2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - New England, Sucking Tom's Nuts

Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.

Completely disgusted from watching Romeo destroy a cheesecake, and feeling a good buzz, I went to the men’s room. Ever take a 3 minute piss? God that feels good when it feels like your eyeballs are swimming. The room seemed to get brighter with each pint of piss I expelled. Feeling much better, I decided to head back and try to get some food before I left. That is, if Romeo didn’t decide to clean my plate for me.

As I exited the Men’s room, I realized that two people had joined Romeo at our table. I hadn’t taken two steps before I recognized Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. I quickly made my way back to the table, not wanting to miss out on anything.



Belichick – Remember how Parcells made you talk like Mr.T all the time. That was hilarious.

Romeo – Maybe for you, but I found it to be demeaning.

Belichick – as demeaning as your coaching record since you left? I warned you not to take the Cleveland job. I mean, Brady Quinn, common, that’s the funniest thing I saw all of last year. Now who is your friend here?

Romeo – Some guy who had an open spot at the table and invited me to join him. Anyone who is good enough to buy me lunch is cool with me.

Brick – buy you lunch, who ever said anything…

Belichick – So young man, I assume that this recording equipment is your doing.

Brick – Recording equipment, what recording equipment?

Belichick – The boom mike between the moosehead and the Budweiser sign, the mike taped to the bottom of the table, Did you really think that you would be able to record a conversation where I was involved without me knowing. I invented the tape recorder. Tom, frisk him to make sure that he isn’t wired.



Tom starts to get up, but something bumps the table from underneath.

Brady – sorry about that Bill, I’ve gotten so used to having my nuts sucked that I sometimes forget that its happening.

With that Bill Simmons come out from under the table holding his head.



Simmons – That’s Ok Tom, it must be hard being you. With so many people trying to use you. You don’t have to worry about that with me, My love is pure.

Tom – yeah great, Bill.

Simmons – Tom could you please, pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssseeeeeee call me Giselle, it would mean so much to me, and really bring us closer.

Tom – dude, I already told you no.

Simmons – Ok, just promise you’ll think about it. Here let me rub your shoulders, it will relax you.

Belichick – Romeo, think about what I said, I think you’ll find the arrangement agreeable, young man, you will have to plug your recording equipment back in. I disabled everything that was out here, but I’m not taking any chances that we will be recorded by something on your person. Lets go Tom.

Simmons – recorded, are we being recorded. That’s awesome, what show is this for, I’d love to be a part of it. Who wants to interview me.

Brady – See you later Bill.

Simmons – Don’t worry Tom, I’ll catch up as soon as I finish this interview, I have to keep my fans happy. Now where is the mike I need to talk into, didn’t Bill say something about under the table (starts to go back under the table)

Brick – No, no, its hidden right here (grabs a dinner roll off of Romeo’s plate…when did he order dinner?)

Romeo – hey, hands off my roll

Brick – shut-up, you’ve had enough carbs today

Romeo (shoveling more food in his mouth) good thing I got extra rolls,

Simmons – Ok lets start the interview, (talking into dinner roll) I’m Bill Simmons, writer, radio and on air personality for ESPN, live from Indianapolis.

Brick – All right, I’ll humor you, since Belichick and Brady left. So how are you handling the loss to the Giants.

Simmons – I’m from NE, so I know how it feels to loose, up until the Pats win over the heavily favored St. Louis Rams, I hadn’t experienced the thrill of a championship since the Boston Celtics in ‘86. I was just talking to my friend J-bug the other day and he was telling me…
Brick – Ok, I think everyone has read one of your articles at some time. No need to rehash what you’ve written 800 times here. Lets try to make this quick, have Belichick or Brady given you any insight as to whom they are planning to select at #7?

Simmons – the Patriots are the model NFL franchise. And Belichick is the greatest coaching mind in the NFL. Between him and Scott Pioli they have turned the Pats into the Evil Empire of the NFL. And now they are like the Celtics when they selected Len Bias, (crys uncontrollably for 3 minutes), sorry, They remind me of season 3 of Melrose place where…

Brick – Look, maybe if you run into Brady Quinn you guys can talk about Melrose place. Who are the Pats going to draft?

Simmons – you don’t want to here about Melrose place?

Brick – no

Simmons – how about Karate Kid

Brick – no

Simmons – I know, real world, everybody loves real world

Brick – no, I don’t want to here about shitty TV shows and bad ‘80’s movies.

Simmons – I know, I know VEGAS BABY, this one time Sully, J-Bug and I were playing blackjack when they sent in the closer and…

Brick – I don’t give a flying fuck about your friends with their stereotypical Boston nicknames. Lets try this a different way. I’m going to give you the name of a draft prospect and you can give me the Boston perspective on him.

Simmons – sounds good, nobody is a better representative of Boston than me. I’ve been through all the hard times, and have experienced some of the greatest seasons ever these last few years, it reminds me of when Larry Bird…

Brick – Matt Ryan

Simmons – Good Boston Kid, nice hair, but nowhere near as dreamy as my Tom.

Brick – Sedrick Ellis

Simmons – Sedrick comes from the Patriots of college football, USC, which is ironic since Pete Carroll failed as the Patriots coach. He is going to be one hell of an NFL player, but he is black.

Brick – What?

Simmons – he is black, look at him.

Brick – OK, Mike Jenkins, the Pats do need DB help

Simmons – black

Brick – So I guess that rules out Kenny Philips

Simmons nods

Brick – and Derrick Harvey

Simmons – NEEEEEEEEEEGROOOOOOOOOOO

Romeo – look here fool, I’ll

Brick – eat Romeo, if you are good we’ll get you some more cheesecake.

Romeo – Mmmmmmm Cheesecake



Brick – Ok, so pretty much you’ve eliminated the top guys that I have on my board through your brilliant analysis Bill. And since I have both Jake and Chris Long gone before the Pats select.

