Sunday, March 2, 2008

2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - Oakland Raiders, Tomato Juice

Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.

Shortly after Mr. Blank left, Romeo excused himself and left the bar. The server came by and cleared the mound of plates and empty diet coke glasses. Looking to put a little food in my stomach I ordered some buffalo wings, no blue cheese and some water. The last few people whom I had run into had caused my alcohol intake to go to college levels, and I didn’t think I could maintain that pace for the rest of the afternoon. Not long after I placed my order, things got strange again.

The lights in the bar dimmed, and everything got strangely silent. The hustle and bustle of a busy bar vanished and a sense of foreboding washed over everyone.

Slowly the front door creaked open and a shadowy figure entered flanked by a tall black man. The shadowy figure was dressed head to toe in a white jumpsuit, the man by his side all in black. I immediately sat straight up in my chair. This was the man I had been hoping/dreading to meet. Al Davis was in the bar. The man who is the Raiders, my favorite, team was here. Could I hold it together long enough to speak to him, or would he brush me aside. I didn’t have to wait long for my answer.

Al Davis – this is the spot James, you can smell the fear in the establishment. I can feed off of this. Wait, there is something here, this table (a crocked finger extends towards me) I sense desperation, mixed with faint hope. You, (addressing me) you there you are a Raiders fan aren’t you.

Brick – yes Mr. Davis, I am a Raider fan, would you do me the honor of joining me at my table.

Al Davis – James this table will do, get me a tomato juice from the bar. (James pulls out a chair for Mr. Davis and helps him into the seat, then rushes over to the bar).

Brick – Mr. Davis, thank you for joining me, may I ask you a few questions.

Mr. Davis – First, you must answer mine. What is your name?

Brick – Please call me brick.

Mr. Davis – Brick, interesting, I would wager that is not your real name, there is something you are trying to hide, but for now I will let this pass. Mr. Brick, you are not a reporter are you?

Brick – No Mr. Davis, I am not a reporter.

Mr. Davis – Once again, you are holding back the full truth from me. Mr. Brick, I will warn you now that if you hope for this conversation to continue you must be open with me. Your lack of honesty disturbs me.

Brick – I am recording this conversation for a blog I write, I am putting together a mock draft based on the information I have gathered here in the bar.

Mr. Davis – Was that so hard Mr. Brick, I am a benevolent man, so I will allow you to continue this conversation…Secret recordings, you could have a future in this league. Now that we have established the basis for this conversation, I will allow you to ask your questions. But please be brief, I do not suffer fools.

(James returns with a glass of tomato juice, he empties the glass onto the floor, and produces a thermos from under his coat. He refills the glass with a thick dark red fluid and passes the glass to Mr. Davis, who takes a long sip)

Mr. Davis – Well done James, still warm, you must never let it get cold, the juice must always be warm. Mr. Brick, I am sure you are familiar with my associate James Loften, I have high hopes for this young man. He has the potential to serve us well.

Brick – Yes Mr. Davis, I am familiar with Mr. Loften’s work. Which brings me to my 1st question, there have been many rumors of discord within the Raiders organization this off season. How do you address these issues?

Mr. Davis – I put no stock into rumor, those who serve me know their role and must perform as required or they will be dealt with. As always the greatness of the Raiders is in its future.

Brick – So the reports that Lane Kiffen stay as Raiders head coach will be a short one and you are readying Mr. Loften to be the next coach are off base?

Mr. Davis – I will evaluate the progress of young Lane and I will make the final decision as to his future. Mr. Loften is here to help the Raiders win; his role will be determined by his abilities. He shows much promise in his ability to serve me, can he and Lane just win, that is the real question can they just win baby?

Brick – the constant turnover within the Raiders coaching staff in recent years has been pointed to by many as holding back the team, do you feel a more consistent approach would benefit the team.

Mr. Davis – Norvell lost sight of the prize, he lost his players, and Author was miscast and could not gain the trust of the players. But you must remember, I am the constant, I am the be all end all, As long as I am here everything else is inconsequential. Only those whose commitment to excellence can match mine will be retained, all others will be jettisoned.

(Mr. Davis takes another long sip from his glass, some color appears in his cheeks)

Mr. Davis – this is an excellent vintage Mr. Lofton, very fresh, very young. You would be well served to continue on this path. Mr. Brick, as you see I am almost done with my drink, consider this your last question.

Brick – thank you Mr. Davis, as I said I am putting together a mock draft, who are the Raiders targeting this year?

Mr. Davis – Mock draft, you must have gained some insight into the plans of others by positioning yourself in this establishment, what have you learned so far?

Brick – The dolphins like Dorsey since he can eat hotdogs, the Rams need protection for their shell shocked QB, so I have them taking Jake Long and the Falcons seem to run their franchise like a plantation, looking for the strongest fastest black man and will be taking Darren McFadden.

Mr. Davis – you have spent your time here wisely, Those you have spoke to are performing just as I have expected. Mr. Brick, what do you know of my draft tendencies.

Brick – you seem to like athletes first, but give special consideration to west coast players and legacies.

Mr. Davis – Ah, legacies, Once a Raider, always a Raider. This goes for families as well. Look here for your answer Mr. Brick. With that I leave you, James my chair.

With that, Mr. Davis downed his glass, James pulled out Mr. Davis’s chair, helped him up a led him to the door. Upon their exiting, the lights came back up, and the bar returned to normal. As I was filling out my mock draft sheet, Romeo returned with two large bags from Subway.

Romeo – Did I miss anything?

Brick - Al Davis was here, and I learned they are taking Chris Long.

Romeo – Al Davis!, I ain’t sayin nothin bout that sucka.

Brickinthebox mock draft:

1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia

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