Monday, October 15, 2007

Long lost friend?

When checking my yahoo email account this weekend I found 1 non-spam email in the inbox. The 1st non-spam email in that account in quite a while. There is a reason I almost never check that account and really only use it for things like fantasy sports and for blog sites that require a valid email to set up an account.

Seeing as the name in the from slot only read Matt, and the subject was "catching up" I gave it a 50-50 chance of being for penis enlargement, and since that a subject I'm always interested in, I checked it out.

What followed was a seemingly innocent shout out from a long lost high school friend looking to catch up with yours truly. And who wouldn't want to catch up with a guy like me who spends hours re watching Raiders games and writing about it on his blog instead of working.

Now here is the thing, I had a bunch of friends named Matt in high school. Hell every other guy was either named Matt or Mike. And most of them I'd be happy to drop a reply on and find out what was going on in their life. But there was one Matt in high school who I just could not stand, and in no way or form would he have been considered a friend. And as fate would have it, this was that Matt.

My first memory of meeting this kid was giving him a wedgie in gym class on my first day in a new school. Worked out great for me as he was an incredible tool and I gained a measure of acceptance from my peers. Somehow I lucked out and didn't get called into the principles office for this indiscretion. That right, Email Matt was the guy who had his Mom call the office every time somebody looked at him cross eyed. Sorry but by the time you are in high school you schouldn't be going home crying to mommy, you should be penting up your rage and heading down to Ed Hart's gun supply with a gleam in your eye.

As I contemplated a reply, I thought about this Matt for the 1st time since graduating high school 12+ years ago. What could the guy who almost caused the senior play, it was a small town so it was a big deal,to be canceled because someone, who himself later was in hair club for men commercials, questioned his sexuality want from me? I could come up with only 2 options:

1 - After 12 years this clown had finally gotten to the point in his life that he felt secure enough to contact old high school classmates and regale them with tales of his success. He was ready to release his pent up rage after years of crying himself to sleep repeating his mantra of "I'll show them, I'm gonna have a good job with a hot wife and a pony when I grow up".

I decided that if that was the case I didn't want to reply, since I still don't have a pony, and I would feel like less of a man if he had a pony and I didn't.

2 - He was coming out of the closet.

And if this was the case, I could give a fuck, I'd been pretty sure about this for years. No reason to catch up with a Coors light guy.

After contemplating this for all of 10 seconds, I clicked the back button on the browser and clicked on the next email that promised me free Viagra, not that I need it, I just think its cool how the spammers get past Yahoo's elaborate filtering system. (Seriously, I don't need drugs for a 4 hour hard on, nope, not me, Me strong like Bull).

1 comment:

McFluffin said...

I think the internet will now consider its mission complete, a shout out to Ed Hart's Gun Supply has been made.

The only thing that you didnt realize is that this Matt of your life does have a pony. He also knows that you shared an affinity for ponies in High School. Finally, he is coming out, and this is his ploy to get you. My brother is gay....