Simmons – No fair, I like Chris Long, this is like the episode of 90210 where Dylan…

Brick – don’t you think these references have jumped the shark? Wait don’t answer, how about Dan Conner.

Simmons – Now that’s a pick that a New Englander can get behind. Good linebacker, out of Penn St., Joe Pa., can we call him Dan O’Connah, play up the Irish?

Brick – you can call him anything you want.

Simmons – that’s great, now I can get a lucky Dan O’Connah jersey to go with my Wes Welkah jersey. That’s would be wicked pissah.

Brick – oh, Bill before I forget, Tom wanted me to give this to you. (hands Bill note)

Simmons (reading to himself )– Meet me in room 181 at 1801 EST so we can share an intimate experience Bill, or should I say Giselle. XOXOX Tom. (To the whole bar) He’s going to call me Giselle, but what does 1801 mean.

Brick – did you say 18 and 1.
Simmons – no I said 1801

Brick – I think that means that you are a failure.

Simmons – you..you tricked me (throws dinner roll across the room)… I HATE YOU…THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER

Brick – 18 and 1

Simmons – running towards door, TOM WAIT FOR ME

Romeo gets up, retrieves dinner roll and returns to the table.

Romeo – He should really spend some time with Quinn, those two are a lot alike.

Brick – yeah, but what a waste of air.

Romeo – So you going to put down Dan Conner for your draft?

Brick – Well it does make sense. I think New England will trade down, but Conner does fill a need. Who cares its just a mock draft anyway.

Romeo – Yeah, and that sucka is white.


Brickinthebox mock draft:

1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.
7. NE Patriots – Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.

Free Agency - Day 5

If you are reading this site than you already know the big NFL news from yesterday. If you don’t, than what the hell are you doing here? Brett Favre has announced his retirement.

I always enjoyed watching Favre play. He was the kind of QB that I would have loved to see in Silver and Black. The guy was like a big kid on the field, his enthusiasm and love of the game jumped off the TV screen. He is the kind of player that someday I’ll tell my kids about.

There, that’s it for the accolades from me. I’m too fucking sarcastic to keep that up. Now lets get to the fall out. I tuned into NFL radio yesterday afternoon in time to hear a grown man crying. No it wasn’t the replay of the Favre interview from two years back. It was a Packers fan bemoaning the fact that he would never get to see Brett play again.

Are you kidding me, nobody died, he wasn’t a member of your family. He was a QB; get a fuckin grip. Of course the two idiot hosts, Adam Schein and Solomon Wilcotts went on and on about how there was never a QB like Favre and there never would be another. Can we please get a little perspective? Sure Favre never missed a start, but there is another QB out there building a similar record named Manning. Sure Favre was at or near the top for years. Have we already forgotten the names Elway and Marino?

Wilcotts, who is much of a sycophant as Schein, went on to say that Favre went out on top and that you couldn’t have written a better ending to his career. Really Solomon, how about this, Favre doesn’t throw a late INT in Lambeau and goes on to win the Super Bowl. He then retires as a champion, you know like Elway. I’m just some blogging hack and it took me all of 10 seconds to write a better ending.

I’m sure that the accolades will continue for another couple weeks. Then we will kick off the season, Brett will get his Jersey retired and will be a 1st ballot hall of famer. But lets stop pretending that this was a shock, Favre has hinted at retirement for years. Lets stop pretending that this relegates Green Bay to NFC doormat, they were prepared for this and still should be the favorite to win their division. Brett was a great player who was fun to watch, take his dick out of your mouths and leave it at that.

So much for the end of Silly Season

Al Davis has decided the money should not stop flowing just yet. There were still some vets with questionable resumes that he could bring in and resurrect as Raiders. So why not pay them like All pros now, and not like the top of the scrap heap guys they are.

Look, I understand the contract given to Kelly, was it maybe a little more than he deserved, sure, but it’s the going rate for a Swing DE/DT. Did the Raiders shell out more cash than I thought Wilson was worth, yep, but once again he was in demand, and it cost a little more to get a young talent on day 1.

But now is the time when teams start getting value. Now is the time when the players look around and let out a collective “Oh Shit”. The big money their agent promised didn’t materialize on opening weekend and they need to quickly find a home. Last year only 30% of free agents found work with new teams, the rest either went back to their old team at a reduced rate or found work somewhere other than the NFL. The reality is the owners are in a position of strength right now and can pick and choose whom they want.

If Kwame Harris were such a prize, he would have garnered some interest on opening weekend. His only reported visit was with the Raiders. Lets not forget, such stand out offensive lineman as Langston Walker were snatched up in the 1st couple of days of free agency last year. If there was a demand for Harris he would not still have been available almost a week in.

I’ve seen some Raider fans post that if Cable likes him, they have faith that Cable knows what he is doing. Now everyone knows that I have a lot of respect for Tom Cable. Hell he was named Brickinthebox MOY. But this move does not fit into the Gibbs line of thinking on offensive lineman. Under the Gibbs theory you do not pay premier money for offensive lineman, you take coachable athletic guys and get them on the cheap. Harris is athletic, but he sure hasn’t looked coachable in San Francisco.

Harris looks like the classic Al Davis pick-up, 1st round bust that Davis believes will turn into a Super Stud in Oakland. This move will make or break Cable’s Oakland tenure. There are already rumors flying that Cable will move on to Mora’s staff in Seattle next season. Al has now provided Cable what Al sees as a premier talent. If Cable is unable to reach Harris and turn him into a stud in 1 year, Al will be all to happy to let Cable walk and take the zone stretch system with him. So what the Raiders showed huge improvement with Journeymen additions last year under Cable system. Al likes names and power blocking.

Then there was the other jaw-dropping Raider signing of the day, Javon Walker. Well there is an Al Davis signing if I ever saw one. He played for a rival last year, he has butted heads with coaches and there is some doubt that he will ever perform at a high level again.

I could easily have justified the huge money that Walker received almost a week into free agency due to the fact that he wasn’t available day 1 and had been cut after the starters gun had fired. His agent had not been able to get as many clandestine talks going about this client as he was still locked up for another year in Denver when he was talking to NFL execs about guys who were about to enter the market.

But there are two factors which keep this move from being easily justifiable. The 1st being his knee. Now I’m sure that the Raiders medical staff gave him a clean bill of health and the Raiders built in clauses if Walker cannot perform, but 3 injuries to the same knee screams trouble to me. Then there is the fact that Walker has forced his way out of the last two NFL cities he has been in.

Throw in that there are still receivers who very well could be just as good as Walker still looking for work, and now this deal doesn’t look very good sitting here on the outside.

I’ve preached that we need to wait for the real number to come out before we judge these deals, but I’ve also pointed out that the numbers that come out on day 1 are based on some sort of reality, as twisted to the agents needs as they may be. The agents for Harris and Walker had better have done the best spin job in NFL history, or these deals could end up looking like two of the worst.

Big Ben gets Paid

Roethlisberger signed an obscene contract to ensure that he doesn’t hit the market next year. And the city of Pittsburgh rejoiced.

This guy is like a god around here. Well, that’s actually that may be an understatement. The entire team is treated like gods. When Mike Tomlin was named head coach it was the lead story on the evening news. When Tomlin stated that he would be keeping the 3-4 as the base D, it was the lead story on the evening news. Ben isn’t just a God around here; he is the second coming of Jesus (sorry Peterson fans).

Don’t believe me; take a drive around Pittsburgh. You know the ribbons that people plaster the back of their cars with to show support for the troops. Well replace them with yellow ones with “#7” or “Big Ben”. They have replaced Jesus fish as the hot car accessory. I think that you either have to have a Steelers or Big Ben bumper sticker to get your car registered.

During the season, if you go to the grocery store on Sunday morning, it is nothing but Steelers jerseys. Even the employees replace their usual uniform with Steelers garb. The place is packed with people getting their game day grub. Go there after kickoff and the place is empty save for depressed looking employees that are missing the game.

Well I went into the Grocery store Monday night after the announcement, and it looked like gameday. Everyone had pulled out their finest Roethlisberger jersey and was wearing in celebration of the signing. I’ve lived in Buffalo, and on the border of the New England/Giants divide, but I have never experienced anything like the love this city has for the Steelers and Ben.

Is Ben worth the amount of Money he got, off the field, yeah I think so, there would have been rioting next year if he were unhappy, or god forbid left. On the field, that’s another issue. To me he really hasn’t progressed much since year 2, and the Steelers continue to let key components of the offense walk. Seems like a little much to me, when you can’t resign the team around him.

2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - NY Jets - Mangini Mangina

Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.

Watching Romeo eat his 3rd footlong sub while inhaling buffalo wings got me to thinking, what the fuck am I doing here. I mean really, I don’t get paid for this, Indy sucks, and now I’m not sure I’ll ever eat a wing again without gagging.

Brick – Bartender, I need another Jack.

Romeo – slow down hoss, chances are a few more guys will show up today, and you don’t want to puke on someone’s shoes.

Brick – Yeah, whatever. So it sounds like you got some good news and Derrick Anderson is close to resigning.

Romeo – HORSE BALLS, that kid has lucked into the greatest situation in his life. His only competition is out dancing with Brett Michaels while wearing hot pants. Fuckin tooty frooty bitch.

Brick – well you are building a nice offense around those guys.

Romeo – oh sure, we got Braylon “TO wannabe” Edwards playing only when he wants. Mr. Soldier at TE has worse knees than him old man right now. I ain’t ever seen a grown man cry as much as him. You tell him he cut off his rout too early in the film room and he balls like a bitch for 15 minutes. “I’m a soldier, I’m a soldier, I have bad knees…WHAAAAA. But yeah, other than that we have a good Oline and a back ready to break down any minute. Sounds good compared to out Defense.

Chubby White Guy – Romeo, why am I not stunned to see you here padding your innards with copious amounts of rations. So who is the sad sap relegated to listening to you bitch.

Romeo – Hello Eric…so nice to see you.



Mangini – Romeo, you tactless heathen, you have failed to invite me to sit or to introduce the man sitting with you. Sir, allow myself to introduce myself. I am Eric Mangini, but you may call me Mangenius or just Genius if you like. You see I am the head coach for the NY Jets. A position I obtained by being the true mastermind behind the Patriots Dynasty. Ask yourself this, How many Super Bowls have they procured since I vacated… so as you don’t labor yourself, I will retort for you. None. This obese clown sitting next to you rode my coattails to a cushy head coaching job in Cleveland. I will give him some credit, as he did know that he had not the coaching acumen to accept a job in the principal market in the US, unlike me. For I am a man with football erudition on par with the all time greats.

Romeo – What was your record last year?

Mangini – you simple minded fool, you could never grasp the brilliance of the moves I made last year. I have positioned the NY Jets to become the Franchise of the ages. Behind my indisputable, incomparable intellect we will soon go down in the annals as the Greatest team of all time.

Romeo – Other than pissing off Belichick, I can’t think of one thing you did that stood out all year.

Mangini – Oh Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou’s brain. (Turning to me) See what I did there, quoting the bard, our latter-day Romeo here could never appreciate something as highbrow as Shakespear. (Back to Crenell) Of course you can’t think of anything, you exhibit the mental characteristics of one who is missing a chromosome. My moves were so profound as scholars will universally praise their genius for years, but my curse is that the common man, or ape as in your case, will never truly comprehend.

Romeo – Who you callin Ape you little cracker.

Mangini – Please Romeo, calm yourself. Waiter, please bring this man a slice of cheesecake.

Romeo – I do like cheesecake.



Mangini – Of course you do my portly friend. We both know full well that during our time together in New England, I need only put some sustenance in front of you for the 4 quarters of the game, and I was free to work my magic. Truly Romeo, you were the easiest supervisor to usurp that I have ever encountered.

Brick – Mr. Mangini, who has caught your eye here in Indy.

Mangini – Oh, so the other man at the table does have a voice. Good sir, please address me as I have requested. You are in the presence of greatness; a privilege extended to a select few. Do not squander such a blessing.

Brick – Fine, Mr. Mangenius, any players catch your eye here at the combine?

Mangini – Mangenius, ah yes, my aptly endowed nickname, I do love the sound of it. As for the players here at the combine, I have encountered a couple that intrigue me. Of course I normally would not share this information when seated next to a fellow coach, but as the Simpleton next to me allowed himself to succumb to the Siren call of his fellow beluga coaches former prodigy, he has no selection in the opening round, and could not use the information I have, even if he could comprehend it.

Romeo – What the fuck did he just say?

Brick – that you don’t have a 1st round pick since you took Wies’s boy Quinn.

Romeo – Oh, I hate that queer.

Mangini – See Romeo, its not hard to understand if you pay attention, but I would wager you were distracted by that cheesecake being produced from the kitchen.

Romeo (now drooling) That cheesecake does look good.



The waiter arrives at the table and puts the cheesecake down in front of Romeo, who begins to shovel it into his mouth.

Mangini – Waiter, please bring my friend here a second piece, the 1st is not long for this sphere, and surely will not be enough to satisfy his gluttonous desires. In fact bring two more in order to sate this brute.

Brick – about the draft…

Mangini – patience good sir, the type of information I am about to bestow upon you cannot be rushed. You see I have evaluated the talent here, and, thanks to my superior intellect, have ascertained an insight that all others lack. An insight, which I shall bestow unto you. An insight, which holds the key to unlocking the Jets supremacy.

Brick – Ok, so who are you targeting?

Mangini – Mr. Mangenius, so whom are you targeting? Please, good sir, I was beginning to believe that you were capable of holding a brief conversation with one of my stature, please try to refrain from not properly addressing me or using improper grammar in my presence. You would be well served to mind your P’s & Q’s with me.

Brick – So, Mr. Mangenius, whom are you targeting?

Mangini – You are an impatient one aren’t you. I had such high hopes for your intellect after you translated my musings into oaf for our brauntosaurian tablemate, but I see that you lack the fortitude to persevere and obtain enlightenment. Before I depart I shall share with you what I have ascertained through rigorous inquiry. The sole competitor whom can beget the ascension of the Jets to greatness is a young man from the deep south, from an institution represented by swine. That is right, he will go from swine to airline…(takes out notebook writes down swine to airline, closes notebook)… my apologies, I found that phrase tickled me.

Brick – yeah, great, so you like Darren McFadden.

Mangini – Well done good sir, there may be hope for you yet.

Brick – So as the Genius, you feel that a running back that can’t pass block, fumbles all the time, and hasn’t shown any ability to follow a block is the savior for your franchise. I can accept that, but I hate to break it to you, but Mr. Blank has fallen in love with McFadden.

Mangini – Blank…that…that…that ebony enthralled idiot. No matter, my incomparable intellect has prepared me for just such an inconvenience. I will select one with hall of Fame bloodlines, one who can provide a stout base for my defense, a man whose name is lengthy while using few letters…

Brick – Chris Long, sorry but Mr. Davis likes family, Mangini foiled again.

Mangini – What have I told you about addressing me with the proper reverence. So the Nesfaratu of the NFL has his mind set on nepotism. So I am forced to delay my ascension to the pantheon of greatness for a season, but my blueprint leaves me an out. Fortifying my front with a combination of the southern charm of my initial selection and the stoutness of my second, I will select the Bayou Bengal to Bolster my…

Brick – Dorsey right? He won Parcells’ Nathens challenge, sorry but he won’t be there when you select either.

Mangini – Curse you meaningless week 17 win. Its just not fair that one such as I should be forced to settle for scraps when I should be eating filet. I will make the most of an unpalatable situation. The player I will select, lacks intelligence, else he would have gone to a more prestigious institution, but he does seem to have an acceptable athletic acumen. Parcells will rue the day he passed on one so like the key to his prestigious past. I will make a backer out of a buckeye.

Brick – Ok, you can have Vernon Gholston, Mr. Mangina. Now I’ve had too much to drink, and you are giving me a headache. Its only going to take me one more Jack and Coke to get to the point where I punch you in you pompous puss, so please excuse yourself post haste.

Mangini – Heathen, I am sorely disappointed that I misappropriated my precious time pontificated prospective professional performers with one as poorly prepared to converse properly. I bid you a due.

With that Eric Mangini got up and stomped out of the bar in a huff. He reminded me of a toddler who was denied Ice cream. Thankfully Romeo decided to chime in between bites of his 3rd piece of cheesecake.

Romeo – I may not speak pretty, but still…I pity that fool.

Brickinthebox mock draft:

1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
6. NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE/LB Ohio St.

Free Agency - Day 4

Four full days have passed in free agency and the signing are starting to slow down. The majority of the top flight guys have signed, and teams are starting to sort through the scrap heap to identify players who fit their scheme and can help out as role players.

In my opinion, this is where teams get the best value from free agency. Sure the 1st few days are fun for fans, signing that big name is exciting, tracking the movements of the big name players keeps the NFL at the forefront of the daily sports news cycle. But the money spent is rarely matched by the on field performance. When you look a little deaper at the signings, you are left to wonder if the teams really improved themselves dishing out these huge contracts, while teams who have sat on the sidelines while the big money was spent, now are free to bring in players who fit their schemes and will make a bigger impact for their team.

For example, look at Justin Smith’s signing in San Francisco. Smith was the premier free agent DE. His signing in San Fran was a big splash as they outbid other suitors like Minnesota for his services. But take a closer look at Smith. He has played base end in a 4-3 defense in Cincy. He is under sized for the role of DE in the 3-4 that Nolan has been installing in San Fran. I have trouble seeing how he is an upgrade at the position for Nolan. Are the Niners going to run more 4-3 this season and move to the hybrid scheme? Or are they going to force a round peg into a square hole?

A similar thing has occurred in New York. The Jets traded with Carolina for DT Kris Jenkins. Jenkins has played a one-gap technique in Carolina where it was his job to penetrate the backfield and wreak havoc on the offense. Now he has a shiny new contract in New York. Where he is going to be asked to play nose in a 3-4 hybrid D. Once again, how does he fit? Sure it’s a big splash move that gets the fan base excited, but how is he an upgrade over Robertson? You know the DT who has been miscast as a NT the last two seasons in the Jets D.

That said, there are teams who are standing pat that lead me to scratch my head and wonder why they haven’t jumped into the pool. Tennesse is at the top of my list. This team seemed poised to compete for a playoff spot coming out of a tough AFC South. Sure I’m not a big believer in Vince Young, he is way too erratic in the pass game for my taste, and they have signed a big TE in Crumpler who is used to a QB with Vince’s limitations, but he was signed on the cheap and the Titans have taken steps backwards everywhere else.

I compared the Titan’s receiver core to the Raider’s last season following their game. If I’m comparing your receiving core to the Raiders, you know you are in trouble. Young needs help at WR, if you believe in this kid you need to find him somebody to help. The Titans have just watched from the sidelines as the top FA wide receivers have signed elsewhere. Maybe they believe that changing their OC will fix the problem, somehow I doubt it.

But the more confusing thing in Tennesee has been how they have allowed their own free agents to leave at an alarming rate. Both Odom and LaBoy are gone from what was a formidable DL rotation when Haynesworth was healthy. Jacob Bell was allowed to leave on the Oline opening up yet another hole to address in the offense. The Titans have taken two steps back so far this off season, and are now not only looking up at the Jags and Indy, but could also be looking up at an improving Houston team in the AFC South.

The Oakland WR situation

What, you thought I’d write about free agent movement without addressing the Raiders, common, what were you thinking.

The Raiders WR depth chart currently looks like this:

Ronald Curry
Johnnie Lee Higgins
Tim Dwight
Chris McFoy
Will Buchanon
Todd Watkins

Well there is a group sure to strike fear into opposing DC’s. Now I may not be as down on this group as some Raider fans. Curry can be an excellent possession receiver, I’d like to see Higgins used much like Wes Welker in NE as a slot receiver using his speed in the slot on slants and crosses rather than trying to go deep every play. Buchanon has shown flashes as a downfield threat in preseason. But overall I have to admit this group is weak.

As for what was available in FA, I know that most of Raider nation was clamoring for Berrian or Stallworth, but I’m not upset that neither of them came to Oakland. Berrian got way more money than he is worth from Minnesota. He would have been a great signing for a team with an established #1 wideout. But he is not a #1 threat, and for a team like Oakland he would have been just another incomplete part.

The same goes for Stallworth, once again he has shown exciting flashes, but he cannot stay healthy when he is given a heavy workload. He went to a team where he will fit in, Cleveland, but he was not a fit in Oakland.

Fortunately there are still two WR’s who could improve Oakland’s pass attack on the market. First is the free agent I have liked the most since I started looking at potential signings, D.J. Hackett. Hackett would have been the premier FA wide out had he been healthy last season. Fortunately those health concerns have left him unsigned through the crazy money stage of free agency. The Raiders could now swoop in and sign him to a reasonable contract and he will immediately improve the Raiders core. He knows the west coast system; he has the speed to stretch the field, and is an excellent rout runner. Hackett would also demand double coverage opening up Curry, Miller and Hackett on intermediate routs.

The second option out there is less proven than Hackett. Bryant Johnson has been buried on the depth chart in Arizona behind Fitzgerald and Johnson. But has performed well when given the opportunity to start. I have my doubts whether or not he can be a true #1, but he would be an upgrade over the Raiders current cast.

New England stems the blood loss

Well if I’m going to continually point out how NE is loosing key pieces, its only fair to point out when they manage to keep one. Resigning Moss was essential to New England staying near the top in the AFC. I still think they will fall back to earth, but this was the 1st step towards keeping the team in the hunt.

Now the Pats will do what got them to the top in the 1st place, not the crazy grab every name Daniel Snyder free agency spree they tried last year, but the careful evaluate and sign process that Pioli excelled at in previous years. There are plenty of solid linebackers to be had and it shouldn’t be too hard to replace Randall Gay.

Sirius NFL Radio Gets it Right

In my last diatribe I called the NFL blitz the worst show on Sirius NFL radio. And what do I here when I turn on my Radio Monday. They have lost the prime afternoon drive slot and have been moved to earlier in the day. And while I’d love to take credit, I know that my criticism was too recent to have had any bearing on the move (plus I only have 2 readers).

And while I would have preferred the insipid Adam Schein have been fired outright, at least he is no longer on when I listen the most.

Damn, work is calling, so I’m cutting it there for today. Thoughts on Big Ben getting paid, Favre retiring, why Schein sucks and wideouts in the draft will have to wait.

Leave a comment.

2008 - Briickinthebox Mock-Draft - KC - The Herm and Larry Show

Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.

Its fast approaching 4 pm here at an unnamed bar across the street from the RCA Dome. Romeo Crennel has reassumed his usual place next to me at the table. And has placed his two subway bags on the table.

Romeo – hey man, I grabbed a sub for you. (Puts 1 subway footlong in front of me takes out 2 others and starts to open the 1st).

Brick – So what did you get me?

Romeo – Ham, double meat, extra mayo, no veg. Same as what I got.

Brick – Umm, no thanks, I have some wings coming.

As if on queue, the server arrives with my wings.

