Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.
The thump of old-skool rap music prevented Romeo from further regaling me of tales from Thailand. Looking toward the door a rotund black man was entering with an 1980’s style boom box on his shoulder. As the melodic sounds of A Tribe Called Quest washed over the bar Romeo jumped to his feet.
Romeo – LoveDog waz-up hommie.
Lovie Smith – R-diggity, what it is
Romeo and Lovie then go through an elaborate handshake that seems to take at least 3 minutes to complete.
Lovie – Yo, yo, yo R-diggity, you making this place your new crib or what.
Romeo – you know how I roll, I’m just here chillin like a villain
Lovie – word
Romeo – Yo, brother, why don’t you get off your dogs and have some eats
Lovie – You know that Love Dog don’t eat no swine, I’m headin to the hood to get some soul food, I was just seein if you was down.
Romeo – Man you know that soul food stuff is just the man’s way of keeping us down, a proud black man like me deserves better than grits and chitlins
Lovie – Bro, don’t be sellin out on me now, you gots to keep it real.
Romeo – I am keeping it real, I just appreciates the finer things.
Lovie – tru dat, who is this white boy you be hangin with?
Romeo – man he’s cool, he’s cool, common sit yo ass down.
Lovie sits down, and turns off the boom box. Romeo corrals the waiter and orders three fried chickens and three diet cokes.
Romeo – (looks at me) Ok, white boy, you know you want to ask Love dog your questions, why don’t you hit him up now before we get our eat on.
Brick – Mr. Smith, where are the Bears looking to go in the draft.
Lovie – man, whats this Mr. Smith stuff, Romeo I though you said this white boy was cool, call me LoveDog homeslice.
Brick – Yo, I’m cool Lovedog, I can hang.
Lovie – Man, this whiteboy is whiter than wonder bread, Ok wonder bread what was your question again.
Brick – Lovedog, the Bears need help almost everywhere, who are you looking at here at the combine.
Lovie – Man wonderbread, you is one serious MF’er, Chi-town will be right back on top this year. B-Favre ain’t repeatin, he be older than ____, T-Jack makes my boy sexy Rexy look like a superstar. D-town, its D-town fool, what they gonna do. Chi-town will be right back on top in 08.
Brick – I can dig that, but you got the pick, who ya gonna take.
Lovie – wonderbread, cut the jive talk, you cool, but you can’t hang with the jive, keep it white homie.
Brick – Ok lovedog, I’ll cut the jive talk, but how about the prospects, The Bears seem like they could go just about anywhere in the 1st round.
Lovie – I like you wonderbread, so I’m going to keep it real. Ain’t no QB that is gonna help out Chi-town this year, If B-train leaves we will be hurting at receiver, Our fatboys be solid.
Brick – That’s all true, but how about running back, Jones leaving really hurt last year.
Lovie – Aw man, why you bringing up running backs wonderbread. CB be gayer than Quinn.
Romeo – true dat, true dat
Brick – So I guess Chicago could be looking at the running backs that are available, like Jones, Mendenhall or Stewart.
Lovie – I’m down with Mendenhall, and he is down with Chi-town. He needs a bad ass nickname though, none of that R-Men jive.
Romeo – Ramen, shit bro, I could go for some Chinese food.
Then, as if Romeo was a portly genie granting his own wish, the waiter showed up with the fried chickens. I actually managed to distract myself by watching the combine on NFL network long enough to choke down a leg while Romeo and Smith tossed out potential nicknames between and during bites of food.
Romeo – Busta Runs
Lovie – Man, that’s wack, sounds like he ate too much Mexican food. How about Run RMD?
Romeo – Blank will sue for trademark infringement, How’s MC Rash grab ya.
Lovie – Sounds like he went to Thailand with Foxy, hey you ever get that cleared up?
Brick – Is the nickname really that important? Isn’t enough just to get the best player?
Lovie – Wonderbread, you ain’t from the hood, so you’ll never under stand the hood,
Brick – Fine, call he whatever you want, for my purposes, I’m putting the Bears down for Mendenhall and leaving it at that. Romeo do you have anything to add?
Romeo – What are you talking about
Brick – you know, you end each of these things with some comment in your Mr. T. voice.
Romeo – Don’t be playin me like a fool sucka, I ain’t never done that.
Brickinthebox mock draft:
1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
8. Baltimore Ravens – Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
10. New Orleans Saints - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
11. Buffalo Bills – Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
12. Denver Broncos - Kenny Philips, S, Miami
13. Carolina Panthers – D. Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tenn. St
14. Chicago Bears - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois