Another week another Seven things, this is starting to become a habit. This weekend was pretty boring, other than football anyway, so lets just get right into it.
1 – Fat equals Funny
Tom Brady blowing out his knee was funny because it hurt so many stupid people. Charlie the Whale blowing out his knee was god damn hilarious. I mean look at this video:
I can’t stop laughing, can you? If you can than go fuck yourself that is some funny shit there. It was even better in HD as I replayed it over and over again. Go ahead and watch it one more time, TIMBER!!!!!!!!!
2 – An Open Letter to Sweater vest
Dear Sweater vest, if you aren’t going to play Terrell Pryor, why the fuck did you recruit him. He was by far the best offensive player on the field for THEO this weekend. Fuck the senior, he isn’t going to amount to shit anyway, or he would have by now. If you want to stop loosing to top teams, you are going to have to embrace Pryor. Ehh, forget it, I like it better when you get embarrassed every time you play a top 10 team not from the Big-Televen.
3 – Vince Young is Fuckin Crazy
You want to quit you fucking pussy, you run up against the 1st adversity that you have experience in your young life and you are ready to throw in the towel. You know what, go ahead, commit suicide you dumb motherfucker. Just don’t try slitting your wrists, you will probably cut short of the vein. And don’t try to kill yourself with your car, you’ll miss the tree wide right. And don’t try to overdose on pills, you’ll just one hop them all off your chin.
That’s right Vince, you suck so bad, I bet you couldn’t even commit suicide right.
Look I understand there is allot of pressure in being an NFL quarterback, but I can’t relate, see I’m not paid Millions of dollars to play a kids game. A little bit of getting boo’ed as a trade off, I guess I can see how that would break you down, you fucking vag.
4 – Hurricanes are awesome.
Killer floods, windows blowing out, tornadoes, fucking up NFL passing attacks, its like a real life Michael Bay movie, except entertaining. Plus you get to see news people make complete asses of themselves. I think it was on CNN that I saw a monster truck being used to help rescue people. To which the anchor expressed how bizarre it was to see a monster truck out on the streets.
Do even know where you are? You overly primped microphone jockey. You are in Texas you queer, there is a monster truck on every block. Fuck if you are a Texas born male, and don’t own a monster truck at some time, chances are you are a Faggot, sort of like your average newscaster.
Hmmm, Monster Trucks, maybe Michael Bay did direct Hurricane Ike, it was his best work yet, just needed more boobies.
5 – Overrated, Underrated, time for new ratings
I saw a ranking of the top 50 NFL players this off-season that had Antonio Cromartie listed as the 2nd best CB in the NFL. Well if that is the case, Brandon Marshall is superman. Look, I admit that Cromartie is a physical freak, whom had quite a breakout year last year. But if you look at his game he is far from a polished product, and now that NFL team have had a chance to see him on tape, he is going to struggle until he raises his game.
But this is just the way things are. For some reason there is a race to be the 1st to either label a player a super star, or a bust. Some Raider fans wanted to label Michael Huff a bust after two solid seasons playing out of position, why? because he didn’t put up INT numbers.
So get all caught up in the hype if you want, I mean based on this last week Darren McFadden is the NFL’s best running back, Cromartie is the worst CB and the Jets still can’t beat the Pats, even with Favre. But try to remember, a season is 16 games, and if a guy is worth rating, wait at least until their 3rd season so you get a true feel for what they are going to be.
6 – Fantasy Football is fucking with me
Have I told you I am in 5 leagues, pretty pathetic right. Not as pathetic as what is going on right now in those leagues. In the no-money involved, I could give a flying fuck leagues I am a combined 5-1, with my loss coming in a week 1 134-131 shootout (no other team broke 90). In my two money leagues I am winless and yet to break 65 points.
So whom do I blame, David Garrard and Carson Palmer.
Get your fucking heads out of your Asses. I know you both have WR problems, and Carson I know you had to deal with a stiff breeze this weekend. But there is no excuse for the numbers you are putting up.
Oh, and don’t think I forgot about you Colston, owe I hurt my thumb, get out on the field and catch the ball one handed you cunt.
MJD, oh my entire offensive line has fallen apart, Justin Fargas, my groin hurts, Nate Burleson, I only think knee injuries are funny when they happen to people I don’t have on my fantasy team.
7 – Raiders
I am hesitant to write about how encouraged I am about the team’s play, because it looks like Al is dead set on sending the team back 2 years again. I know I have said that I didn’t believe the media’s reports of how bad it was in Raider Land, and that I supported Lane’s questioning of the talent acquisition. But I think he went a step to far last week.
Essentially Lane tried to pass the buck for the play on the field. Sorry coach, once the games start, you are responsible. We all know that you have no control over the defense, but what you did will do more to foster a defense vs. offense mentality in the locker room, than to gain any real headway in working with Al.
Face it, Lane pretty much called Ryan a puppet, and said that it was Al calling the defense, and calling it poorly.
What we have here are two men who are acting like idiots. Al refuses to admit that some parts of the game may have passed him by. Lane refuses to work within the system, a system that he claims that he knew about when signing his deal with Al.
All of which serves to overshadow a dominant in division performance by the team. Sure the Chiefs are the new Cardinals, but division rivals usually put up more of a fight than that, regardless of how shitty they are.
So yay, the Raiders won, Bush and McFadden looked good, the QB’s went down, and the coverage was decent. Hell Warren looked like the DT he was drafted to be eight seasons ago. But if this Kiffin / Al relationship has progressed to the point where it cannot be salvaged, I fear that the progress of JaMarcus, that which is most important to the franchise right now, is about to get tossed out the window.