Server – Sir (addressing Crennel) we don’t allow patrons to bring in food from outside.

Romeo – Look, I’m on the Subway diet, if it can work for that pansy Jarret, it can work for me. Besides, I’ve been here all day can’t you cut me some slack. Now how about another diet coke.

Sever (shaking his head as he walks away) some diet, 3 footlongs, 4 fried chickens and almost a gallon of blue cheese.

Romeo – what did he say, that fool ain’t getting no tip.

Door flys open

Bar – HERM!!!!!!!!!



Herm Edwards – Hey everybody, glad to be back here in Indy. Hey Boss (addressing bartender) get me the usual. (Herm heads to open stool at the bar)

Large Black Man – Motherfucker, you ain’t sitting by yourself at the bar, you best pick a spot where I can join you.

Herm – Hey guy, no worries, I was just getting my drink, why don’t you sit there next to Romeo and I’ll join you.

Romeo – Larry good to see you again, how are things in KC (starts laughing)



Larry Johnson – What the fuck is so fuckin funny. You traded a 1st round pick for that queer Quinn when you know damn well you could have traded for me last year. I blame you that I’m stuck in that shithole.

Romeo – yeah, now I’m stuck with a queen and a back who is falling apart, Sure Jamal had a good year, but does anyone really think he is going to be able to perform that way again.

Larry – Look at me, I have to come to Indy to babysit rainman here (points to Herm) Motherfucker is all … (Herm joins table)

Herm – Hey there guys, great to be here in Indy with you. I’m really looking forward to another successful year of football.

Larry – Successful, what the fuck was successful about last year. We went 4-12 and lost to the fuckin Raiders. Tell me again how anything about last year can be termed a Fuckin success.

Herm – We have found our QB of the future

Larry – Croyle, Broddy Fuckin Croyl. If he is the future I’m fuckin Abraham Lincoln.

Herm – Our Defense took great strides to being a top flight unit.

Larry – Oh yeah, they took great strides, we don’t have a single starter other than Mullethead who would start anywhere else. Its been the same bullshit every year since I came to KC, we’ll get them next year.

Herm – And I think the fanbase has really bought into my 8 year plan for success.

Larry (throws Herms appletini across the bar) 8 Year, 8 fuckin year, I’m an NFL running back, I don’t have 8 years. Look we are here to get me some help so that you don’t have me running 400 times behind a bunch of pussified bitches again. That Oline was great three years ago, we need to make them that way again. Motherfuckin 8 years bullshit.

Herm – Please, Larry, don’t throw my Appletini, as for the draft, I don’t know, I was thinking about looking at defensive back, If we could get a good one of them, It could take our D to the next level.

Larry – I will pimpslap the stupid out of you if you so much as look at another DB. I swear to all that is holy, you better get me a lineman. Get me that Jake Long motherfucker, look at the way that midget for Michigan ran behind him, that’s what I’m talking about.

Brick – Larry, I don’t think he will last to the 5th pick, St. Louis seems to like him.
Larry – Who the fuck said that you could open your fuckin piehole. Sit there and eat your chicken wings and shut the fuck up. You think I’m going to stand bye while that Larry Johnson wannabe Steven Jackson gets a fuckin stud lineman.

Herm – now Larry we have looked at Ryan Clady out of Boise St.

Larry – Boise St… what the fuck is that, some kind of kiddy college, that ain’t no big ten school. Motherfucker I said Jake fuckin Long.

Herm – Now Larry, Ryan is a fine young man and an outstanding prospect.

Larry – Ok Herm, I tell you what, we’ll go back across the street and take a look at this fine young man. And if he ain’t the shit I’m gonna beat the fuck out of you.

Herm – Sounds good Larry, we’ll go back over after I get another Appletini and take a look at him and this Mike Jenkins cat.

Larry – Look here Pollyanna, we ain’t lookin at no motherfuckin Mike Jenkins, I already done told you no DB’s. And you aint getting no motherfuckin appletini, we out.

Larry jumps up, knocking his chair to the ground, grabs Herm by his collar and drags him out the door.

Herm – Have a glorious day everyone.

Romeo takes a huge bite out of his ham sub, mayo drips down his cheek.

Romeo (with mouth full) – So who do you think they are going to draft?

Brick – I’m putting down Ryan Clady, otherwise I think Larry will break Herm’s legs.

Romeo – you going to eat those wings?

I take one look at Romeo, now with mayo dripping off his cheek, onto his shirt.

Brick – No, don’t think I’m very hungry anymore.

Romeo – than pass them over here fool.

Brickinthebox mock draft:

1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia
5. KC Chiefs – Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.

2008 - Brickinthebox Mock-Draft - Oakland Raiders, Tomato Juice

Brickinthebox is live on tape delay from an Indianapolis bar across the street from the NFL combine. We secretly taped the conversations that occurred between ourselves and NFL bigwigs to gain some incredible insight into the NFL draft, which we are sharing here with our reader. Warning – Spoilers ahead.

Shortly after Mr. Blank left, Romeo excused himself and left the bar. The server came by and cleared the mound of plates and empty diet coke glasses. Looking to put a little food in my stomach I ordered some buffalo wings, no blue cheese and some water. The last few people whom I had run into had caused my alcohol intake to go to college levels, and I didn’t think I could maintain that pace for the rest of the afternoon. Not long after I placed my order, things got strange again.

The lights in the bar dimmed, and everything got strangely silent. The hustle and bustle of a busy bar vanished and a sense of foreboding washed over everyone.

Slowly the front door creaked open and a shadowy figure entered flanked by a tall black man. The shadowy figure was dressed head to toe in a white jumpsuit, the man by his side all in black. I immediately sat straight up in my chair. This was the man I had been hoping/dreading to meet. Al Davis was in the bar. The man who is the Raiders, my favorite, team was here. Could I hold it together long enough to speak to him, or would he brush me aside. I didn’t have to wait long for my answer.



