Thursday, August 21, 2008

Steroids for the Win

I guess it pays to be an asshole. In yet another move that I cannot fathom, FSN has hired Shawne Merriman to be an analyst on their NFL preview show.

Merriman continues to prove that being a cheat will have no detrimental effect on your potential earnings in America. Somehow coming off a season where he was suspended four games for steroid abuse he managed to become the face (along with Steven Jackson) of Nike’s huge ad campaign. I guess just do it includes just injecting yourself in the ass to get ahead.

Merriman also continues to prove that the majority of the sports world cannot get past certain numbers. For baseball it is homeruns (who cares if you strike out every other time at bat), for football it is touchdowns on offense, and sacks on defense. Merriman is a hell of a pass rusher; I will give him that. But he is incredibly weak at the point of attack, and god save him if he is asked to go into pass coverage. He is a one dimensional player if there ever was one. But don’t tell that to the pundits who list him as one of the top linebackers in the game.

Now Merriman will bring his “insight” to FSN’s preview show. I have to wonder what king of knowledge he will bring to the table. I can see it now:

Glazer – Green Bay is going to have its hands full Monday night trying to contain Allen without Bryant McKinnie.

Merriman – Allen ain’t *bleep* what is that he is doing after the sack. That ain’t no sack dance, this is a sack dance (starts spastically jumping around, breaking two lights on the set). HA lights out mother*bleep*.

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