Monday, March 10, 2008

2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - Bengals, Mugging Marvin

Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.

With Romeo entering the Steak and Shake, I got my food to go and ordered an extra milkshake. I distracted Romeo with the Milkshake and left before I lost my appetite again. Back in my hotel room I looked over my notes and felt pretty good. On the 1st day in Indy I managed to get a hold of the top 8 teams. The bar I selected seemed like a winner.

The next morning I walked into the bar at about 10:30. The place was still a mess from the night before. The staff was hurrying around trying to get the place back in order before the lunch rush. I got my recording equipment back in order, but in doing so got some nasty shit on my hands. When I went into the bathroom to wash up I got my 1st surprise of Day 2.

Walking by the 2nd stall on my way to the sink, I saw a man passed out and just coming to.

Brick – Are you all right?

Man – (with face in hands) Uhhhnnnn, last thing I remember is telling Travis that I was heading out with him tonight to keep him out of trouble. What time is it?

Brick – about 11am.

Man – Oh shoot, I’ve been here all night, and the workouts are about to start.

Brick – So you are here for the combine.

Marvin Lewis (looking up) – yeah, I’m head coach of the Bengals.

Brick – Oh shit, I recognize you, can you get up.

Lewis – Yeah, my head feels like heck, I think I got mugged. Dang, my wallet is gone.

Brick – Common, I’ll buy you a coffee.

I went over to the sink and washed my hands, Marvin washed his face, staring blankly into the mirror. The two of us then went back out to the bar, where you know who was waiting for us.

Romeo – Marvin, looks like you went out with the boys again last night. Don’t you ever learn.

Marvin – I thought it would be different this time. I thought that if I went out with Chris, Chad, Odell, and J.J. there wouldn’t be any trouble.

Romeo – Let me guess, your wallet is missing…again.

Marvin – Yeah, but at least I still have my cell phone. (Marvin takes out phone, hits 1 on speed dial)

Marvin – Amex, yeah its me Marvin again. Good, how are the kids. So what charges did I incur last night. No, I wasn’t at the eager beaver, no I didn’t pay $10,000.00 to mikes bail bonds, No I didn’t buy a water pipe. That’s it; well I guess they did behave themselves last night. Thanks.

Marvin – Well that went better than expected.

Waiter comes over with coffee, 3 diet cokes and two bacon egg and cheese sandwiches. Puts coffee in front of Marvin, the rest goes to Romeo.

Waiter – Mr. Lewis, good to see you again. Looks like you went out with the guys last night.

Marvin – yeah, those crazy rascals. Always leaving me in the bathroom. That’s why I like Indy, in Cincinnati someone would have pissed on me, here in Indy everyone is so polite, I just have some puke on the back of my shirt.

Waiter – the guys said you would be picking up the tab this morning. (Hands him check).

Marvin – Wow, $8,034.43, they are really maturing, this even includes damages, I paid at least twice this last year.

Waiter – yeah, and only 1 reported rape last night, you are really turning that team around.

Marvin – It just takes a little tough love, and a strong belief in God.

Brick – So Marvin, did you see anyone impressive yesterday at the combine?

Romeo – Hey, you’re the fool you was suppose to buy me lunch yesterday.

Brick – Remember I bought you a milkshake last night.

Romeo – Oh yeah, I do like milkshakes.

Marvin – There are some fine young men in this year’s draft. Did you know that Darren McFadden only has 4 children out of wedlock, and 2 priors at nightclubs, that young man has his head on straight.
Brick – I can see how he would be a good fit, but I think he is going to be a Falcon.

Marvin – That makes sense, there is an organization that values character individuals. They really have their act together. So it sounds like you have some idea as to whom the teams ahead of us are taking. Mind if I take a look at the list?

I passed over my mock draft and my list of players still available. Marvin took a quick look.

Marvin – I see you have heights, weights and 40 times listed here, but no information on the guys character. You really need some more information in order to make a good decision as to whom to draft. I see you still have Sedric Ellis and Keith Rivers available. Either one of those young men could shore up the middle of my defense.

Brick – So any preference?

Marvin – well you just can’t go wrong with a player from USC. That program produces some real quality individuals. We drafted Frostee Rucker from USC and he has produced just as expected. But I think we need more help at LB than at DL. I mean I had Dhani Jones on the squad last year. There was just no getting through to him, such a waste.

Brick – So I should put you down for Keith Rivers.

Marvin – Well, I do need to perform a thorough background check, but he seems like a winner to me. Thanks for the coffee, I need to get back over to the combine.

Brick – Shouldn’t you go change first, you do have puke on you.

Marvin – Oh, no. I’m sure those rascals went back to my room last night since they had my wallet. These are the only clothes I have left.

Brick – Well good luck to you.

Marvin – And may god be with the two of you, especially you Romeo, you do know that god hates fags, like Quinn.

Romeo – I hate him too.

Marvin then left the bar, limping noticeably.

Romeo – glad I don’t have to sit next to that stinky fool for the next 3 days.

Brickinthebox mock draft:

1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC

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