Al Davis – this is the spot James, you can smell the fear in the establishment. I can feed off of this. Wait, there is something here, this table (a crocked finger extends towards me) I sense desperation, mixed with faint hope. You, (addressing me) you there you are a Raiders fan aren’t you.

Brick – yes Mr. Davis, I am a Raider fan, would you do me the honor of joining me at my table.

Al Davis – James this table will do, get me a tomato juice from the bar. (James pulls out a chair for Mr. Davis and helps him into the seat, then rushes over to the bar).

Brick – Mr. Davis, thank you for joining me, may I ask you a few questions.

Mr. Davis – First, you must answer mine. What is your name?

Brick – Please call me brick.

Mr. Davis – Brick, interesting, I would wager that is not your real name, there is something you are trying to hide, but for now I will let this pass. Mr. Brick, you are not a reporter are you?

Brick – No Mr. Davis, I am not a reporter.

Mr. Davis – Once again, you are holding back the full truth from me. Mr. Brick, I will warn you now that if you hope for this conversation to continue you must be open with me. Your lack of honesty disturbs me.

Brick – I am recording this conversation for a blog I write, I am putting together a mock draft based on the information I have gathered here in the bar.

Mr. Davis – Was that so hard Mr. Brick, I am a benevolent man, so I will allow you to continue this conversation…Secret recordings, you could have a future in this league. Now that we have established the basis for this conversation, I will allow you to ask your questions. But please be brief, I do not suffer fools.

(James returns with a glass of tomato juice, he empties the glass onto the floor, and produces a thermos from under his coat. He refills the glass with a thick dark red fluid and passes the glass to Mr. Davis, who takes a long sip)



Mr. Davis – Well done James, still warm, you must never let it get cold, the juice must always be warm. Mr. Brick, I am sure you are familiar with my associate James Loften, I have high hopes for this young man. He has the potential to serve us well.

Brick – Yes Mr. Davis, I am familiar with Mr. Loften’s work. Which brings me to my 1st question, there have been many rumors of discord within the Raiders organization this off season. How do you address these issues?

Mr. Davis – I put no stock into rumor, those who serve me know their role and must perform as required or they will be dealt with. As always the greatness of the Raiders is in its future.

Brick – So the reports that Lane Kiffen stay as Raiders head coach will be a short one and you are readying Mr. Loften to be the next coach are off base?

Mr. Davis – I will evaluate the progress of young Lane and I will make the final decision as to his future. Mr. Loften is here to help the Raiders win; his role will be determined by his abilities. He shows much promise in his ability to serve me, can he and Lane just win, that is the real question can they just win baby?

Brick – the constant turnover within the Raiders coaching staff in recent years has been pointed to by many as holding back the team, do you feel a more consistent approach would benefit the team.

Mr. Davis – Norvell lost sight of the prize, he lost his players, and Author was miscast and could not gain the trust of the players. But you must remember, I am the constant, I am the be all end all, As long as I am here everything else is inconsequential. Only those whose commitment to excellence can match mine will be retained, all others will be jettisoned.

(Mr. Davis takes another long sip from his glass, some color appears in his cheeks)

Mr. Davis – this is an excellent vintage Mr. Lofton, very fresh, very young. You would be well served to continue on this path. Mr. Brick, as you see I am almost done with my drink, consider this your last question.

Brick – thank you Mr. Davis, as I said I am putting together a mock draft, who are the Raiders targeting this year?

Mr. Davis – Mock draft, you must have gained some insight into the plans of others by positioning yourself in this establishment, what have you learned so far?

Brick – The dolphins like Dorsey since he can eat hotdogs, the Rams need protection for their shell shocked QB, so I have them taking Jake Long and the Falcons seem to run their franchise like a plantation, looking for the strongest fastest black man and will be taking Darren McFadden.

Mr. Davis – you have spent your time here wisely, Those you have spoke to are performing just as I have expected. Mr. Brick, what do you know of my draft tendencies.

Brick – you seem to like athletes first, but give special consideration to west coast players and legacies.

Mr. Davis – Ah, legacies, Once a Raider, always a Raider. This goes for families as well. Look here for your answer Mr. Brick. With that I leave you, James my chair.

With that, Mr. Davis downed his glass, James pulled out Mr. Davis’s chair, helped him up a led him to the door. Upon their exiting, the lights came back up, and the bar returned to normal. As I was filling out my mock draft sheet, Romeo returned with two large bags from Subway.

Romeo – Did I miss anything?

Brick - Al Davis was here, and I learned they are taking Chris Long.

Romeo – Al Davis!, I ain’t sayin nothin bout that sucka.

Brickinthebox mock draft:

1. Miami Dolphins – Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
2. St. Louis Rams – Jake Long, OT, Michigan
3. Atlanta Falcons – Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
4. Oakland Raiders – Chris Long, DE, Virginia

Free Agency - Day 2

It’s day two of the annual NFL free agency shopping spree. Haven’t seen much breaking news yet this morning. Must mean Schefter is sleeping in and won’t be passing on the info he has had to pry out of reluctant agents.

Smith is a Niner, More on Kelly

There is one big signing that has come across the wire so far today. Justin Smith has signed with San Francisco. Smith was widely regarded as the best DE on the free agent market and will fit in quite nicely with Mike Nolan’s system.

Reportedly Smith signed for 6 years, 45 million with 20 million guaranteed. Just what you would expect for a run stopping DE with the ability to play some DT. Wait a second, that sounds like Tommy Kelly… you mean in the Raiders system that Smith plays the same position that Kelly does… well holy shit, that’s a blockbuster contract.

I hope the sarcasm came through there. Smith is a more proven player than Kelly, I would consider him a slight upgrade to Kelly had the Raiders pursued him and allowed Kelly to walk. But one thing is for sure, if the Raiders had signed Smith for 45 mil over 6 years as a DE and SF signed Kelly for 50 mil over 7 years as a DE neither team would be getting raked over the coals by the media.

