Mr. Parcells requests that you show the proper respect and kiss his ring before he allows you to have him join your table.
Brick – Um sure, whatever. (Kisses ring, Parcells and Sparano sit)
Brick – Mr. Parcells, is there anyone who has stood out to you so far this combine?
Sparano – Mr. Parcells believes that if you are going to cook the soup, you should be allow to shop (Parcells cracks S in the back of the head, leans over and angrily mutters to Sparano)
Sparano – I would like to apologize for misrepresenting Mr. Parcells. The dolphins are taking a close look at a number of players at the top of the draft, and all have impressed so far.
Romeo – WHO is this Mr. Parcells cut the jibba jabba, that be the big Tuna, call him Tuna fool.
Sparano – Please Mr. Crennel, show the proper respect to Mr. Parcells, as a former associate, you should understand this better than most.
Romeo – Don’t be playin me for no Sucka, Parcells ain’t here to see no limp wristed QB out of bean town, he loves fatbodies.
(Parcells leans back, laughs, and then leans over to Sparano)
Sparano – Mr. Parcells appreciates your candor. And you are correct, Mr. Parcells prefers to draft heavyset individuals early. In fact when interviewing Glenn Dorsey and Sedric Ellis today, he challenged each of them to a hotdog-eating contest.
Romeo – Bet he flew in Nathan’s for those two suckas to eat.
Sparano – Quite correct, both of them failed to best Mr. Parcells in the contest, as is to be expected, however Mr. Dorsey performed much better (Parcells once again winds up and knocks the snot out of Sparano)
Sparano – I should apologize, I should know better than to discuss the family business with those outside the family. (Parcells hands Sparano a note) Gentlemen, it appears due to my indiscretion, I will not be permitted to have lunch with you, and Mr. Parcells and I will be leaving now. Please kiss Mr. Parcell’s ring in appreciation for the time he has spent with you.
Romeo stands, walks over to Parcells and drops to one knee and kisses the ring. Not wanting to get whacked, I follow suit. Parcells and Sparano get up and leave.
Romeo (speaking normally again) – God damn, I’m glad that I don’t work for him anymore. I hate talking in the Mr. T voice. Did you know he made Weis dress up like a fuckin leprechaun for work every day.
Brick – I was really hoping to get more info on who they were planning to draft.
Romeo – Are you kidding, Sparano gave up the Nathan’s results. There is no way that they aren’t taking Dorsey. The real reason he was against taking Terry Glenn was that Glenn is the only person to ever beat him in the contest. Parcells to this day claims it was because he had strep throat, and Glenn later let him win a rematch just to start. Hell, Parcells is so dominant at eating hot dogs that Nathan’s won’t allow him to take part in the July 4th contest as it wouldn’t be fair, that motherfucker would lap Kobayashii.
Brick – Thanks, so I can put down Dorsey for my mock draft.
Romeo – Bet on it fool.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
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