Monday, October 22, 2007

7 Things you already knew

Yep, the list of observations from the weekend is back. Once again I'll post things that are painfully obvious and act like I've accomplished something groundbreaking.

1. Rocky McIntosh is my favorite non-Raider player of the coming week.

Why, thats easy, 2 reasons.

He is named Rocky, Coors light may have taken away great men's names like Lance, Stuart and Adolf, but Sly Stallone has cemented Rocky as the manliest of names there is.

More importantly I have pegged him as the most likely player to end Tom Brady's season this week by blowing out Tom's knee. The good folks at kissingsuzykolber have established a fund to be awarded to the player whom blows out Brady's knee, and I would happily add my $20 to the fund payable to one Rocky McIntosh. To be honest though, I may blow my load from seeing Brady carted off the field holding his knee. Which brings up an interesting question.

If I pay a man for a service which indirectly causes me to climax, does that make me gay?

I think I can deal with with the consequences that paying for this service would entail, so long as I don't put "for sexual favors" in the note on the check.

2. Florida St. has the most anoying fight song in college football.

Yet again, we have know this for years. But since the majority of the times that I have watched Florida St. have involved alchohal, I have been numbed to the affect of the tomahawk chop.

But this weekend, trapped in a car with my parents for 3 1/2 hours we tuned the Radio to the FSU MIA game, and it became mind numbingly clear that they played the same damn thing after every play, be it 1 yard loss or tackle for no gain (two offensive juggernauts banging heads like these two is even worse on the radio).

Switch it up once in awhile band geeks. You're on scholarship to FSU for playing the fuckin tuba. Sure you're frustrated because your at FSU and not getting laid, but don't punish the rest of us because you suck.

3. Its spelled "Chokepepper"

Viking fans have been warning me since Daunte signed not to get excited about seeing him on the field. They needent have worried, since I had been laughing at them for years due to the guy they had at QB. Two straight weeks Daunte has snatched defeat from the jaws of victory by brain farting at key times.

Be it 1st and goal with 20 seconds left and taking a sack and fumbling on consecutive plays, or throwing an interception at the end of the game. I have a feeling unless the Raiders can rush for 200+ yards, Daunte isn't going to lead the Raiders to victory. Simple math Moss & Carter > Porter & Curry. Bring on that top 5 pick.

4. Red Sox fans are annoying

No Mom, this isn't about you. I enjoyed watching the Sox embarrass the Indians Saturday night with you instead of Mich v. Ill. It was fun switching the channel to the Michigan game every time you fell asleep and telling you that Gagne had come into the game so I figured that it was over and I could change the channel and the resulting look of abject terror on your face.

This is about my Boss, who came into my office this morning, interrupting my web surfing to recreate Papplebon's celebration on the mound from Sunday night for me. This guy has known me for years and is well aware that I could give a flying fuck about baseball. But for some reason feels that I would enjoy knowing how the Red Sox closer celebrates. Unless the celebration somehow involves a dead hooker on the field, leave me out. (and if it does involve a dead hooker I was in another state that night)

5. Fucking with a cripple is fun

My brother is currently on crutches. He claims it occurred when he took a walk in softball and stepped on something protruding from the field. If that is the story he is willing to share, I'm willing to bet the truth has something to do with beer, the walrus at the D.C. zoo and a king james bible, but that's just a guess.

So as if it wasn't fun enough watching him try to hike through the dense underbrush of the Forest in WV Saturday, later that day I took it upon myself to adjust his crutches so they were at different lengths. Add that to your fun things to do when in Winchester, VA. Your list should now be 1 item long.

6. The Raiders still are clueless as to how to stop the run

If I had a dollar for every time I've read on Raider boards that the Raiders showed great improvement stopping the run this week if you take the 1 50+ yard run that LJ had out of the equation, I'd have at least 10 dollars.

The Raiders looked better against the run for 2 reasons. 1 - The Chiefs line is in shambles and 2- LJ is not a cut back runner. The 1 time that LJ did cut back the way that everyone else has against the Raiders this year he was 1 on 1 with Stu Schwag. If I'm LJ, I like my chances.

The Raiders still over pursue against the run on almost every play. I haven't watched LenWhale White play this year, but if he can cut back I'm starting him on my Fantasy team this week.

(I will crow abit here, I have told Chief fans for years that by the time their D is decent their Oline will have disintegrated. At least I have something, seeing as the Raiders continue to rack up AFC West losses.)

7. I'm still glad that I don't live in New England anymore

When I was in NE, I would get some Boston Band wagoner commenting on my Raiders gear every time I went out. One time a 40+ year old bagging my groceries looked at my hat and asked why I didn't root for a better team. While I wanted to point out that unlike the bandwagon boys in NE, I will not switch allegiances every time my team has some off years, I was content to let him know that I didn't feel the urge to take advise on my life from a man bagging my groceries.

Here in Pittsburgh, I have yet to have anyone so much as comment on my Raider gear. I haven't been informed that the Steelers have more rings than the Raiders or that the Steelers have a better record. I have noticed that every friken person is a huge Steelers fan. I think that having a Steeler logo plastered on your ride is a prerequisite for a drivers licence. But the fans are actually knowledgeable and enjoyable to talk football to.

The closest that I've come to having someone suggest that I change teams was on a flight into Pittsburgh. When the guy I was sitting next to found out I was moving to town for work he commented that I would become a Steelers fan. When I pointed out my Raiders hat, he politly said "oh, I guess you won't". Then we proceeded to talk football for an hour. If he had been a Patriots band wagoner I would have emptied the plane of alcohol.

So when my wife got out of work early yesterday, so that the employees could go home to watch the Steelers play, I wasn't surprised. I was surprised at my lack of enjoyment from watching the home team loose in devastating fashion. It may have been due to the fact that they lost to the Rat, but it may also have to do with the fact that the people are too damn nice around here.

Dear Pittsburgh, you need more assholes to keep up, sincerely Bill Belichick.

There you go, 7 things and I didn't have to even make any of them up.

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