So why do the Raiders get raked over the coals, while the Niners don’t, for what are very similar players with similar deals? No, I’m not going to call the media haters, and claim it is the anti-Davis bias. Sure Mr. Davis hasn’t made many friends in the media and therefore doesn’t get much good press, but its much simpler than that. Kelly’s agent publicized his signing as being for a DT, Smith has been hyped as the best DE on the Market. DT’s have not been paid as much as DE’s historically, so Kelly’s “DT” deal is outrageous, while Smith’s “DE” deal is a good signing.

If you look around the league at the Money being paid to Swing DE/DT’s / run stuffing DE’s you will find that Tommy Kelly’s deal is right in line with what a player with his skills and experience should expect. The premier swing DE/DT Richard Seymore got 24 million guaranteed two seasons ago. When you put that number up against Kelly’s or Smith’s contracts, sure doesn’t look like either of them broke the bank when you take into account that the market has exploded in the two years since Seymore resigned.

So if you are a Raider fan, let the deriding comments from the media and talk radio callers wash off your back like water on a duck. Know that the Raiders got a good player for a good price when you actually compare the deal to those signed by comparable players. But also know that the Niners also got a good player for a good price with good press thrown in, so not all is good in the bay.

One year later, the biggest FA winner is still… Nate Clements’ agent

So on the NFL network last night, the big news was the signing of Asante Samuel with the Eagles. Up pops a graphic showing the top 5 CB’s in terms of contracts. Who is at the top of the list? Nate Clements with his agent inflated, inaccurately reported 8 year 80 million dollar deal. Remember yesterday when I pointed out that it often takes a week or more for the real numbers to get publicized. Well apparently it can take a year or more. Clements’ deal is actually 7 years 64 million. A difference of one year and 16 million dollars, which numbers do you think Clements’ agent show potential clients?

Egg on the face of Brickinthebox

Well, minutes after I posted my theory on the Brown’s true intentions in regards to Derek Anderson it was announced that they had agreed to terms with their prospective FA QB. Well you can’t be right all of the time. I hope both of my readers can forgive me.

But there is a bright side to all of this, the real looser is Brady Quinn, who is now paying for holding out of Camp last year.

And the winner of the Lion/Cincy/Cleveland trade debacle is…The Bengals

Wait a minute, the Bengals ended up not getting anything out of the deal, how could they be considered the winner in the end. Easy, they didn’t get Shaun Rogers.

Sure I remember what a tear Rogers was on at the start of last year. He was unstoppable against the Raiders. But as the season wore on he faded down the stretch and was unable to motivate himself as the team went from 6-2 to out of the playoffs. Rogers could not motivate himself with the playoffs on the line. He has shown no ability to keep his weight in check, and is widely regarded as a locker room cancer that has had some off the field problems.

This is exactly the kind of player the Bengals don’t need. Keep your draft picks and find a toilet clogger there. This year’s draft actually has some guys with excellent potential as block eating run stuffers. Red Bryant out of Texas A&M, and Ahtyba Rubin out of Iowa St both would fill this mold and most likely one of them will be there in round 3, and if you really want a guy who can’t control his weight, Frank Okam looks like he is intent on falling at least to round 5, where the other pick that the Bengals would have given up resides.

Detroit is also a winner in this deal, as they no longer have the problem of dealing with Rogers. They acquired a superb CB in Leigh Bodden, who I feel, if he can stay healthy, is on the verge of being a top 10 CB in the league. He is just overlooked due to the fact he played in Cleveland, where the team has been so bad on D of late. They also received a 3rd round draft choice, where they too can look to the players listed above for a run stuffer, or could get a sleeper like Dre Moore out of Maryland who could fill the Sapp role in their version of the Tampa 2.

And of course the looser in this whole deal is the Cleveland Browns. They got a guy who will show up for 6 games a year in exchange for a good young corner and a 3rd round pick. Essentially getting 5th round value for Leigh Bodden. That is pathetic. The Browns have now acquired a back-up QB, Correy Williams, and an overweight unmotivated DT with their 1st 3 picks in this year’s draft.

Moss back to AFC West?

I can’t take credit for this Idea; it was floated out there by a San Diego fan on NFL radio’s afternoon blitz yesterday. The idea was immediately shot down by the hosts of the show, I’ll blast them at a later date, as it is the worst show on NFL radio, but I don’t think they should have been so quick to dismiss this idea.

From Moss’s prospective, he has to be looking at the situation in New England and wondering if they can really be as good as they were last year. Look, no one expects them to be able to go undefeated in the regular season, but Moss also has to look at the way the team struggled down the stretch and be wondering if they really have the horses to make another Super Bowl run.

The Pats have already lost Samuel. Gay is making the free agent rounds. The team hasn’t brought in any help to the linebacker core, and the wide receivers lining up next to him will not be as good as last year.

If he takes a look around the league, he has to like what he sees in San Diego. They are a young team with talent locked up for years to come. Rivers is no Brady, but who is. They have the WR’s and TE to keep the defense from focusing on Moss. They have the RB that will not allow teams to constantly double him. And most importantly they have the Cap room to make him happy.

The talking heads on the afternoon blitz claimed that Moss is not an AJ Smith type player. AJ Smith does not give a damn about character; he wants talent, talent is something Moss has plenty of. If he cared about character Merriman, Castillo and Rivers would not be part of the team.

Moss also likes the head coach in San Diego; he has stated in interviews that he though it was a mistake when Oakland fired Turner. Turner has expressed that he liked working with Moss.

San Diego is poised to take the next step and replace the Pats as the premier franchise in the NFL. Adding Moss is the kind of move that would instantly improve Rivers and make them the overwhelming favorite this year, much the way adding Moss pushed NE over the top until the upset in Arizona.

This move makes a lot of sense for both parties. For the sake of the Raiders I hope it doesn’t happen.